Charlie Sheen movie quotes

“- James St. James: Who was Richard Nixon's chief of staff during the final days of Watergate?
- Carl Taylor: Oprah Winfrey.”
Emilio Estevez - James St. James
Charlie Sheen - Carl Taylor

“- Bean: Where are you going?
- Kramer: Church services.
- Bean: Church? You? What for?
- Kramer: Vietnam's what for, asshole!”
Charlie Sheen - Bean
Ken Douglas - Kramer

“- James St. James: This is the last year we throw trash.
- Carl Taylor: You said that last year.
- James St. James: Yeah, but this year I mean it.
- Carl Taylor: You meant it last year.”
Emilio Estevez - James St. James
Charlie Sheen - Carl Taylor

“- Athos: Only a fool would try and arrest us twice in one day.
- Jussac: You're under arrest.
- Aramis, Porthos: A fool.”
Kiefer Sutherland - Athos
Paul McGann - Jussac
Charlie Sheen - Aramis
Oliver Platt - Porthos

“- David Ackerman: It's time to stop being scared.
- Sarah: I don't like this.
- David Ackerman: Well, nobody asked you to.”
Charlie Sheen - David Ackerman
Lara Flynn Boyle - Sarah

“It's like an ICBM. You're never gonna use the fucker, but you sleep better at night knowing that you have one.”

Charlie Sheen - Ted Varrick

“- Itchy Itchiford: I can't believe it! I'm not itchy.
- Charlie Barkin: That's funny. You look like him.
- Itchy Itchiford: No, I mean for the first time in my life, I don't have to scratch!
- Charlie Barkin: Of course not, Itch. This is heaven. Fleas go to the other place.”

Dom DeLuise - Itchy Itchiford
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Barkin

“- Richard 'Dick' Brewer: Rumor has it you killed a man, Billy. You don't seem like the killing sort.
- Dirty Steve Stephens: Yeah, Billy. What'd you kill him for?
- William H. 'Billy the Kid' Bonney: He was hacking on me.”
Charlie Sheen - Richard 'Dick' Brewer
Dermot Mulroney - Dirty Steve Stephens
Emilio Estevez - William H. 'Billy the Kid' Bonney

“- Boy in Police Station: What's your name?
- Jeanie Bueller: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna.
- Boy in Police Station: Okay, Jean.”
Charlie Sheen - Boy in Police Station
Jennifer Grey - Jeanie Bueller

“- Carl Taylor: What does a phrenologist feel and interpret?
- James St. James: The size of Walt's asshole. A phrenologist feels and interprets the bumps on your head. Skull features.”

Charlie Sheen - Carl Taylor
Emilio Estevez - James St. James

“Chew some gum! Your breath smells like my grandmother's feet.”
Charlie Sheen - Jack Hammond

“As morning hues of sun swept fire caress your passion face. Alone with thee in pure desire, to worship your untold grace. My soul would cry in silent prayer, for hours spent apart. Your essence warms the evening air, as I dance into your heart.”
Charlie Sheen - Aramis

“My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm animals.”
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley

- Artie Mitchell: You're the most beautiful woman in this hot tub.
- Jamie the "Actress": So, where's your wife?
- Karen Mitchell: She's right here, asshole!
- Jamie the "Actress": Bitch.
- Artie Mitchell: Honey!
Charlie Sheen - Artie Mitchell
Kim Poirier - Jamie the "Actress"
Nicole de Boer - Karen Mitchell

“What do I want to do? I want to blow a hole in your head and donate your organs to science, but I've got a few questions first.”

Charlie Sheen - Zane Zaminsky

“The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.”
Charlie Sheen - Ryan Edward Turner

“If I die and go to hell, it'll look like my parents' house.”
Charlie Sheen - David Ackerman

“- Lt. James Curran: Hawkins... blow it!
- Lt. Dale Hawkins: Sorry, boss. I can't do that.
- Ramos: Sounds like an order to me, Lieutenant...
- Lt. Dale Hawkins: Fuck his order!”
Michael Biehn - Lt. James Curran
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Dale Hawkins
Paul Sanchez - Ramos

“My whole life, all I've wanted to do is fly. Bomb stuff. Shoot people down.”
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley

“Double chili cheeseburger with onions and pickles!”

Charlie Sheen - Charlie Barkin

“- Aramis: I hope your sword is as quick as your mouth.
- D'Artagnan: It's quicker.
- Aramis: Ah, a duel then.
- D'Artagnan: A duel.”
Charlie Sheen - Aramis
Chris O'Donnell - D'Artagnan

“- Ryan Edward Turner: I'd kill myself right now, but I'd probably end up in Hell, and that would be redundant.
- Barry Sherman: Well, at least you'd be among friends.”
Charlie Sheen - Ryan Edward Turner
Jon Lovitz - Barry Sherman

“- Charlie Barkin: Hi, I'm Charlie. And, you are?
- Sasha La Fleur: Not remotely interested.”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Barkin
Sheena Easton - Sasha La Fleur

“- James St. James: What are you doing?
- Carl Taylor: I hate shitheads who bully their women.
- James St. James: So what are you going to do?
- Carl Taylor: Shoot him.”
Emilio Estevez - James St. James
Charlie Sheen - Carl Taylor

“- Roy Alston: You remember Christmas? That guy smashing your car and taking off? You could do nothing about it.
- Bo Richards: I was so pissed off, man. I wanted to kill that guy.
- Roy Alston: That's how I feel all the time.”
Maxwell Caulfield - Roy Alston
Charlie Sheen - Bo Richards