Inability quotes

“- Sabrina Peterson: How'd you get involved in this, Sam? Willy wanted to get rid of Beekman and he thought you could get the job done?
- Sam Smotherman: Something like that.
- Sabrina Peterson: But you botched the fire in college. What made him think you'd get it right this time?
- Sam Smotherman: I was the only bad guy he knew...”
Julia Roberts - Sabrina Peterson
Saul Rubinek - Sam Smotherman

“- Amanda Brooks: You look like shit, pal.
- Walter Stone: You don't look too good yourself. You all right? You're red. Got a fever or something.
- Amanda Brooks: Probably too much rouge. Got to be a fucking Rembrandt to put on makeup.”
Ellen Barkin - Amanda Brooks
Jimmy Smits - Walter Stone

“I had a date with a pilot last night. Couldn't get my seat back in the upright position. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't.”
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall

“I can't relate to 99% of humanity.”
Steve Buscemi - Seymour

“There's pee freckles on the ceiling now! How'd they get it up there? Just how big a target do they need, you figure? They get enough practice, that's for sure.”

Octavia Spencer - Zelda Fuller

“Legs don't mean nothing. You don't do nothing but push 'em out of the way.”

Denzel Washington - Troy Maxson

“Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym.”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Willa Mercy: I told you I don't know how to dance.
- Ben McKintock: Someone leads, someone follows. We'll figure it out.”
Ashley Williams - Willa Mercy
John Corbett - Ben McKintock

“- Jason's Girlfriend: Have a little faith in him.
- Gloria Minetti Nesstra: Faith in Fulvio? He's a loser. His big ambition is to be a gardener like his grandfather, but the freakin' moron can't even grow a tomato. You ever hear of an Italian that can't grow a tomato? I rest my case.”
Tracy Zahoryin - Jason's Girlfriend
Mary McCormack - Gloria Nesstra

“You call the senator and you tell him R.O.T.O.R. walked through a busload of nuns to get to a jaywalker, with malice towards no one. It won't stop. It wasn't ready. Its brain functions are incomplete. It can't think twice, can't reason, can't change its prime directive. It's like a chainsaw set on frappé.”
Richard Gesswein - Coldyron

“Look, are you and Cosmo in on this together? Because every time I see you, you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a complete idiot. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway - with or without the fireman's pole.”
Renee Zellweger - Bridget Jones

“- Steve Jobs: Have I ever let you down?
- Joanna Hoffman: Every single goddamn time.
- Steve Jobs: Then I'm due.”
Michael Fassbender - Steve Jobs
Kate Winslet - Joanna Hoffman

“There's only three reasons why you can't make your court date. One, you're in a hospital. Two, you're in jail. Three, your ass is dead.”
Tommy "Tiny" Lister - Winston

“- Judy Shepherd: What happened to you, you shave with a piece of glass?
- Alan Parrish: What happened to you, the Clampetts have a yard sale? What do you want? I never shaved before.”
Kirsten Dunst - Judy Shepherd
Robin Williams - Alan Parrish

“- Leila: You should do something.
- Finnegan: I've found you live longer if you don't.”
Una Damon - Leila
Treat Williams - John Finnegan

“- Sheldon Flender: I have never had a play produced. That's right. And I've written one play a year for the past twenty years.
- David Shayne: Yes, but that's because you're a genius. And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. Means you're a genius.”
Rob Reiner - Sheldon Flender
John Cusack - David Shayne

You are gonna be so bad at sex the first time that you don't wanna have sex with someone you like, 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. So you wanna have sex with "hood rats" so that by the time you get to a girl that you do like, you won't be terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. [pause] Probably still pretty bad,... (continue)(continue reading)
Seth Rogen - Cal

“- Jason: Here she comes! Hey, Beck! What's up? You look really nice... How long can a woman be mad at you for?
- Ben: I assume you talked to her, apologized.
- Jason: I emailed her. Subject line: I'm sorry with like a ton of Os so it's like, 'I'm soooorry' with a sad emoticon where it's crying.”
Adam Devine - Jason
Robert De Niro - Ben

“- Andy: We all know Benjamin's three simple rules to safety. One, safety to humans. Two, safety to people's property. And three, make a good movie.
- Casey: Yeah, too bad he can't seem to get rule three right.”

Mo Fischer - Andy
Will Keenan - Casey Kaufman

“He got your gun... your badge... and your teeth? You are a disgrace to the police force.”
Paul Gleason - Sgt. Frank Lackley

“I think it's a sad loss that men have such an aptitude for love coupled with such an inability for managing it properly.”

Maggie Smith - Lily Marlowe

“Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning.”

Thomas Haden Church - Lyle Van de Groot

“I'm technologically an imbecile. But I do use the camera phone!”
Amanda Peet

“We're the CIA, something always goes wrong.”
Annette Bening - Sharon Bridger

“To be no good at something bad is good.”
Alicia Vikander - Alice