Funeral quotes

“Great Spirit, Maker of All Life. A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Tell them to be patient and ask death for speed, for they are all there but one, I, Chingachgook, last of the Mohicans.”
Russell Means - Chingachgook

“- Soothsayer: Caesar. Caesar! Beware of the Ides of March.
- Julius Caesar: One dates as good as another for a funeral.”
Harry Beresford - Soothsayer
Warren William - Julius Caesar

“All I can say is, they did right by me. And I'm bringin' me and a mess of flowers to their funeral.”

“Lord, guard and guide the men who fly through the great spaces in the sky. Be with them always in the air, in darkened storm or sunlight glare. Oh, hear us when we lift our prayer, for those in peril in the air. Amen.”

Royal Dano - Minister

When I die, I want my epitaph to read "Here's lies Abe Polin, King of the Extras. 19th man to yell, 'I'm Spartacus'".
Alan King - Abe

“- Spider: What do you want to do, Scuz, turn over gravestones?
- Scuz: No, I just want to look around the graveyard - I never seen one before.
- Spider: Haven't you ever been to a funeral?
- Scuz: I never knew anyone that died.”
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. - Spider
Brian Peck - Scuz

“From now on, I only go to parties where no one gets cremated.”
Azura Skye - Leann Cole

“There is a clause in all of my contracts, that my liver is to be buried separately, and, with honors.”
Richard Burton - Colonel Allen Faulkner

“- Psychiatrist: Tell me, Harold, what do you do for fun? What activity gives you a different sense of enjoyment from the others? Uh, what do you find fulfilling? What gives you that... special satisfaction?
- Harold: I go to funerals.”
G. Wood - Psychiatrist
Bud Cort - Harold

“- Angela Dodson: She has to have a Catholic funeral, Father. She has to.
- Father Garret: Angela, it's still considered a mortal sin.
- Angela Dodson: She didn't commit suicide.
- Father Garret: The Bishop believes otherwise. You know the rules, Angela.
- Angela Dodson: Oh, rules! Father... David. This is Isabel. God was the only one she ever...” (continue)(continue reading)

Rachel Weisz - Angela Dodson
Francis Guinan - Father Garret

“- Doug Carlin: He's gonna kill her. In twelve hours, he's gonna kill her.
- Jack McCready: He killed her four days ago! You were at the funeral, what's wrong with you?”
Denzel Washington - Doug Carlin
Bruce Greenwood - Jack McCready

“- Daniel: [looks into the coffin] Who is this?
- Undertaker: Pardon me?
- Daniel: That's not my father.
- Undertaker: [checking] Oh shit, we've taken the wrong one.”
Matthew Macfadyen - Daniel
Brendan O'Hea - Undertaker

“It is customary in a eulogy to at least make reference to the deceased.”
Susan Sarandon - Mimi Slocumb

“- McCutheon: I'm afraid the wake is closed tonight. Come back tomorrow.
- Rafe Guttman: I, uh... really must pay my respects right now.
- McCutheon: Then I suggest you come back tomorrow.
- Rafe Guttman: Maybe you don't understand me. I'm feeling excruciatingly sad.”

Aubrey Morris - McCutcheon
Dennis Miller - Rafe Guttman

“- Jack Conroy: Aren't you going to say anything?
- Alex Larson: You know what?
- Jack Conroy: What?
- Alex Larson: I never really liked the bastard.”

Ethan Hawke - Jack
Klaus Maria Brandauer - Alex

“Grandpa Seth has been gone for more than six months now. You were at the funeral, and I know it was very difficult for you. It was also very difficult for your father, and for Holly, and for me his daughter.”
Margo Prey - Diana Waits

“- Father Hollis Mann: I'm sorry I'm late. Let's begin.
- Carol Wetherly: Not yet!
- Father Hollis Mann: God said...
- Carol Wetherly: Forget God! No one is touching him! No one is burying him until I find his bear! Do you hear me? You understand?
- Father Hollis Mann: ...whosoever believeth in me shall never die.”

Philip Anglim - Hollis
Jane Alexander - Carol Wetherly

“- Karen: You'll never get this many people to come to my funeral.
- Michael: Ohh, Karen, I'll come. And, you know... I'll bring a date.”
JoBeth Williams - Karen
Jeff Goldblum - Michael

“Don't cry for me, Argentina. For I am ordinary, unimportant, and undeserving of such attention unless we all are - I think we all are. So share my glory, so share my coffin...”

Madonna - Eva Perón

“- Jack Conroy: Is there any good reason why we can't just bury him here? I don't think he'll know the difference.
- Alex Larson: I gave him my word.”
Ethan Hawke - Jack
Klaus Maria Brandauer - Alex

“- Number One: Angelo, I don't want anyone else to get hurt. I'm giving up the Betsy.
- Angelo Perino: You're what?
- Number One: I've seen people broken before, and it's not gonna happen again. The next funeral I want to attend is my own.”
Laurence Olivier - Number One
Tommy Lee Jones - Angelo Perino

“- Marshal Zane Cooper: Oh, I suppose somebody ought to say something nice about the deceased.
- Annabelle Bransford: How do you know he was nice? We don't know anything about him. The only thing he's got in his wallet is a bunch of names of whorehouses.”
James Garner - Marshal Zane Cooper
Jodie Foster - Annabelle Bransford

“- Madea: He hit me... and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's eight feet under.
- Myrtle: Six feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, six feet under.
- Madea: That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat him down two more feet.”
Tyler Perry - Madea
Cicely Tyson - Myrtle

“It's not everyone gets to see his own funeral.”
Sabine Sun - Dr. Zilenka

“It's like after a funeral, everybody has sex.”
Jacqueline Obradors - Angelica