Tim Allen movie quotes

“- Natalie Scheffer: Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I mean, I ordered a hamburger and I got a ten-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. And the guy in the play was half naked!
- Joe Scheffer: What? Which half?”
Hayden Panettiere - Natalie Scheffer
Tim Allen - Joe Scheffer

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! And when I wake up, I'm gettin' a CAT scan!”

Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Woody Stevens: Come on, guys, we're exhausted. I think we should take the bikes back to the hotel, put them in a shed with the doors closed, and then play Scrabble in the room with the shades down.
- Doug Madsen: Look Aunt Bea, maybe you want to do something else here in Mayberry!”
John Travolta - Woody Stevens
Tim Allen - Doug Madsen

“Caroline, refresh my memory, will you please? What exactly have you done in the past five years? Wait a minute: I know. You've done Bloomingdale's. You've done lunch. You've done chemical peels. You've done collagen. You've done liposuction.”

Tim Allen - Brad Sexton

“Fella, if you can hear me, I'm just looking for your identification. As soon as I find out who you are, I'll give you a lift back to the mall.”

Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Buzz Lightyear: I must pause for a moment of silence in honor of my ship.
- XR: Oh, please, Buzz! It was just a hunk of metal!
- Mira Nova: OK, and you are...?
- XR: In serious need of some personal space.”
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Larry Miller - XR
Nicole Sullivan - Mira Nova

“- Meg Harper: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
- Joe Scheffer: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.”
Julie Bowen - Meg Harper
Tim Allen - Joe Scheffer

“- Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
- Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.
- Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?”
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Tom Hanks - Woody

“- Buzz Lightyear: You still worried?
- Woody: About Andy? Nah, it will be fun while it lasts.
- Buzz Lightyear: I'm proud of you, cowboy.
- Woody: Besides, when it all ends I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company, for infinity and beyond.”
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Tom Hanks - Woody

“- Scott Calvin: You know, you look pretty good for your age.
- Elf-Judy: Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Paige Tamada - Elf-Judy

“- Woody: Hey, Buzz! You're flying!
- Buzz: This isn't flying, this is falling with style!”
Tom Hanks - Woody
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear

“- Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
- Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster. It doesn't have motivation.
- Alexander Dane: See, that's your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft.”
Alan Rickman - Alexander Dane
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“- Buzz Lightyear: Ma'am? I, uh, um, well, I just wanted to say you're a bright young woman with a beautiful yarn full of hair. A hair full of yarn. It's ah... um... I must go.
- Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl: Well aren't you just the sweetest space toy I ever did meet!”
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Joan Cusack - Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl

“- Charlie: Whoa, Dad! You're flying!
- Scott Calvin: It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s.”
Eric Lloyd - Charlie
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Lucy Miller: Are you Santa Claus? Because you have a reindeer.
- Scott Calvin: Lots of people have reindeer.
- Lucy Miller: Name five.”
Liliana Mumy - Lucy Miller
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“The only thing you need to worry about is where you're going to buy your sweaters after the circus pulls out of town.”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Joe Scheffer: Did you have fun?
- Natalie Scheffer: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant. With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!”
Tim Allen - Joe Scheffer
Hayden Panettiere - Natalie Scheffer

- Booster: The Space Ranger Manual says "No Ranger is allowed to go on a mission without a partner." I think it's Section B, sub-section Delta.
- Buzz Lightyear: Actually, it's sub-section Gamma.
- XR: He's right, big guy, sub-section Delta's the dress code. Incidentally, why can't we have nose rings?
- Buzz Lightyear: Because nose rings are for... (continue)(continue reading)
Stephen Furst - Booster
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Larry Miller - XR

“- Gwen DeMarco: We shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
- Jason Nesmith: Because it's on the television show.
- Gwen DeMarco: Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!”
Sigourney Weaver - Gwen DeMarco
Tim Allen - Jason Nesmith

“- Woody: That is Sid.
- Buzz: You mean that happy child?
- Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!
- Rex: He tortures toys - just for fun!”

Tom Hanks - Woody
Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Don Rickles - Mr. Potato Head
Wallace Shawn - Rex

“- Eliot Arnold: Do you think someone's trying to kill your husband?
- Anna Herk: God, I hope so!”
Tim Allen - Eliot Arnold
Rene Russo - Anna Herk

“- Scott Calvin: Hey, kid, kid... who's in charge here?
- Elf-Larry: You are, and I'm not a kid, I have pointy shoes that are older than you... I'm an elf.”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Joshua Satok - Elf-Larry

“- Michael Cromwell: You sound like an idiot.
- Richard Kempster: I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot! I have spent every day for the last 12 years worrying about my kids. About their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth.”

Tim Allen - Michael Cromwell
Martin Hayter Short - Richard Kempster

“- Laura: All Neal told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.
- Scott Calvin: Kind of like Neal.”

Wendy Crewson - Laura
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin

“- Buzz: I am Buzz Lightyear; I come in peace.
- Rex: Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!”

Tim Allen - Buzz Lightyear
Wallace Shawn - Rex