Inability quotes

“I don't know how to work this!”

Sarah Jessica Parker - Carrie Bradshaw

“- Ivan Ooze: They've all been destroyed?
- Tengu Warrior: Well, we were about to destroy them.
- Ivan Ooze: What? You didn't kill them? You call yourselves Tengu Warriors? You are Tengu curses! I should have you all stuffed and roasted!”
Paul Freeman - Ivan Ooze

“- Lindsay: What 'cha doing?
- Andy: Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
- Lindsay: Oh, you mean a journal?
- Andy: Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm not all smart like you. ”
Elizabeth Banks - Lindsay
Paul Rudd - Andy

“- Detective Mike Lowrey: [pointing a flashlight at Detective Marcus Burnett's eyes] What are you on? Look at your pupils.
- Detective Marcus Burnett: Look at my pupils? How the hell am I gonna look at my pupils?
[tries to cross his eyes]”
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett

“No one could teach you to dance in a million years. Take my advice and save your money!”
Ginger Rogers - Penny Carroll

“- Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
- Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
- Cindy: Always.”
Kristen Miller - Cindy
Jessica Driscoll - Diana, Principal's Secretary

“- Betsy Faye Sharon: She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven... Claven... there's no agent.
- David Barnes: Find her.
- Betsy Faye Sharon: Well, what if she can't act?
- Burton White: That never stopped us before!”
Carrie Fisher - Betsy Faye Sharon
Robert Downey Jr. - David Barnes

“I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.”

Brian Sergent - Trevor the Rat

“Witches of England... you are a disgrace! Miserable witches... you are good-for-nothing worms! Everywhere I look, I see the repulsive sight of hundreds, thousands of revolting little children...”
Anjelica Huston - Grand High Witch

“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?
- Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence: Sir, yes sir!”

R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Vincent D'Onofrio - Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence

“I can't write and I can't spell. That's the privilege of a first class education.”
Jude Law - Dickie Greenleaf

“- Thomas Rogers: They're saying it's me because I'm only a butler. You said I didn't have the brains to do it.
- Dr. Edward G. Armstrong: I didn't vote for you, Rogers.
- Thomas Rogers: Who did then?
- Dr. Edward G. Armstrong: Who didn't drink the cocktail you just served?”
Richard Haydn - Thomas Rogers
Walter Huston - Dr. Edward G. Armstrong

“These two guys are a two-man disaster area. They just bought a boat and destroyed it in less than an hour. Look, these idiots won't get very far. Now they've got my map. It might take me another day to find them. But I will find them. Don't worry. And when I'm finished with them, I'll know where the money is.”

Nick Brimble - Dekker Massey

“- Elaine: I thought you said you couldn't swim!
- Louise: I can't!”

Jane Curtin - Elaine
Jessica Lange - Louise

“Those fools in the tower know exactly what they're doing which is more than I can say for you bunch of idiots.”

Louis Gossett Jr. - Charles "Chappy" Sinclair

“- Policeman: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock.
- Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County: You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella.”
Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“- Hector Cyr: She tell you that we had sex together? So vigorous!
- Kelly Scott: I never had sex with you!
- Hector Cyr: I'm horrible in bed. They never remember.”
Oliver Platt - Hector Cyr
Bridget Fonda - Kelly Scott

“- Cecil Vyse: You don't love me, evidently. I dare say you're right not to, but... it would help a little, hurt a little less, if I knew why.
- Lucy Honeychurch: Because you're the sort who can't know anyone intimately, least of all a woman.”
Daniel Day-Lewis - Cecil Vyse
Helena Bonham Carter - Lucy Honeychurch, Miss Bartlett's cousin and charge

“My six-year-old son can shoot better! Do you call yourself an Imperial soldier?”

Takumi Bando - Captain Tanida

“Petrie, don't feel sad. It's alright. Many things can't fly. Rocks, trees, sticks, Spike...”

Judith Barsi - Ducky

“- Cooter Davenport : I'm fixin' to fix it.
- Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: You're fixin' to fix it? Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor.”

David Koechner - Cooter Davenport
M.C. Gainey - Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

“- Helen: Tod?
- Tod: Yeah?
- Helen: Do you want me to make you breakfast?
- Tod: No thanks, Julie will.
- Helen: Great. I'll get the fire extinguisher.”

Dianne Wiest - Helen
Keanu Reeves - Tod

“- Ed Dillinger: We've had to shut down all Group 7 personnel, just briefly security. Someone with that access has been tampering.
- Alan Bradley: I hope you don't think it's me. I don't even balance my checkbook on downtime. I have an abacus at home for that.”
David Warner - Ed Dillinger
Bruce Boxleitner - Alan Bradley

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

I couldn't catch a ball. Well, it 's hard to catch with your face. I had the word "Spalding" written on my forehead 'til I was about six.
Billy Crystal - Abbie