Shit quotes

“- Buddy: What is that smell?
- Pops: It's poo-poo with a dash of caca.”

Hannibal Buress - Buddy
Dana Carvey - Pops

“- Montrose: Great men, such as yourself, draw rumors as shite draws flies.
- Duke of Argyll: You are the shite, Montrose, and the flies upon it!”
Sir John Hurt - Montrose
Andrew Keir - Argyll

“I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.”

Brian Cox - Captain O'Hagan

“I walked in the bathroom, and in the middle toilet right there... somebody didn't shit in the toilet, somebody shat on the toilet. They shat on the wall, they shat on the floor. I had to clean it up, man, but before that, for about 10 to 15 seconds man, I just stared at somebody's shit, man. To be totally honest with you, man, it was a really,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Mark Borchardt - Filmmaker

“Right now, that dog is my life. And when he poops, his poop is my life.”
Ashley Olsen - Jane Ryan

“- Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again.
- Barbara: Don't put it out with your boots, Ted.
- Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Don't tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one's outta control.”

Jack Mather - Ted 'Old Man' Clemens

“Life is basically an all-you-can-eat shit show.”
Brian Tarantina - Jackie

“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together.”
Justin Roiland - Morty

“I need to go do a number two almost immediately.”
Rhian Rees - Dana Haines

The big brown shark is gonna to come. I set records for my shit turds. I move my bowels all over my toilet. All over my bathroom, I'm moving bowels. I shit so hard sometimes, people next door will be like, "Warriors, come out and play".
Tracy Morgan - Paul

“Years ago, I saved up a million bucks from acting — a lot of money back then — and I spent it all on a ranch outside Tucson. Now when I go down there, I look at the place and I realize my whole acting career adds up to a million bucks' worth of horse shit.”
Robert Mitchum

“- Sly: What's the one thing grown-ups fear most about us babies?
- Duby: Dirty diapers!
- Sly: You're wrong!
- Duby: Well, they make those stupid faces when they change our diapers!
- Sly: It's our intelligence, everyone, our intelligence.”
Leo Fitzgerald - Sly
Zachary Handy - Duby

“- Doctor Carver: Can you shovel manure?
- Sonora: Manure just happens to be my speciality.”
Cliff Robertson - Doctor W.F. Carver
Gabrielle Anwar - Sonora Webster

“On a scale of one to ten, you know negative shit, buddy.”
Christian Campbell - John Luke

“To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!”
Clint Eastwood - Harry Callahan

“Okay, you've gone belly up in Shit's Creek. You need a paddle real bad. What do you reach for? Art!”
Peter Falk - Pedro Carmichael

“I'll shovel it. I'll live in it. But I won't take it.”

George Segal - Walter Whitney

“- Meteor Bert: Well, it ain't a meteor.
- Joe Dirt: Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.
- Meteor Bert: Well I'm sure it did but it ain't no meteor. It's a big ol' frozen chunk o' shit.
- Joe Dirt: What?
- Meteor Bert: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call 'em Boeing bombs.”
Hamilton Camp - Meteor Bert
David Spade - Joe Dirt

“Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a very mysterious thing in there… [whispers] drop some timber.”
Dana Goodman - Carrie Mae

“- George Clyde: Rodel, you want my bacon?
- Jake: Yes, I could eat it.
- George Clyde: Well, I'll shit it out by the oak tree in the morning, you just go and help yourself.”
Simon Baker - George Clyde
Tobey Maguire - Jake Roedel

“- Reuben Tishkoff: Frank come on let me in.
- Turk Malloy: How do you think it feels when you're sitting down on the toilet and someone's banging on the door?
- Reuben Tishkoff: Well, I gotta sit down on the toilet or else I'm gonna shit on your feet.”
Elliott Gould - Reuben Tishkoff
Scott Caan - Turk Malloy

“Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.”
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist

“- Munder: I just think I shit my pants.
- Dodge: No, you always smell that way.”
Karl Urban - Munder
Ron Eldard - Dodge

“The whole world is turning to shit!”
Robert Davi - Alacran

“- Michael Kellam: How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?
- Peter Mitchell: Beats the shit out of me.”

Steve Guttenberg - Michael Kellam
Tom Selleck - Peter Mitchell