Joke quotes
78 joke quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines- From the movie: Cruel Intentions
“I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny.”
- From the animation: Futurama
- From the movie: Red Notice
“Why are you wearing the hairnet? You’re bald.”
- From the animation: South Park
- From the TV Series: Better Call Saul
“What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle? The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.”
- From the TV Series: Better Call Saul
“Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.”
- From the TV Series: Better Call Saul
“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.”
- From the TV Series: Better Call Saul
- From the TV Series: Better Call Saul
“What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer? The tick falls off when you’re dead!”
- From the TV Series: Suits
- From the TV Series: Modern Family
“When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all, ‘Whaaat?'”
- From the TV Series: The O.C.
“Summer-You were in the comic book club?
Seth-Yeah. I was the president and only member.” - From the TV Series: Rick and Morty
“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together.”
- From the TV Series: Rick and Morty
“You and Unity are like... like leggings and mid-calf boots. You think you're great together, but you're just bringing out the worst in each other.”
- From the TV Series: Lucifer
- From the TV Series: Lucifer
“Typical Vegas. Even the suicides are fake.”
- From the movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier
“Sam Wilson-You're a lot heavier than you look.
Steve Rogers-I had a big breakfast.” - From the movie: Guardians of the Galaxy
“Gamora-And Quill, your ship is filthy.
Peter Quill-Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.” - From the movie: Thunder Force
“Young Emily-They were geneticists.
Young Lydia-Wait, wait. Both of them were like lady part doctors?
Young Emily-No, that’s a gynecologist. Geneticists are scientists who work on genes, including mutated ones.
Young Lydia-Oh. Yeah, I knew that. I’m like testing you.” - From the movie: A Man Called Ove
“Anders-What did you do to the dog?
Ove-That's not a dog. It looks like a winter boot with eyes.” - From the movie: Hell or High Water
“Marcus Hamilton-This is what they call white man's intuition.
Alberto Parker-Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle.” - From the TV Series: The Good Place
“I haven’t encountered this much resistance since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun.”
- From the TV Series: Russian Doll
“Nothing in this world is easy, except pissing in the shower.”
- From the movie: Flora & Ulysses
“The Silver Surfer. He first appeared with the Fantastic Four and can travel at the speed of light and somehow nobody seems to notice that he’s completely naked.”
- From the movie: The Courier
“Emily Donovan-Make sure you wear it while you’re in Moscow.
Greville Wynne-What does this do? Shoot poison darts?”
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