Chris Rock movie quotes

“I see [illegal immigration] as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.”
Chris Rock

“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
[On gay marriage].”
Chris Rock

“If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.”
Chris Rock

“After I lost my dad, I realized none of us should take things too seriously, because everything works itself out. Everything. No matter what happens, or how difficult things become, eventually you will feel better.”
Chris Rock

“We need to control the bullets. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars. If a bullet cost five thousand dollars, there'd be no more innocent bystanders. People would think before they killed somebody.”
Chris Rock - Himself

“I'm ten-years-old. My life is half over and I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes!”
Chris Rock - Marty

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Rock

“Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones

“You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
Chris Rock

“Somehow she did it. Little by little, with a tug here and a pull there, she brought me out of my sadness.”
Chris Rock - Older Hero Mouse

“- Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball!
- Rodney: You can't save them all, Hasselhoff.”

Gilbert Gottfried - Compulsive Dog
Chris Rock - Rodney

“- Sontee Jenkins: What kind of man are you?
- Lance Barton: Sounds like I'm an asshole!”
Regina King - Sontee Jenkins
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

I sucked so bad they used to pick me after the white kids. They used to say "Man I can't believe I picked a nigga that can't play".

Chris Rock - Caretaker

“- Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
- Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
- Jay: Aw fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
- Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
- Jay: Dude, not all the time.”
Jason Mewes - Jay
Chris Rock - Rufus

“Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!”
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“How many of you, right now, work two jobs just to have enough money to be broke? That ain't right.”
Chris Rock - Mays Gilliam

“He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.”

Chris Rock - Rufus

“- Mays Gilliam: Are you seeing somebody else?
- Kim: I'm seeing everybody else! I've met mosquitoes with more force than you!”
Chris Rock - Mays Gilliam
Robin Givens - Kim

“- Jake Hayes: Is this fish?
- Nicole: Yeah, of course. You love fish.
- Jake Hayes: That's right. I love fish, but that's before I became a vegetarian. Oh, waiter, waiter! I can't eat this. Can you get me something else? How about a steak, medium well, please.”
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes
Garcelle Beauvais - Nicole

“- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
- Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
- Kurt McKenzie: That's 4.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Yeah.”
Salma Hayek - Roxanne Chase-Feder
Kevin James - Eric Lamonsoff
Chris Rock - Kurt McKenzie

“- Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
- Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
- Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
- Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
- Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.”
Chris Rock - Rufus
George Carlin - Cardinal Glick
Linda Fiorentino - Rufus

“- Alex: Our friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
- Marty: Don't you be calling me cuckoo in the head!”
Ben Stiller - Alex
Chris Rock - Marty

“When I was a kid, we were so poor... that the roaches was on welfare.”
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“- Officer Oaks: I'm not married.
- Jake Hayes: What, there's no Mrs. Spy?
- Officer Oaks: No, relationships and attachments are useless in this business.”
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Officer Oakes
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes

“Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord.”
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones