Michael Keaton movie quotes

“Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a hell. Okay? A living hell.”

Michael Keaton - Betelgeuse

“- Annette: Hello, Jack? I'm Annette.
- Jack Butler: Hi.
- Annette: You're doing it wrong.”
Miriam Flynn - Annette
Michael Keaton - Jack Butler

“- Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
- Betelgeuse: Oh geez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision isn't it? I mean, I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it.”
Tony Cox - Preacher
Michael Keaton - Betelgeuse

“- Peter McCabe: What do you have to offer me, Frank?
- Frank Conner: Redemption.
- Peter McCabe: If I can't eat it, drink it, fuck it or fire it, I ain't interested!”
Michael Keaton - Peter McCabe
Andy Garcia - Frank Conner

“- Jack Butler: My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.
- Caroline: Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?
- Jack Butler: Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something...” (continue)(continue reading)
Michael Keaton - Jack
Teri Garr - Caroline

“Wanna know why I carry this tape recorder? To tape things. See, I'm an idea man, Chuck. I get ideas coming at me all day. I can't control 'em. I can't even fight 'em if I want to. You know, ah! So I say 'em in here, and that way I never forget 'em.”
Michael Keaton - Bill Blazejowski

“Dying's a really hard way to learn about life.”
Michael Keaton - Bob Jones

“Idea to eliminate garbage: edible paper. You see, you eat it, it's gone. Eat it, it's out of there!”
Michael Keaton - Bill Blazejowski

“- Selina Kyle: It's gonna be a hot time on the cold town tonight.
- Bruce Wayne: You've got kind of a... kind of a dark side, don't you?
- Selina Kyle: No darker than yours, Bruce.”
Michelle Pfeiffer - Selina Kyle
Michael Keaton - Bruce Wayne

“- Johnny Dangerously: Whatcha cookin' here ma?
- Ma Kelly: Beer.
- Johnny Dangerously: With noodles! Great idea!”

Michael Keaton - Johnny Dangerously
Maureen Stapleton - Ma Kelly

“- Batman: What do you want?
- The Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask.”
Michael Keaton - Batman
Danny DeVito - Penguin

“Ya?... Hi Joan. How are you doin?... Ahh, it's gotta be Kevin's... Victor? How could it be Victor's? Thought he got a vasectomy... It didn't take?”

Michael Keaton - Jack

“Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.”
Michael Keaton - Johnny Dangerously

“- Caesar: My name is Caesar. Mr. Nivens asked me to stop you. I must request you not move.
- Billy Caufield: Put that thing away, you hold it like a goddamn doorman.
- Caesar: I am the doorman.
- Billy Caufield: Then get us a cab.”

Robert Weil - Caesar
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“- Bill Blazejowski: You tellin' me to shut up?
- Chuck Lumley: I'm telling you to shut up! I will tell your recorder so that you don't forget! [picks up tape recorder and turns it on] Hello, this is Chuck to remind Bill to shut up!”
Michael Keaton - Bill Blazejowski
Henry Winkler - Chuck Lumley

“- Henry Sikorsky: Hey guys, time for a hug?
- Jack McDermott: I don't think so.
- Billy Caufield: Maybe after the game.”
Chris Lloyd - Henry Sikorsky
Peter Boyle - Jack McDermott
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“We came to town to see a ball game, and now they wanna give us the chair. I love New York. Bring your kids. Have them arrested. Do some time in the Big Apple.”
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“- Henry Hackett: What if these aren't the guys? What if they're innocent?
- Alicia Clark: Taint them today, we make them look good on Saturday. Everybody's happy.
- Henry Hackett: Wait. This is a story that could permanently alter the public's perception of two teenagers who might be innocent and as a weekend bonus, ignite another race war. How...” (continue)(continue reading)
Michael Keaton - Henry Hackett
Glenn Close - Alicia Clark

“- Vicki Vale: A lot of people think you're as dangerous as the Joker.
- Batman: He's psychotic.
- Vicki Vale: Some people say the same thing about you.
- Batman: What people?
- Vicki Vale: Well, I mean, let's face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
- Batman: It's not exactly a normal world, is it?”
Kim Basinger - Vicki Vale
Michael Keaton - Batman

“- Gianelli: I'm a police officer. Drop the gun!
- Billy Caufield: I'm a mental patient. I'm not impressed.
- Gianelli: You're not this crazy, are you?
- Billy Caufield: Actually, this is my idea of a good time.”
James Remar - Gianelli
Michael Keaton - Billy Caufield

“My mother's life had been damaged by a lie, and my brother was forever lost in a maze of illusions that lie had created... and I had followed him there. Jacey would never find his way out, but I had to... and the only way I could do that was to forgive, but I could never forget.”
Michael Keaton - Narrator

“- Bernie White: What about something fun? Don't we have anything fun today?
- Henry Hackett: Nazis marching in New Jersey.
- Lou: There you go.
- Bernie White: Nazis are a barrel of laughs.”
Robert Duvall - Bernie White
Michael Keaton - Henry Hackett
Geoffrey Owens - Lou

“- Bruce Wayne: I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
- Joker: I like him already.”
Michael Keaton - Bruce Wayne
Jack Nicholson - Joker

“- Bernie White: You got a cop quote?
- Henry Hackett: A what?
- Bernie White: Quote. You know, they talk, you write, we print?”
Robert Duvall - Bernie White
Michael Keaton - Henry Hackett

- Batman: You killed my parents.
- Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
- Batman: I made you, you made me first.
- Joker: Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me". I mean, how childish can you get?
Michael Keaton - Batman
Jack Nicholson - Joker