Joke quotes
78 joke quotes, film quotes, movie lines, taglines- From the animation: Soul
“-22: I just use this voice because it annoys people.
-Joe: It’s very effective.” - From the movie: The Two Popes
“- Pope Benedict: In 1978, we had three popes.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: Yeah, but they weren't at the same time.
- Pope Benedict: I was making a little joke.
- Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio: A joke?
- Pope Benedict: A German joke. It doesn't have to be funny.” - From the TV Series: Young Sheldon
“George Cooper Sr.-Never say never.
Sheldon Cooper-Why not? You just said it twice.” - From the TV Series: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
“You know, what do leprechauns and guys with big dicks have in common? They’re hard to find and incredibly lucky.”
- From the TV Series: Atypical
“Oh, you’re cool, bro. You’re as cool as a pickle in the freezer.”
- From the movie: Penguins of Madagascar
- From the movie: ParaNorman
“Norman Babcock-Is everyone alright? Nobody got bitten?
Neil-I bit my tongue, does that count?” - From the movie: The Darjeeling Limited
“Rita-What's wrong with you?
Jack-Let me think about that. I'll tell you the next time I see you.” - From the movie: The Darjeeling Limited
- From the TV Series: Two and a Half Men
“Alan Harper-Money doesn't just fall from the sky.
Charlie Harper-Obviously you've never been sitting ringside when a pole dancer hangs upside down.
” - From the TV Series: Two and a Half Men
“We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's lying on the ground.”
- From the TV Series: Two and a Half Men
- From the TV Series: That '70s Show
- From the TV Series: That '70s Show
“Eric Forman- Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?
Michael Kelso-A collector never stops collecting, Eric.” - From the TV Series: That '70s Show
“When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass.”
- From the movie: Belfast
“So the doctor says, 'Listen, John, I've got some bad news and worse.' And John says, 'Oh, no. What's the bad news?' And he goes, 'Well, you've only got 24 hours to live.' John says, 'That's, that's awful. What could be worse than that?' Doctor says, 'Well, I've been trying to get ahold of you since yesterday.'”
- From the movie: Belfast
“There's nothing wrong with an outside toilet, except on an aeroplane.”
- From the TV Series: 2 Broke Girls
“I have so much green under my fingernails, it looks like I had really good sex with Shrek.”
- From the TV Series: Glee
“I’m not interested in any labels unless it’s on something I shoplift.”
- From the TV Series: Glee
“Family is like fudge. It’s mostly sweet, but with a bunch of nuts.”
- From the TV Series: Veronica Mars
“So, my grandma Reynolds was always saying 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.' I wish she was still alive, because I'd really like to ask her what she suggests for when life gives you Chlamydia.”
- From the animation: Lightyear
- From the movie: Just Like Heaven
“Elizabeth-So, we have an address, a dry cleaning ticket and a book of matches. You know what that means?
David-We could start a very small fire?” - From the movie: Just Like Heaven
“Oh, God, David, the felonies just keep pilin' up!”
- From the movie: Black Widow
“Yelena Belova-Ah, Natasha, can we throw him out the window now?
Natasha Romanoff-I think we should wait till we get to a higher altitude.”
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