Christ quotes

“- Jehovah's Witnesses: [at the front door] Good afternoon. Does Jesus Christ dwell in this house?
- Alan Bennett: No. Try the van...”

Samuel Anderson - Jehova's Witnesses
Alex Jennings - Alan Bennett

“I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window.”
Mary-Louise Parker - Lillian

“We are all culpable in the death of Christ. My sins, your sins put Him on that cross.”
Jim Caviezel

“- Reggie: Dave's out. Who's gonna take his place?
- Ned Braden: Is the answer Jesus?”

Paul Newman - Reggie
Michael Ontkean - Ned Braden

“If you call Jesus, His line is never busy.”
Isaac Hayes - Preacher Hurn

“- Jesus Shuttlesworth: I hate my name. What kind of name is Jesus anyway?
- Jake Shuttlesworth: It's biblical.”
Ray Allen - Jesus Shuttlesworth
Denzel Washington - Jake Shuttlesworth

“- John Constantine: Jesus didn't die from being nailed to a cross. He was killed by a soldier's spear.
- Angela Dodson: The Spear of Destiny. I'm a Catholic, John. I know the Crucifixion story.”
Keanu Reeves - John Constantine
Rachel Weisz - Angela Dodson

“- Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
- Forrest Gump: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.”
Gary Sinise - Lieutenant Dan Taylor
Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump

“Let Jesus Christ be your gang-leader!”
Joe Dallesandro - Milton's Father

“- Doctor Martha Livingston: Suppose the saints would have smoked if tobacco'd been popular back then?
- Mother Miriam Ruth: Undoubtably. Not the ascetics, of course, but, well, St. Thomas More.
- Doctor Martha Livingston: Long, thin, and filtered!
- Mother Miriam Ruth: St. Ignatius would smoke cigars and then stub them out on the soles of his...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jane Seymour Fonda - Doctor Martha Livingston
Anne Bancroft - Mother Miriam Ruth

“You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?”
Jason Mewes - Jay

“- Jack Brown: Angela! Jesus H. Christ!
- Eric Bates: Is that her full name?”
Richard Pryor - Jack Brown
Scott Schwartz - Eric Bates

“If Jesus had a nice pair of shoes and a good haircut, he'd never been crucified.”
Aaron Ruell - Judas - Real

“- Brian Hope: Let me try and summarize this: god is his son. And his son is god. But his son moonlights as a holy ghost, a holy spirit, and a dove. And they all send each other, even though they're all one and the same thing.
- Charlie McManus: You've got it. You really could be a nun!”
Eric Idle - Brian Hope
Robbie Coltrane - Charlie McManus

"I love you". That's what Christmas is all about... Clarissa said it to Mr. Krueger; Mr. Krueger said it to Jesus; and Jesus in so many ways said it to all of us.

“It's like a trinity. If Bono is God then Eddie Vedder would be Jesus.”
Ione Skye - Frankie

“- Charles Van Doren: Last week alone, I had 11 proposals of marriage!
- Mark Van Doren: Perhaps you should accept one of them.
- Dorothy Van Doren: And to think, they unleash you on those impressionable young minds.
- Mark Van Doren: Well, why not? He's 33 years old, Jesus Christ had a girlfriend at 33 years old.
- Dorothy Van Doren: Look how...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ralph Fiennes - Charles Van Doren
Paul Scofield - Mark Van Doren
Elizabeth Wilson - Dorothy Van Doren
Adam Kilgour - Thomas Merton - The Monk

“- Frank James: She's still talking to Jesus.
- Jesse James: You know what worries me? That Jesus is talkin' back!”

Gabriel Macht - Frank James
Colin Farrell - Jesse James

“The repetitious excesses of Norman Lindsay have long been a source of consternation to clean-living citizens of this country. For many years he has painted men and women who seem to be slaves of cocaine or a similar drug which has reduced them to frenzied and shameless morbidity. Today, however, not content with scorning all standards of public...” (continue)(continue reading)

Sam Neill - Norman

“I don't want her to know that I like her, I... did you know Christ was a Jew?”
Bill Chott - Thomas

“The Virgin Mary does not chew gum.”
Jan Hooks - Miss Leavey

“- Brian Cohen: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
- Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
- Brian Cohen: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!”
Graham Arthur Chapman - Brian Cohen

“Born-agains say I don't believe in Jesus, so I'll go to Hell. Jews say I do believe in Jesus, I'll go to Hell. Catholics say I don't believe in the pope, I'll go to Hell. So any way you look at it, I'm in the shit.”
Ben Mendelsohn - Malcolm Bench

“I'm sorry, Jesus!”

Trevor Fehrman - Elias

“- Mandy Cohen: The who?
- The Crowd: The Messiah!
- Mandy Cohen: There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!”
Terry Jones - Mandy Cohen