Funeral quotes

“- Harry Doyle: I ain't goin' to your funeral!
- Archie Long: You ain't invited!”
Burt Lancaster - Harry Doyle
Kirk Douglas - Archie Long

“- Justin: Hey, you look nice.
- Martha: I'm dressed for a funeral.”
Ewen Bremner - Justin
Daisy Donovan - Martha

“I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.”

Robin Williams - Garp

I was asked to say a couple of words about Harvey. How about "ugly" and "cheap"? Harvey wrote his will on his cock, and his lawyer said it would not stand up in court.

Slappy White - himself

“Herman! This is the last time I'm going to talk to you, and I'm going to tell you you're the worst fraud I've known in my life! If you hear that I'm dead, don't come to my funeral.”
Lena Olin - Masha

“Lars asked us not to wear black today. He did so to remind us that this is no ordinary funeral. We are here to celebrate Bianca's extraordinary life. From her wheelchair, Bianca reached out and touched us all, in ways we could never have imagined. She was a teacher. She was a lesson in courage. And Bianca loved us all.”
R.D. Reid - Reverend Bock

“- Stacks Edwards: What time is it?
- Tommy DeVito: It's eleven thirty, we're supposed to be there by nine.
- Stacks Edwards: Be ready in a minute.
- Tommy DeVito: Yeah, you were always fuckin' late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral.
[shoots him]”
Samuel L. Jackson - Stacks Edwards
Joe Pesci - Tommy DeVito

“- Clarissa: I hear they're having an open-casket funeral for Jamie. I think that's in bad taste.
- Tony: It is in bad taste. This whole episode is in bad taste. You young people are a disgrace to the human race. To all living things, to plants even. You shouldn't be seen in the same room with a cactus.”
Ione Skye - Clarissa
Josh Richman - Tony

“- Bulldog: If we're dead then what are we doin' in a funeral home with your crazy ass?
- Mr. Simms: This ain't no funeral home! It ain't the Terror Dome, neither! Welcome to Hell, motherfuckers!”
Samuel Monroe Jr. - Bulldog
Clarence Williams III - Mr. Simms

“- Jessup: I don't like coming to funerals of my own men.
- Bobby: Well then don't come. Don't come.”
Robert John Burke - Jessup
Denzel Washington - Bobby

“Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend. But I don't ever remember telling him that. The words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead.”
Ian Bannen - Jackie O'Shea

“- Manicurist: What line of work are you in then?
- Jack Manfred: I'm an undertaker.”
Sheila Whitfield - Manicurist
Clive Owen - Jack Manfred

“- Andrew Largeman: I just feel like I've been going to too many of these lately.
- Sam: What? Dates?
- Andrew Largeman: You call this a date? This isn't a date. No, funerals.”
Zach Braff - Andrew Largeman
Natalie Portman - Sam

“Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?”

Mike Henry - Junior

“- Alan Caldwell: Nobody is going to church, why do we have to?
- Vicky Caldwell: 'Cause we always go to church. Because we love the Lord.
- Alan Caldwell: Well, we went to church yesterday.
- Vicky Caldwell: No, we didn't, God damn it. We went to a funeral.”
Marshall Allman - Alan Caldwell
Shawnee Smith - Vicky Caldwell

“- Ellen Wagstaff Arden: By the way, how was my funeral?
- Ma - Nick's Mother: Lovely. Doctor Blake preached a wonderful service.
- Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Oh, I wish I had been there.”
Irene Dunne - Ellen Wagstaff Arden
Ann Shoemaker - Ma - Nick's Mother

“- Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
- Matilda: A what?
- Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
- Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?”
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries

“I hate funerals. They're an undeniable reminder of man's mortality.”

Ray McKinnon - Rollins

“Only in a place like this do reporters and autograph hounds have absolutely no scruples about stampeding mourners at a funeral. Welcome to Hollywood, a land just off the coast of planet Earth.”
Joanna Lumley - Elinor Glyn

“- Ellen Griswold: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
- Audrey Griswold: Let's not overdo it, mom.
- Ellen Griswold: Shut up.”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Dana Barron - Audrey Griswold

“They even shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral.”
Ray Liotta - Henry Hill

Pete 'Dead Meat' Thompson is dead. So is Mo Green, Tataglia, Barzini, the heads of all the five families. It is at moments like these, my dear friends, that we must ask ourselves: "How can this not be part of some larger plan?".

Lloyd Bridges - Adm. Thomas 'Tug' Benson

“- His Excellency: I presume your funeral was satisfactory.
- Henry Van Cleve: Well, there was a lot of crying, so I believe everybody had a good time.”
Laird Cregar - His Excellency
Don Ameche - Henry Van Cleve

“My mistake. Four coffins.”

Clint Eastwood - Joe

“- Raymond Calitri: [aiming a gun] Who are you?
- Det. Roland Castlebeck: I'm a police officer. You don't want to do that now.
- Raymond Calitri: Yeah, I do.
- Det. Roland Castlebeck: Listen to me. You walk out of here with me, you've got some options. You kill me now you think about this, I'm a police officer your life will be over.
- Raymond...” (continue)(continue reading)
Christopher Eccleston - Raymond Calitri
Delroy Lindo - Det. Roland Castlebeck