Leslie William Nielsen movie quotes

“- Ryan Harrison: Damn you! Damn you for making me fall in love with you! I can't let you get mixed up in this.
- Cass Lake: I want to get mixed up in it.
- Ryan Harrison: I can't do it to you.
- Cass Lake: I want you to do it to me.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake

“- Jane Spencer: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
- Frank Drebin: I used to have that problem.
- Jane Spencer: What did you do about it?
- Frank Drebin: I just think about baseball.”

Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Quentin Hapsburg: We'll be at the reception. Make sure nothing happens to him while I'm gone. Then, I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: The pleasure is all mine.”

Robert Goulet - Quentin Hapsburg
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.”
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Come on Harry, the maiden fair waits for her knight in shining corduroy.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Richard Vickers

“- Tyrone: You just watch your step, McGurke. This place here changes a man.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Yeah? In what way?
- Tyrone: I used to be white.”
Bruce A. Young - Tyrone
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Baggett: What's that smell?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: That would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!”
Lloyd Bochner - Baggett
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Quentin Hapsburg: Do you gamble?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Every time I order out.”
Robert Goulet - Quentin Hapsburg
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
- Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
- Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
- Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“- Dracula: Renfield, you were having a nightmare!
- Renfield: A nightmare? But it was so real, so vivid. Two voluptuous women; grinding, heaving. I don't know how to describe it... have you ever been to Paris?”
Leslie William Nielsen - Dracula
Peter MacNicol - Renfield

“- Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
- Ed Hocken: It's hard to tell.
- Frank Drebin: A roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...”

Susan Beaubian - Mrs. Nordberg
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Quentin Hapsburg: Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.”
Robert Goulet - Quentin Hapsburg
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Father Luke Brophy: She has an ungodly voice, maniacal facial expressions...
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
- Father Luke Brophy: No.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had pms?”

Anthony Starke - Father Luke Brophy
Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii

Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, muttering "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster".
Leslie William Nielsen - Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40'

“- Captain Jamieson: Max, what course are we on?
- Max the Computer: It's a far out course, Captain, deep into the cosmos and heading into infinity. Hey, I like that!
- Captain Jamieson: Why on Earth did they ever make these abusive and emotionally unstable computers?”
Leslie William Nielsen - Capt. Jamieson
Broderick Crawford - Max the Computer

“- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I command you to leave this child at once!
- Nancy Aglet: Make me, slimeball.
- Father Jebedaiah Mayii: I am a priest!
- Nancy Aglet: Oh, pardon me, your most reverent and holy slimeball!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Father Jebedaiah Mayii
Linda Blair - Nancy Aglet

“- Dr. Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
- Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
- Dr. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Dr. Rumack
Robert Hays - Ted Striker