Funeral quotes

“I hate in-house funerals. I write all the music each time. A cop dies, and I have to play a tune for him. I really don't want to do that for you.”

Chow Yun-Fat - Insp. "Tequila" Yuen

“- Mitch: Grandpa, how come you didn't come to the church?
- Vince: God makes me nervous when you get Him indoors - besides, I don't like to see people in their coffins. They always look so much smaller without their spirits.”
Keith Coogan - Mitch
Lloyd Bridges - Vince

“You've got to believe me, Officer, he is coming to Haddonfield... Because I know him! I'm his doctor! You must be ready for him. If you don't, it's your funeral.”

Donald Pleasence - Loomis

“Now when you go in the grave, and you're just laying there in the casket - the last hurrah, the final goodbye - what are you gonna think about, Bill?”
Mark Borchardt - Filmmaker

“- Dysentery: Since when do we give a toss about this kind of bullshit?
- Punk Girl: Shut up, Dysentery! Where's your sense of national flipping pride?”

Ed Stobart - Dysentery
Gedren Heller - Punk Girl

“[Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna, flatly]
- Clark Griswold: Oh God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms in the flock in thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he laid its down by the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“Young protesters spoke about how they'd change our lives and fix the world. But while they shouted their slogans, my friends and I went to the funeral services of the young men of Hell's Kitchen who came back from Vietnam in body bags.”
Jason Patric - Shakes

“Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. He said it was easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in.”
John Hannah - Matthew - Wedding One

“- Lt. Harry Harbord 'Breaker' Morant: Cheer up. You look as if you were going to a funeral.
- Major J.F. Thomas: Harry...
- Lt. Harry Harbord 'Breaker' Morant: It's all right, Major. I've had a good run. There's nothing for me in England anymore. And back in Australia, well they say if you need a couple of stiff drinks before you climb up on a...” (continue)(continue reading)

Edward Woodward - Lt. Harry Harbord 'Breaker' Morant
Jack Thompson - Major J.F. Thomas

“- Morticia Addams: When we first met years ago, it was an evening much like this. Magic in the air. A boy.
- Gomez Addams: A girl.
- Morticia Addams: An open grave. It was my first funeral.
- Gomez Addams: You were so beautiful. Pale and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse.”
Anjelica Huston - Morticia Addams
Raul Julia - Gomez Addams

“- Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio!
- Clark Griswold: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“What a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. To sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself.”
Ian Bannen - Jackie O'Shea

“- Antonio Salieri: My plan was so simple. It terrified me. First I must get the death mass and then, I must achieve his death.
- Father Vogler: What?
- Antonio Salieri: His funeral! Imagine it, the cathedral, all Vienna sitting there, his coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle, and then, in that silence, music! A divine music bursts out...” (continue)(continue reading)
F. Murray Abraham - Antonio Salieri
Richard Frank - Father Vogler

“Who sends dead flowers to a funeral? It's absurd.”
Ruth Gordon - Maude

“Damn it Jim, what the hell is the matter with you? Other people have birthdays, why are we treating yours like a funeral?”
DeForest Kelley - McCoy

“Dead heroes get the best funerals.”
Powers Boothe - Joshua Foss

“Get three coffins ready.”

Clint Eastwood - Joe

“What's this, an audience or a funeral? Now, pay attention, please. But I'm a little nervous because Harvey was a personal friend of mine, and there's not a person in this room that Harvey Pitnik did not touch. I must say, he touched me for 40 bucks and Steve for 20.”

Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor

“Gilbert, it's the Burger Barn! It's the Burger Barn, Gilbert, the Burger Barn! ”

Leonardo DiCaprio - Arnie Grape

“It's a beautiful day. I'm going to put on my best dress and go to a funeral.”
Kevin Kline - Nick Starkey

“At my age, you don't want to get too close to an open grave.”
Lloyd Bridges - Vince

“- Linda Loman: Why didn't anybody come?
- Charley: It was a very nice funeral.
- Linda Loman: But where are all the people he knew?”

Kate Reid - Linda Loman
Charles Durning - Charley