Funeral quotes

“Did you ever catch George Jessel at a funeral? It's wonderful. All through the years he makes notes on his friends. He wants to be ready.”
Eddie Cantor On George Jessel

- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: I just want to talk about something I always remembered.
- Beth Jarrett: Why do you want to remind me?
- Calvin "Cal" Jarrett: Because I've always wondered, in some needling way, what it mattered what I wore. I was crazy that day. We were going to our son's funeral and you were worried about what I wore on my feet. I'm... (continue)(continue reading)
Donald Sutherland - Calvin
Mary Tyler Moore - Beth

“They're not going to allow any men. A man killed her! They're very upset!”

John Lithgow - Roberta Muldoon

You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?"
Jeremy Piven - Dean Kansky

“Dust to dust, ash to ash. Let's take him downstairs and burn his ass.”

Isaac Hayes - Aloysius

“This is some pretty surreal shit, being at your own funeral.”
Samuel L. Jackson - Augustus Gibbons

“Like that song? I wrote that for you. I'm gonna sing it at your funeral.”

Mark Collie - Harry Heck

“Elton John wishes to sing at the funeral. Should be a first for Westminster Abbey.”

James Cromwell - Prince Philip

“Did you know when a crew member dies on an antarctic expedition, they always have a burial no matter where they are.”
Keir Gilchrist - Sam Gardner

“Funerals are important rituals. They're not only recognition that a person has died; they're recognition that a person has lived.”
Aaron Eckhart - Burke

“You know why so many people came to my funeral? They wanted to make sure I was dead.”
Larry Tucker - Pagliacci

“- Jennifer Rogers: I've never been to a home-made funeral before.
- Capt. Wiles: I have... it's my third. All in one day...”
Shirley MacLaine - Jennifer Rogers
Edmund Gwenn - Capt. Albert Wiles

“The funeral was tolerable. No one wept or grew hysterical.”
Georg Årlin - Fredrik

“- Sherlock Holmes: The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.
- Inspector Lestrade: In a coffin?
- Sherlock Holmes: That is the customary method, I believe.”
Basil Rathbone - Sherlock Holmes
Dennis Hoey - Inspector Lestrade

“- Beth Raymond: Hey. How was it?
- Leann Cole: It was a funeral. It sucked.”
Shannyn Sossamon - Beth Raymond

“- Bobby Pellitt: You're three hours late. What's the deal?
- Kurt Buckman: I was at your father's funeral.
- Bobby Pellitt: Uh huh. Well, maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.”
Colin Farrell - Bobby Pellit
Jason Sudeikis - Kurt Buckman

“Funerals, I've decided, are not for the dead. They are for the living.”
Shailene Woodley - Hazel

“What do you want me to do first, Hmm? Plan the funeral or pack the furniture?”

Peter Sarsgaard - Bobby Kennedy

“Come on. Let's pay our respects to the grieving widow before she falls flat on her face, drunk.”
Sir Sean Connery - Jessie

“The ground's too hard. If they wanted a decent funeral, they should have got themselves killed in summer.”

Jeff Bridges - Rooster Cogburn

“- Beau (as a child): That's what I want when my turn comes. I'd give anything to have a Viking's funeral... with a dog at my feet and 'last post' blown for me. If it weren't too much trouble.
- Digby (as a child): Beau, it isn't too much trouble. I'll give you one whenever you like.”

Donald O'Connor - Beau (as a child)
Martin Spellman - Digby (as a child)

“- Jacob Rixley: The funeral will be in Chicago and the Governor will be there.
- Mortician: Well, I'm sure it will cheer their souls just to hear you say that.”
James Whitmore Jr. - Mr. Jacob Rixley
John Bottoms - Mortician

“- Ford Fairlane: How much?
- Ticket Guy: 300.
- Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
- Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
- Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.”

Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane

“- Earl Rose: I deal with widows everyday! The remains will stay here.
- Roy Kellerman: I don't think so. The remains... What did you call it, your body? The hell with you, and the hell with your law.”
Rory Cochrane - Earl Rose
Tom Welling - Roy Kellerman

“- Lem Johns: Where are we putting the coffin?
- Col. James Swindal: I don't know. I never thought about it.
- Lem Johns: We're not flying it below like a piece of luggage.”
Rob Gallavan - Lem Johns
Drew Waters - Col. James Swindal