Charlie Sheen movie quotes

“Jake Harper-Why do you hate your mother?
Charlie Harper-I'll tell you all about that when you're old enough to drink
”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper
Angus T. Jones - Jake Harper

“There are no such things as small frightened women. That's a myth, perpetrated by the large angry women who secretly run the world!”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“You know when dogs are sick they hide until they feel better.. probably why they're man's best friend.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's lying on the ground.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“An awards ceremony is like a Thai massage. If you don't know that there's gonna be a happy ending, there's no point in lying down.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“You don't dry clean a rented tuxedo. You don't redecorate a hotel room. You don't order cable for a port-a-potty...unless you're really, really drunk. And you don't take on the bills of a girl that's got the attention span of a monkey chewing on a fly swatter.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“No woman ever came home from a date complaining that all she did was talk about herself.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“The day you start accepting limitations is the day you start dying, and I am not dying, my friend. I am living life to the fullest. ”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“I just think variety is the spice of life. And as far as spices go, some people like salt, some people like pepper, some like salt and pepper. Me, I like women!”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“If you can't afford dog food, don't get a dog.”

Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me, and on my next statement, there were charges for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. And I never got to play with either one of them.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“Girls don't generally respond to desperation.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose some brain cells.”

Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“He's an alcoholic with a lot of money. There's nothing you can do about people like that. The best you can do is be nice to them so you can inherit their house when they crap out their liver.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“My past is divided between things I can’t remember and things I don’t want to.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“It’s just never a good idea to tell a woman more than they need to know.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper

“- Lt. Topper Harley: There's something I want you to have. I've been putting a little away for the past ten years. It's not much. 2500. I wish I could do more.
- Mary Thompson: Why, Topper. That's so sweet. Why, with the three million that I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket, I can take this 2500 and just blow it all on hats.”
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley
Heidi Swedberg - Mary Thompson

“What's your point? There's always something that gives me false hope? That I'm wasting my life?”

Charlie Sheen - Zane Zaminsky

“- Richard 'Dick' Brewer: We've got a warrant for you, old man.
- Buckshot Roberts: I ain't got no business with that warrant no more, pecker head son of a bitch.”
Charlie Sheen - Richard 'Dick' Brewer
Brian Keith - Buckshot Roberts

“- D'Artagnan: Why's Athos sitting by himself?
- Aramis: He takes his drinking very seriously. Not to worry; he'll be his usual charming self by morning.”
Chris O'Donnell - D'Artagnan
Charlie Sheen - Aramis

“You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.”
Charlie Sheen - Boy in Police Station

“- Ramada Thompson: You were discharged from the service 18 months ago for willful insubordination. You disobeyed a direct order and lost a $13 million fighter in the process.
- Lt. Topper Harley: Yes, I did. But I'm paying it off at ten bucks a week. And I wouldn't be doing that if I'd gotten that extra collision coverage.”
Valeria Golino - Ramada Thompson
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley

“- Willie Mays Hayes: What the hell league you been playing in?
- Rick Vaughn: California Penal...
- Willie Mays Hayes: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
- Rick Vaughn: Stole a car.”

Wesley Snipes - Willie Mays Hayes
Charlie Sheen - Rick Vaughn

“- George: I have a dream.
- Tom: What is your dream?
- George: To have a dream.”
Simon Rex - George
Charlie Sheen - Tom