Relatives quotes

“Five o'clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“- Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
- Clark Griswold: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Zazu: There's one in every family sire. Two in mine, actually. And they always manage to ruin special occasions.
- Mufasa: What am I going to do with him?
- Zazu: He'd make a very handsome throw rug.
- Mufasa: Zazu!
- Zazu: And just think, whenever he gets dirty you can take him out and beat him.”

Rowan Atkinson - Zazu
James Earl Jones - Mufasa

“- Lady Ascot: Do you know what I fear most?
- Alice: The decline of the aristocracy?
- Lady Ascot: Ugly grandchildren.”
Geraldine James - Lady Ascot
Mia Wasikowska - Alice in Wondeland

“Guys, I can't think Penny is hot. I mean, she's my cousin. That's like thinking my mom's... Whoa, I'm gonna stop right there.”
Christopher Grace - Eric Forman

“I lost my virginity to my cousin, Jeanie. It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral, we were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.”
Simon Helberg - Howard Wolowitz

“- Roger: You're not going to die.
- Sherlock Holmes: I'm 93.
- Roger: I had a great-uncle who lived to be 102.
- Sherlock Holmes: Well done. That seals my fate. What are the odds that you would know two men who would live that long?”
Milo Parker - Roger
Sir Ian McKellen - Sherlock Holmes

“- Rita: I'd like a grandchild. So, shoot me.
- Kate: All right, Ma. Well, you'll be happy to know I'm looking into getting some eggs frozen.
- Rita: Wonderful. I can tell everyone I'm having a grandsicle.”
Olympia Dukakis - Rita
Jennifer Aniston - Kate

“- Toby: Beauty is relative.
- Bree: Not my relatives.”
Kevin Zegers - Toby
Felicity Huffman - Bree

“- Galen: I know I'm just your uncle, not a parent, but uh, you can tell me things if need to.
- Neckbone: I can tell you this helmet smells like my duck butter.”
Michael Shannon - Galen
Jacob Lofland - Neckbone

“- Grandfather: You think you can just drop her into my life then take her away again? I won't allow it! She can't stay here.
- Dete: She's got to, she's your granddaughter.
- Grandfather: No! I don't have a granddaughter, not anymore.”

Jason Robards - Grandfather
Jane Hazlegrove - Dete

“My father, your son... Holy cannoli, you are my sister!”
Dana Carvey - Pistachio Disguisey

“- Joshua Waits: Don't tell me they ate him, Grandpa!
- Grandpa Seth: That's exactly what happened... with a voracity than has no equal on Earth!”

Michael Paul Stephenson - Joshua Waits
Robert Ormsby - Grandpa Seth

“- Maggie Bess: Isn't that great? You got a late uncle.
- Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: What's he late for?
- Kathy Kriticos: His next birthday.”
Rah Digga - Maggie Bess
Alec Roberts - Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos
Shannon Elizabeth - Kathy Kriticos

“- Benjamin Franklin Gates: I'm in a little trouble.
- Patrick Gates: Is she pregnant?
- Benjamin Franklin Gates: If she is would you leave the mother of your grandchild standing out in the cold?
- Patrick Gates: Come in.”

Nicolas Cage - Benjamin Franklin Gates
Jon Voight - Patrick Gates

“You won't be alone long. Wait till the news of your 5 millions hits the front pages. You'll find you've got relatives all over the world.”
William Powell - Nick Charles

- Great Gam Gam: You two are the rightful heirs to the Von Wolfhausen Brewery. You should have the balls to take back what is yours!
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Wow! You even talk like a whore!
- Great Gam Gam: We are all whores in some ways.
Cloris Leachman - Great Gam Gam
Steve Lemme - Steve "Fink" Finklestein

“My pop, he weren't a religious man, you know? If you couldn't grow it, kill it, or eat it, he just plain old didn't believe in it, that was it.”

Tom Hardy - John Fitzgerald

“A glorious absence of sophistication. It can be full-time or part-time, but we're all guilty of it at some time or another. And if you're not guilty of it, then you have relatives who are.”

Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“- Adonis Johnson: Yeah I'm going to be living with my uncle for a little bit.
- Bianca: That's your uncle? He's white!”

Sylvester Stallone - Adonis Johnson
Tessa Thompson - Bianca

“Recently, my parents looked me up on the Internet. Asked to meet their grandchildren. Spend a week with them. I looked my parents up, they have a counseling website. People love them. Ironically, they counsel people, which is a hoot.”
Kathryn Hahn - Mom

“The trouble with being the Prime Minister's sister is, it does put your life into rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. And what did I do? I made a papier maché lobster head.”
Emma Thompson - Karen

“- Alan: I was so upset when my grandpa died.
- Phil: How'd he die?
- Alan: World War II.
- Phil: Died in battle?
- Alan: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.”
Zach Galifianakis - Alan
Bradley Cooper - Phil

“Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.”
Gene Hackman - Lex Luthor

“- Kyle Pratt: So you have any kids?
- Fiona: Do nieces count?”
Jodie Foster - Kyle Pratt
Erika Christensen - Fiona