Joe Pesci movie quotes

“- Simon Wilder: Is this a lover's quarrel? Maybe I should leave.
- Courtney Blumenthal: We're not lovers, we're roommates and we respect each others' space.
- Simon Wilder: You respect each others' empty air? That's very profound for a couple of Harvard students.”
Joe Pesci - Simon Wilder
Moira Kelly - Courtney Blumenthal

“Gus, this guy wrecked our boat. Look what he did to my car. He tried to kill us. He embarrassed me, Gus, I don't know about you, but he made me cry and I don't feel much like a man, Gus. I thought you would want to help me.”

Joe Pesci - Joe Waters

“- Gus Green: Joe, do me a favor.
- Joe Waters: Yeah, Gus, I'd do anything for you. You know that.
- Gus Green: I know that. Stop smoking. I want you to stop smoking. For me, your wife, your family, everybody. We love you, man.”
Danny Glover - Gus Green
Joe Pesci - Joe Waters

“- Harry Lime: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
- Marv Merchants: Candy stores!
- Harry Lime: Nine year-olds rob candy stores, Marv.”
Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Daniel Stern - Marv Merchants

“- Louie Kritski: I need to use your bathroom.
- Eleanor: No!
- Louie Kritski: What am I supposed to do, shit outside?
- Eleanor: Lincoln did.”
Joe Pesci - Louie Kritski
Carol Jean Lewis - Eleanor

“- Ron Nessim: How are we supposed to keep warm in the mean time?
- Louie Kritski: Burn one of your kids. What do I care?”
Anthony Heald - Ron Nessim
Joe Pesci - Louie Kritski

“- Mona Lisa Vito: What the fuck is going on here, Vinny? You fucking up this case or what?
- Vinny Gambini: I explained it to you already, didn't I? It's a procedure. I'm learning all this as I go along. I'm bound to fuck up a little.
- Mona Lisa Vito: A little? You've been thrown in jail twice!”
Marisa Tomei - Mona Lisa Vito
Joe Pesci - Vinny Gambini

“That car meant a lot to me, Gus. I get memories of that car I can't even remember.”

Joe Pesci - Joe Waters

“Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, you know what? You'd be a good litigator. I didn't know...” (continue)(continue reading)

Joe Pesci - Vinny Gambini

“They're perfect. Don't matter if they're skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love, Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect.”
Joe Pesci - Simon Wilder

Here they are, "The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse"! Did you happen to see that movie, Joe? It's a good movie.

Joe Pesci - Frankie

“This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee.”

Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro

“- Mona Lisa Vito: I want a wedding in church with bridesmaids and flowers.
- Vinny Gambini: Whoa. How many times did you say that spontaneous is romantic?
- Mona Lisa Vito: Hey, a burp is spontaneous. A burp is not romantic.”
Marisa Tomei - Mona Lisa Vito
Joe Pesci - Vinny Gambini

“When you look at the bricks from the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card. His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick. It has to be an illusion, 'cause you're innocent. Nobody - I mean nobody - pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini, especially this one. Give me a chance, one chance. Let me question the first witness. If after...” (continue)(continue reading)

Joe Pesci - Vinny Gambini

“- Harry Lime: What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again didn't you? You left the water running. What's wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it.
- Marv Merchants: Harry, it's our calling card!
- Harry Lime: Calling card.
- Marv Merchants: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the wet bandits!”

Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Daniel Stern - Marv Merchants

“- Harry Lime: Are your parents home?
- Brooke McCallister: Yeah.
- Harry: Do they live here?
- Brooke McCallister: No.
- Harry: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.”
Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Anna Slotky - Brooke McCallister

“Who did the president, who killed Kennedy, fuck man! It's a mystery! It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma! The fuckin' shooters don't even know!”
Joe Pesci - David Ferrie

“- Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
- Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?
- Tommy...” (continue)(continue reading)

Joe Pesci - Tommy DeVito
Ray Liotta - Henry Hill

“All right, so he got shot in the foot, what is it, a big fuckin' deal?”
Joe Pesci - Tommy DeVito

“- Louie Kritski: How come you're not in school, kid?
- Tito: It's Saturday.
- Louie Kritski: Yeah? Then why aren't you out playing basketball or break dancing?”
Joe Pesci - Louie Kritski
Kenn Michael - Tito

“She don't want to go out with Italians alone. She's prejudiced against Italians. Do you believe that? In this day and age? What the fuck is the world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudiced against Ital... a Jew broad... prejudiced against Italians.”
Joe Pesci - Tommy DeVito

“- Jake La Motta: Did Salvy fuck Vickie?
- Joey LaMotta: What?
- Jake La Motta: Did Salvy fuck Vickie?
- Joey LaMotta: Jack. Jack, don't start your shit. I mean it, don't start.”

Robert De Niro - Jake La Motta
Joe Pesci - Joey

“- Simon Wilder: How many bottles of that wine would you be willing to give me to fix it?
- Everett Calloway: To get this thing running? Six.
- Simon Wilder: Eight.
- Everett Calloway: Seven.
- Simon Wilder: Eight.
- Everett Calloway: Okay, nine, but that's my final offer.
- Simon Wilder: Didn't you used to run a saving and loan?”
Joe Pesci - Simon Wilder
Patrick Dempsey - Everett Calloway

“- Nicky Santoro: What's takin' so long over there?
- Frank Marino: This peter's a motherfucker.
- Jack Hardy: It's workin'. Just keep workin' it. It's comin'.
- Nicky Santoro: Gotta learn how to open these fuckin' things so you won't have to take 'em.”

Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro
Frank Vincent - Frank Marino
Jed Mills - Jack Hardy

“- Harry Lime: [holding up three fingers on one hand] Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?
- Marv Merchants: Uh, uhm, eight?”

Joe Pesci - Harry Lime
Daniel Stern - Marv Merchants