Deceit quotes

“The only thing better than blowing up 100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.”

Samuel L. Jackson - John McClane

“It's an interesting setup, Mr. Ross. It is the oldest confidence game on the books. The Spanish Prisoner. Fellow says him and his sister, wealthy refugees, left a fortune in the home country. He got out, girl and the money stuck in Spain. Here is her most beautiful portrait. And he needs money to get her and the fortune out. Man who supplies the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ed O'Neill - FBI Team Leader

“I've heard they're a different race... Jews. You and I take Communion. They don't even believe in sin. They'll betray you, just like they betrayed Jesus H. Christ Himself.”

Sir Michael Gambon - Don Faranzano

“You can't bluff someone who's not paying attention.”
Joe Mantegna - Mike

“- Clementine Kruczynski: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
- Joel Barish: I'm not a stalker. You're the one that talked to me, remember?
- Clementine Kruczynski: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.”
Kate Winslet - Clementine Kruczynski
Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Emily Bergman: Well, I got pretty good when I skipped school but it's been a while.
- Barry Bergman: Forgery's like riding a bicycle, you never forget how... I've heard.”
Julianne Nicholson - Emily Bergman
Tom Cavanagh - Barry Bergman

“- David: How are those maggots?
- Michael Emerson: Huh?
- David: Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?”
Kiefer Sutherland - David
Jason Patric - Michael

“The human heart is still subject to monstrous deceits.”
Marlon Brando - Jor-El

“That guy's a conman. I've seen people like him all my life. I mean he's gonna take a sport that we both love, that we die for and destroy it.”
Sasha Mitchell - David Sloan

“- Peggy Schuyler: By the way, I never liked your dog. And I think jazz is stupid! And I faked all of those orgasms. Ah! Ah! Oh! Yes! Sound familiar?
- Roger Cobb: Yeah? Well I faked mine too!”
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Peggy Schuyler
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“Now, understand, Commander, that torpedo did not self-destruct. You heard it hit the hull. And I... was never here.”
James Earl Jones - Admiral Greer

“- Sarah: You have to go back and return some of the money.
- Hank: What?
- Sarah: A lot. Like 500,000. You see, that way when they find the plane they'll assume nobody's been there yet. It'll put us beyond suspicion. No one could walk away from that much money...”
Bridget Fonda - Sarah
Bill Paxton - Hank

“You shouldn't treat me like a dog! You were just amusing yourself. I've never come like that to a gentleman before. You said 'Call me Maurice' but you never even wrote to me. You made a fool of me and I can make you sorry for that!”

Rupert Graves - Alec Scudder

“For someone I've never slept with you sure fucked me pretty good.”

Charlie Sheen - Richard "Ditch" Brodie

“Kaufman send you to kill me? Takes a true friend to stab you right in the front, doesn't it?”

John Leguizamo - Cholo

“If you take this money and you don't deliver, or you try to fuck me in some kind of weird cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people and chop you up into little fucking dog treats. You got a problem with that?”
Bruce Willis - Mr. Church

“- Frankie Lombardo: Sal is not dissapointed because he cares about the money. He's disappointed because you two aren't dead! What do think he was paying Smith fifty grand for?
- Louis Booker: You mean to tell me that traveled halfway across the world to pay for our own execution?
- Frankie Lombardo: Yeah. You two were the bag men for your own...” (continue)(continue reading)
Michael Shannon - Frankie Lombardo
Anthony Anderson - Louis Booker

“- Vicomte de Valmont: Be careful of the Marquise de Merteuil.
- Chevalier Danceny: You must permit me to treat with skepticism anything you have to say about her.
- Vicomte de Valmont: Nevertheless, I must tell you in this affair, we are both her creatures, as I believe her letters to me will prove. When you have read them, you may decide to...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Malkovich - Vicomte de Valmont
Keanu Reeves - Chevalier Danceny

“This whole damn system works on a bluff, you know that. Once it's blown, we go back to a constitutional government. And you'll be selling shoes.”

James Ray - Commissioner

“Big chief speak with forked tongue.”
Peter Sellers - Hrundi V. Bakshi

“There are a lot of things in my life that I thought were real and ended up being fake. Why can't the opposite be true?”
Blake Lively - Monica Moreland

“- Fred Flintstone: I'm ignoring you right now.
- Wilma Slaghoople: What did you say?
- Fred Flintstone: I said, I'm adoring you right now.
- Wilma Slaghoople: Oh Fred. That's so sweet.”
Mark Addy - Fred Flintstone
Kristen Johnston - Wilma Slaghoople

“Good or bad, it's all playacting. If you act well, you can fool other people; if you do it badly, you can only fool yourself, and when you can't even fool yourself, you just can fool the ghosts.”
Saifei He - Meishan (Third Wife)

“He's dicking us around. A mile of dick and no balls.”
Ted Levine - Sam Nico

“I drink a quart a day. It's vodka so you couldn't smell it.”
Meg Ryan - Alice Green