John Candy movie quotes

“- Harry Crumb: What's this? An egg?
- Eliot Draisen: It's a pterodactyl egg. It's fossilized. It's 90 million years old. In the entire world, only two of these have ever been found.
- Harry Crumb: You know, that may be worth something.”
John Candy - Harry Crumb
Jeffrey Jones - Eliot Draisen

“- Rose Muldoon: I don't hurt people.
- Danny Muldoon: Oh no? I guess you didn't hurt Aunt Dolly on her wedding day when you said she looked like a, uh, a cheap Las Vegas hooker.”
Maureen O'Hara - Rose Muldoon
John Candy - Danny Muldoon

- Harry Crumb: I am Djour Djilios.
- Suki's Salon Receptionist: Could you spell that, please?
- Harry Crumb: I don't think so. Try it with a "D".

John Candy - Harry Crumb
Brenda Crichlow - Suki's Salon Receptionist

“I am dead! I'm in Hell! And my punishment, is to spend eternity on my own show!”
John Candy - Jack Gable

- Tia Russell: His name is Bug.
- Buck Russell: [chuckles] First or last?
- Tia Russell: First!
- Buck Russell: What's his last name, Spray?
- Tia Russell: You should talk, "Buck".
Jean Louisa Kelly - Tia Russell
John Candy - Buck Russell

“- Jack Chester: Don't serve those.
- Al Pellet: What are you doing?
- Jack Chester: These are my lobsters.
- Al Pellet: Your lobsters?
- Jack Chester: That's right you've got my table but you're not getting my lobsters.”

John Candy - Jack Chester
Richard Crenna - Al Pellet

“- Rose Muldoon: I had a Pollock friend once. She was incredibly stupid...
- Danny Muldoon: Don't do this, Ma.
- Rose Muldoon: ... Julie Kapowski. She was the stupidest woman that I ever knew. She believed that black cows... black cows squirted chocolate milk!”
Maureen O'Hara - Rose Muldoon
John Candy - Danny Muldoon

“- Tiffany: You really want to win this thing, don't you?
- Charlie Cronan: Oh, absolutely. I mean winning the Cannonball. That's something you tell your grandkids about.
- Tiffany: You're a grandfather? You look so young.
- Charlie Cronan: Oh no, I'm not a grandfather yet. I hope to have grandkids someday, but I'm not a grandfather yet.”
Donna Dixon - Tiffany
John Candy - Charlie Cronan

“Just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Oh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.”
John Candy - Irv

“You know Nikki, you and I are a lot alike. We're both travelling through life... in a car with no breaks!”
John Candy - Harry Crumb

“You see, drinking is a matter of algebraic ratio. How drunk you get is caused by the amount of alcohol you consume in relation to your total body weight. You see my point? It's not that you had too much to drink. You're just too skinny.”
John Candy - Freddie Bauer

“- Highway Patrolman: Ah, Americans. Welcome to Ontario, sportsman's paradise!
- Sheriff Bud Boomer: Isn't it though.”
Dan Aykroyd - Highway Patrolman
John Candy - Sheriff Bud Boomer

“- Buck Russell: How many times a day does the dog eat?
- Cindy Russell: How many times do you think?
- Buck Russell: I don't know, four or five.
- Cindy Russell: He eats once a day.”
John Candy - Buck Russell
Elaine Bromka - Cindy Russell

“- Kate Craig: Ahh! [Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom]
- Roman: What?
- Kate Craig: It touched me!
- Roman: It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak!
- Kate Craig: Not you! A thing.
- Roman: What thing?
- Chet: [Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the family, and turns on the lights] What's going on?
- Kate Craig:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Annette Bening - Kate Craig
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig
John Candy - Chet Ripley

“- Montgomery Brewster: Why is it when there's trouble we're the ones that get into it. I mean, there's a bar full of people and we're the only ones in jail.
- Spike Nolan: I don't think it's racial you know, because I'm in here with you.
- Montgomery Brewster: That's comforting.”
Richard Pryor - Montgomery Brewster
John Candy - Spike Nolan

“Love... is not a big enough word. It's not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife.”
John Candy - Del Griffith

“- Fat Man: You get out of here fella. I'm trying to watch the Smurfs.
- Jack Chester: You're trying to watch the Smurfs?
- Fat Man: Yeah.
- Jack Chester: Did you see the one where Papa Smurf took a crutch and smashed the shit out of a guy with a red hat? Did you see that one? You want to see that one?”
John Candy - Jack Chester
Roger Perkovich - Fat Man

“- Chet: Have you seen my ass lately?
- Connie: No, not recently.
- Chet: Well, I'll be picking splinters out of it from now until the day I die.”

John Candy - Chet Ripley
Stephanie Faracy - Connie Ripley

“- Danny Muldoon: I guess you didn't hurt cousin Jerry when you called his German wife a Nazi who probably slept with Hitler.
- Rose Muldoon: Well, there's no proof that she didn't.”
John Candy - Danny Muldoon
Maureen O'Hara - Rose Muldoon

“- Neal Page: What do you think the temperature is?
- Del Griffith: One.”

Steve Martin - Neal Page
John Candy - Del Griffith

“- Del Griffith: You're in a pretty lousy mood, huh?
- Neal Page: To say the least.
- Del Griffith: You ever travel by bus before?
[Neal Page shakes his head]
- Del Griffith: Hmm. Your mood's probably not going to improve much.”
John Candy - Del Griffith
Steve Martin - Neal Page

“- Roman: I tell you what I see when I look out there. I see the undeveloped resources of Minnesota, Northern Wisconsin, and Michigan. I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over a billion and a half dollars in forest products. I see a paper mill and if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation. A greenbelt between the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig
John Candy - Chet Ripley

“- Sheriff Bud Boomer: There it is, men. Toronto.
- Roy Boy: It's beautiful. Like no other city I've ever seen. It's like Albany. Only cleaner.”
John Candy - Sheriff Bud Boomer
Kevin J. O'Connor - Roy Boy

“It buzzed me. We need a plan. It's a lot bigger than I thought... it's about a two pounder.”

John Candy - Chet Ripley

“Here's where we separate the men from the boys.”

John Candy - Buck Russell