Awkwardness quotes

“Becoming an actor can be embarrassing. Having to cry in front of the world, or be seen naked on screen. It's also a virtual confession that you had a rotten childhood or are some kind of emotional cripple.”
Henry Fonda

“Someone, tell a joke...”

Feodor Chaliapin Jr. - Old Man

“- Chubbs: It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.
- Happy Gilmore: Get off of me!
- Chubbs: Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension!
- Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.”

Carl Weathers - Chubbs
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“- Alexia: You're not going to let her go to school like that, are you?
- Ben Wheaton: Well, now, Alexia, I seem to recall seeing you in the same outfit a few months ago.
- Alexia: But it was Halloween!”

Katherine Heigl - Alexia Wheaton
Scott Wilkinson - Ben Wheaton

“- Jeffrey Hawks: Holy Shit!
- Simon Wilder: You think so? Looks like the regular garden variety to me.”

Josh Hamilton - Jeffrey Hawks
Joe Pesci - Simon Wilder

“- Dark Helmet: Knock on my door! Knock next time!
- Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!
- Dark Helmet: Did you see anything?
- Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again.
- Dark Helmet: Good!”

Rick Moranis - Dark Helmet
George Wyner - Colonel Sandurz

“- Ververgaert: You don't wet your bed, do you?
- Chooch: No, I generally just piss over the side.”
Harry Teinowitz - Rodney Ververgaert
Ralph Macchio - Chooch

“- Kay Brubaker: You haven't found what you're looking for. You're embarrassed about bothering me again. However, there are one or two questions more you'd like to ask me. It's something personal and you won't bother me any more.
- Robert Caulfield: I haven't found what I'm looking for. I feel embarrassed about bothering you again. However, there...” (continue)(continue reading)
Brenda Vaccaro - Kay Brubaker
Elliott Gould - Robert Caulfield

- Lisa Emerson: Babies and bondage, I could do both?
- Elliot Slater: Yeah, I'd love to say, "My wife is a dominatrix".
- Lisa Emerson: I can just see myself at the kids' school on career day.
Dana Delany - Lisa
Paul Mercurio - Elliot

“- Macaulay Connor: It can't be anything like love, can it?
- Tracy Lord: No, no, it can't be.
- Macaulay Connor: Would it be inconvenient?
- Tracy Lord: Terribly.”
Jimmy Stewart - Macaulay Connor
Katharine Hepburn - Tracy Lord

“Nice place for a pearl necklace.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Little Bill: What the fuck are you doing?
- Little Bill's wife: Go away, Bill, you're embarrassing me.”

William H. Macy - Little Bill
Nina Hartley - Little Bill's Wife

“- Peter Klaven: I made reservations to play golf on Sunday for the four of us.
- Sydney Fife: No, Pete, I told you, I don't play sports with women.
- Peter Klaven: Look, man, you told my fiancee that she needs to give me blowies in front of my whole family, alright? You owe me.
- Sydney Fife: You make a valid point.”
Paul Rudd - Peter Klaven
Jason Segel - Sydney Fife

“- Dean: That's okay, I'm a single dad. It's totally normal for son's to feel weird with their mom's date. Stepping in their dad's shoes protecting their castle.
- Scarlet: He's not my son.
- Dean: Oh, then that's weird.
- Scarlet: It is.”
Larry Poindexter - Dean
Leslie Mann - Scarlet

“- Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I hope you'll forgive me if I acted a little clumsy, but this is the first time I ever met an actress.
- Maria Tura: Lieutenant, this is the first time I've ever met a man who could drop three tons of dynamite in two minutes.”
Robert Stack - Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski
Carole Lombard - Maria Tura

“I'm starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain't flattering, I'll tell you that.”
Zach Galifianakis - David Ghantt

- William "Billy" Tepper: Come on man, get up. We've gotta strike back or I'm going to look like a douche bag in front of the entire school.
- Joseph "Joey" Trotta: You were born looking like a douche bag.
Sean Astin - Billy Tepper
Wil Wheaton - Joey Trotta

“- Pawel: Frances, please! We have nowhere to be together!
- Frances: And what does that make me? Saint Francesca, patron saint of horny teenagers?”

Pawel Szajda - Pawel
Diane Lane - Frances

People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom".
Jeff Anderson - Randal Graves

“Laters on the menjay.”
Paul Rudd - Peter Klaven

“- Dinky Bossetti: I'm sorry if I embarassed you the other day. I kind of got carried away.
- Gerald Howells: You embarassed yourself.”
Winona Ryder - Dinky Bossetti
Thomas Wilson Brown - Gerald Howells

“We're all fools sometimes. Only you choose such awkward times.”
Katharine Hepburn - Sylvia Scarlett a.k.a. Sylvester

“- Dante Hicks: How did he die?
- Randal Graves: He broke his neck.
- Dante Hicks: That's embarrassing?
- Randal Graves: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick!”

Brian O'Halloran - Dante Hicks
Jeff Anderson - Randal Graves

“I loved your piece on the clitoris! I showed it to my mother!”
Daphne Zuniga - Margie Epstein

“Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.”
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist