Leslie William Nielsen movie quotes

“Who are you and how did you get in here?' 'I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith'.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.”
Leslie William Nielsen

- Lt. Frank Drebin: You're Rocco's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch".
- Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Anna Nicole Smith - Tanya

“- Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?”
Jacqueline Brookes - Commissioner Brumford
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“I played a lot of leaders, autocratic sorts; perhaps it was my Canadian accent.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“- Commander Adams: Whatever you know in here, your other self knows out there.
- Dr. Morbius: I'm not a monster, you...
- Commander Adams: We're all part monsters in our subconscious, so we have laws and religion!”
Leslie William Nielsen - Commander Adams
Walter Pidgeon - Dr. Morbius

“- Commander Adams: Nice climate you have here. High oxygen content.
- Robby the Robot: I seldom use it myself, sir. It promotes rust.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Commander Adams
Robby the Robot - Himself

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
- Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“It's true what they say: cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“I usually specialize in stuff you can wrap.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Santa

“- Cass Lake: You see, I think she's my sister.
- Ryan Harrison: Sister?
- Cass Lake: It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.”
Melinda McGraw - Cass Lake
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Dr. Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
- Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
- Dr. Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Dr. Rumack
Julie Hagerty - Elaine Dickinson

“The reason they call it 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.”
Leslie William Nielsen On Laurence Olivier

“I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.”
Leslie William Nielsen

“- Quentin Hapsburg: I don't recall your name on the guest list.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: That's ok. I sometimes go by my maiden name.”
Robert Goulet - Quentin Hapsburg
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Jane Spencer: I feel like such a fool. I should have never doubted you.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: There, there. You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious, murdering sociopath.”
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
- Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
- Jane Spencer: How was your prostate operation?
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, good. Fine. Never been better.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Priscilla Presley - Jane Spencer

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
- Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we've got to get inside.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Lt. Frank Drebin: Gimme the strongest thing you got.... On second thought, how about a black Russian?
- Waiter: Very well sir.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
Tom McGreevey - Waiter

“Look, baby. I am what I am, and I do what I do. A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I'm a cop!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Commissioner Brumford: Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce a most special American. Tonight, he is being honoured for his 1000th drug-dealer killed.
- Lt. Frank Drebin: Thank you. But, in all honesty, the last three I backed over with my car. Luckily, they turned out to be drug-dealers.”
Jacqueline Brookes - Commissioner Brumford
Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin