Tim Allen movie quotes

“- Scott Calvin: Yeah, well, look at my hair. It's turning grey.
- Dr. Novos: Oh, it's middle age, buddy. It happens. And with that body, you should be thankful you have hair. Look, if it bothers you, you can dye it - and you should diet!”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Steve Vinovich - Dr. Novos

“- Buzz: Why would Andy want me?
- Woody: Why would Andy want you? Look at you! You're a Buzz Lightyear! Any other toy would give up his moving parts just to be you. You've got wings, you glow in the dark, you talk, your helmet does that... that whoosh thing. You're a Cool Toy. As a matter of fact, you're too cool. I mean - what chance does a toy...” (continue)(continue reading)
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Tom Hanks - Woody

“Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life? You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.”
Tim Allen - Doug Madsen

“- Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
- Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
- Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
- Woody Stevens: Well, not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.”
Tim Allen - Doug Madsen
John Travolta - Woody Stevens

“- Carol: Maybe if you spent more time with your son, there would be fewer problems.
- Scott Calvin: Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend more time with you. It's always such a pleasure.
- Carol: Oh, a battle of wits. It's a shame that you come unarmed.”

Elizabeth Mitchell - Carol
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one.”
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“- Doug Madsen: You like the waitress?
- Dudley Frank: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.
- Bobby Davis: Like which ones?
- Dudley Frank: I forget.
- Bobby Davis: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.
- Dudley Frank: Would that be funny?
- Bobby Davis: I'll...” (continue)(continue reading)
Tim Allen - Doug Madsen
William H. Macy - Dudley Frank
Martin Lawrence - Bobby Davis

- Buzz Lightyear: Woody you're in danger here, we need to leave now.
- Rex the Green Dinosaur: Al's selling you to a toy museum, in Japan.
- Woody: I know! It's okay, Buzz. I actually wanna go.
- Mr. Potato Head: What? Are you crazy?
- Woody: Look, the thing is, I'm this rare "Sheriff Woody" doll, and these guys, are my round-up gang.
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Wallace Shawn - Rex the Green Dinosaur
Tom Hanks - Woody
Don Rickles - Mr. Potato Head

“Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Warp Darkmatter: Why didn't you tell me?
- Buzz Lightyear: Sorry, it was strictly need-to-know classified.
- Warp Darkmatter: I'm your partner, I need to know.
- Buzz Lightyear: Now you do.”
Diedrich Bader - Warp Darkmatter
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear

“- Jason Nesmith: All right, let's settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to need self control.
- Gwen DeMarco: Self control? That's funny coming from the guy that slept with every Terrakian slave girl and Moon Princess on the show.”
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith
Sigourney Weaver - Gwen DeMarco

“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and
vehicle maintenance.”
Tim Allen

“- Buzz Lightyear: Woody, you're not a collector's item, you're a child's plaything. You are a toy!
- Woody: For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me.
- Buzz Lightyear: Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a...” (continue)(continue reading)
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Tom Hanks - Woody

- Charlie: Whoa, how did you do that? How did that feel, Dad?
- Scott Calvin: It felt like "America's Most Wanted".

Eric Lloyd - Charlie
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“I'm going to rest my eyes for a moment. But go on. I am listening...”
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“- Bob Lachman: I'll tell you what I think. I think thank you are spending development money on stupid toys.
- Brad Sexton: These are not stupid toys! These are business tools! I write all this stuff off.”
Wayne Knight - Bob Lachman
Tim Allen - Brad Sexton

“- Doug Madsen: Well, what has your wife ever made us?
- Bobby Davis: Hard.”
Tim Allen - Doug Madsen
Martin Lawrence - Bobby Davis

“As long as there is injustice, whenever a Targathian baby cries out, wherever a distress signal sounds among the stars, we'll be there. This fine ship, this fine crew. Never give up... and never surrender.”
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“What is it that brings two strangers together so that one soul inhabits two bodies? Sometimes it's profound. Sometimes it's Fritos.”
Tim Allen - Eliot Arnold

“- Walt Scheel: Does this mean we have start being nice to each other?
- Luther Krank: Of course not.
- Walt Scheel: Good, cause I still don't like you that much.”
M. Emmet Walsh - Walt Scheel
Tim Allen - Luther Krank

“Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we're going to destroy our son's delusions, I should be a part of it.”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Charlie: Neil doesn't believe in Santa.
- Scott Calvin: Well, Neil's head comes to a point.”
Eric Lloyd - Charlie
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Nora Krank: Why would we want to get tans before the cruise? I thought the idea was to get them during the cruise.
- Luther Krank: Look at us, we kind of look like uncooked chicken.”
Jamie Lee Curtis - Nora Krank
Tim Allen - Luther Krank

That's what women do to men. It's called "being in love".

Tim Allen - Brad Sexton

“- Abby: It's... Charlie.
- Santa Claus: Sheen? I thought he straightened out?
- Abby: Not that Charlie.
- Santa Claus: My Charlie. My son Charlie? He's on the naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.”

Danielle Woodman - Abby
Tim Allen - Santa Claus