Leslie William Nielsen movie quotes

“- Commissioner Brumford: Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.”
Jacqueline Brookes - Commissioner Brumford
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“I've finally found someone I can love, a good, clean love... without utensils.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Your lies are like bananas. They come in big yellow bunches.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
- Lauren Goodhue: That's because you're looking at his butt.
- Ryan Harrison: Then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison
Kelly LeBrock - Lauren Goodhue

“- Ryan Harrison: Put your hand in my pocket.
- Cass Lake: All right... What am I looking for?
- Ryan Harrison: Nothing. I just missed you, baby. We're going to party like it's 1995.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake

“I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Frank Drebin: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
- Jane Spencer: Goodyear?
- Frank Drebin: No, the worst.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer

“My head is spinning like a dreidel in a sandstorm.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Dr. Eisendrath: You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?
- Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Why don't you ask who's frigid?
- Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him also.”
Earl Boen - Dr. Eisendrath
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.”

George Kennedy - Ed Hocken
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Ugliest child I've ever seen!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Mr. Magoo

“- Young Lover at Picnic: Would you care for some wine?
- Dracula: I never drink wine... oh, what the hell. Let me try it.”
Ben Livingston - Young Lover at Picnic
Leslie William Nielsen - Dracula

“It's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14': Oh, Dick, you came for me. Tell me, what...what's been happening?
- Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40': Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, getting in touch with my inner child. And after careful consideration, well...I have decided that I love you.”
Nicollette Sheridan - Veronique Ukrinsky 'Agent 3.14'
Leslie William Nielsen - Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40'

“You make the Mansons look like the Cleavers.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Banquet Doorman: Your coat, sir?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, it is. And I have a receipt to prove it.”
C. Lindsay Workman - Banquet Doorman
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
- Frank Drebin: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.”

Ricardo Montalban - Vincent Ludwig
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Tanya: What are you doing?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
- Tanya: Your bishop's exposed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: It's these pants.”
Anna Nicole Smith - Tanya
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.
- Frank Drebin: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
- Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production...” (continue)(continue reading)
Nancy Marchand - Mayor
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Nerd student: Have you adhered strictly to your vow of celibacy?
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Yes, I have.
- Nerd student: Me too.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I'm not surprised. Mine was by choice.”
Willie Garson - Nerd student
Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii

“- Cass Lake: Cass Lake.
- Ryan Harrison: No, Ryan Harrison. You're mixing me up with some woman.”
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: I just want love, Ed.
- Ed Hocken: I'm sure you'll... find love, Frank.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“You will be my bride throughout eternity, we'll share the endless passion of immortal love!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Dracula