Leslie William Nielsen movie quotes

“I've finally found someone I can love, a good, clean love... without utensils.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Your lies are like bananas. They come in big yellow bunches.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
- Lauren Goodhue: That's because you're looking at his butt.
- Ryan Harrison: Then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison
Kelly LeBrock - Lauren Goodhue

“- Ryan Harrison: Put your hand in my pocket.
- Cass Lake: All right... What am I looking for?
- Ryan Harrison: Nothing. I just missed you, baby. We're going to party like it's 1995.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake

“I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Frank Drebin: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
- Jane Spencer: Goodyear?
- Frank Drebin: No, the worst.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer

“My head is spinning like a dreidel in a sandstorm.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Dr. Eisendrath: You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?
- Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Why don't you ask who's frigid?
- Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him also.”
Earl Boen - Dr. Eisendrath
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.”

George Kennedy - Ed Hocken
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Ugliest child I've ever seen!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Mr. Magoo

“- Young Lover at Picnic: Would you care for some wine?
- Dracula: I never drink wine... oh, what the hell. Let me try it.”
Ben Livingston - Young Lover at Picnic
Leslie William Nielsen - Dracula

“It's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14': Oh, Dick, you came for me. Tell me, what...what's been happening?
- Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40': Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, getting in touch with my inner child. And after careful consideration, well...I have decided that I love you.”
Nicollette Sheridan - Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14'
Leslie William Nielsen - Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40'

“You make the Mansons look like the Cleavers.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Banquet Doorman: Your coat, sir?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.”
C. Lindsay Workman - Banquet Doorman
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
- Frank Drebin: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.”

Ricardo Montalban - Vincent Ludwig
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Tanya: What are you doing?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
- Tanya: Your bishop's exposed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: It's these pants.”
Anna Nicole Smith - Tanya
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.
- Frank Drebin: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
- Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production...” (continue)(continue reading)
Nancy Marchand - Mayor
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Nerd student: Have you adhered strictly to your vow of celibacy?
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Yes, I have.
- Nerd student: Me too.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I'm not surprised. Mine was by choice.”
Willie Garson - Nerd student
Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii

“- Cass Lake: Cass Lake.
- Ryan Harrison: No, Ryan Harrison. You're mixing me up with some woman.”
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.
- Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“You will be my bride throughout eternity, we'll share the endless passion of immortal love!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Dracula

“You know, sometimes I envy you and Edna. You have the same person every day for over 30 years. You wake up, eat with her, sleep with her. Make love to the same woman. You spend every possible waking moment together, while I'm out running around with a bunch of 20-year-olds who only want a good time and cheap sex sex sex. Girls who can't say no....” (continue)(continue reading)

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin