Lawyers quotes

“The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.”
David Burke - Dick the Butcher

“What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker? A hooker'll stop screwing you when you're dead.”
Matt Damon - Rudy Baylor

“- Valerie McCabe: Every adult citizen of Morlaw is a lawyer, so everybody sues everybody else. It doesn't matter if there's a cause. It's how we ensure that everyone makes a living of their profession.
- Neal Oliver: Yeah, but that's insane.
- Valerie McCabe: I could sue you for that. You just made a defamatory remark about this town. Hey, are...” (continue)(continue reading)
Deborah Odell - Valerie McCabe
James Marsden - Neal Oliver

“- Neal Oliver: Okay, so if everyone who lives here is a lawyer, how do you live? I mean, who runs the grocery store? Who does your dry-cleaning? Who fixes the shitter when it breaks?
- Valerie McCabe: Well, we all moonlight on the law-related jobs. You know, police, bailiffs, court reporters. But those other, trivial things you mentioned?...” (continue)(continue reading)
James Marsden - Neal Oliver
Deborah Odell - Valerie McCabe

“- Mattie Ross: Do you need a good lawyer?
- Ned Pepper: I need a good judge!”
Kim Darby - Mattie Ross
Robert Duvall - Ned Pepper

“Oh, you know, the usual. Defending the rights of my broken hearted clients and try to squeeze every single penny out of their miserable cheating spouses.”
Christina Applegate - Courtney Rockcliffe

Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of "That's mine, this is yours".
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- U.S. Reporter: Hey champ how come you don't use a trainer anymore?
- Eric Sloane: I got my kid brother in my corner for now. He says he's gonna be a vet, I say he's gonna be a lawyer, or I’m gonna kick his butt!”
Mark DiSalle - U.S. Reporter
Dennis Alexio - Eric Sloane

“- Colonel Robert Moore: Wouldn't it behoove me to retain the services of an attorney? I know a good one.
- Brenner: Two problems there. First the obvious. There are no good ones. Second... you're not a civilian, Colonel, you're in the army. You have no rights to an attorney. You have no right to remain silent. And if you don't cooperate, I may...” (continue)(continue reading)

James Woods - Colonel Moore
John Travolta - Paul Brenner

“You're not shy. You're a lawyer.”
Maggie Gyllenhaal - Lee Holloway

“I could have been a lawyer, but I just had too much heart.”
Kevin Clash - Bad Polly

“You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm.”
Al Pacino - Tony Montana

“- Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.
- Dr. Raymond Stantz: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.”

Rick Moranis - Louis Tully
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Raymond Stantz

“Yo Shaft, I'm gonna put so many lawyers in your ass, you're gonna think they opened a branch office up there.”
Jeffrey Wright - Peoples Hernandez

“Wouldn't it be funny if I went to Harvard, you went to Jail and we both ended up surrounded by crooks?”
Tom Cruise - Mitch McDeere

“- Jack Moore: Why are you doing this?
- Shen Yuelin: I am doing this because I do not wish to be silent any more.”

Richard Tiffany Gere - Jack Moore
Bai Ling - Shen Yuelin

“Everyone thinks that you are guilty. Even the mailman is looking at you a little funny. There's only one person who can help you. There's only one person who you can trust, your lawyer.”

Ron Silver - Alan Dershowitz

“Regardless of what you may think of me, I did defend that boy to the very best of my abilities. And, boy, has it cost me. Hell, I lost half of my business from defending that son-of-a-bitch. And he got the chair. You have any idea what my life would be like if I had gotten him acquitted?”

Ned Beatty - McNair

“Look, I know you're a smart lawyer - very smart - but don't get smart with me.”

James Cagney - Rocky Sullivan

“When those lawyers start crawling all over you, that's when you know you're a doctor.”
Albert Brooks - Dr. Butz

“- Prince Nasir Al-Subaai: What are they thinking, my brother and these American lawyers?
- Bryan Woodman: What are they thinking? They're thinking that it's running out. It's running out... and ninety percent of what's left is in the Middle East. This is a fight to the death.”

Alexander Siddig - Prince Nasir Al-Subaai
Matt Damon - Bryan Woodman

“- Lawyer: Tell us what you know, I said! Never mind what you think!
- Mr. Hemingway: Excuse me, boss. I ain't no lawyer. I can't talk without thinkin'.”
Fred 'Snowflake' Toones - Mr. Hemingway

“What about a wig? They're lawyers, aren't they? Lawyers love wigs.”
Sally Phillips - Shazza

“America is a war and you are on the other side. How's a black man ever going to get a fair trial with the enemy on the bench and in the jury box? My life in white hands? You Jake, that's how. You are my secret weapon because you are one of the bad guys.”

Samuel L. Jackson - Carl Lee Hailey

“I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school!”
Groucho Marx - Rufus T. Firefly