Medicine quotes

“I'll tell you my approach to medicine! It is a game in which man pits his brains against the forces of destruction and disease.”

Claude Rains - Dr. Alexander Tower

“- Sam: [holding a pill] Dewey, get out of here. You don't want no part of this shit.
- Dewey Cox: What is it?
- Sam: It's medication for erectile dysfunction, it gives you a boner! Not to be used if you have a pre-existing heart condition. If boners last more than four hours, call more ladies.”

Tim Meadows - Sam
John C. Reilly - Dewey Cox

“By the second day of incubation, any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies, like rats leaving a sinking ship; then the ship... sinks.”

Joe Turkel - Dr. Eldon Tyrell

“- Nancy Thompson: I don't see why you can't just give me a pill to keep me from dreaming.
- Dr. King: Everybody's got to dream, young girl. If you don't dream...you go.”
Heather Langenkamp - Nancy Thompson
Charles Fleischer - Dr. King

“- Worm pill scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
- Don Roritor: Uh, right, and what's positive about that?
- Worm pill scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.”
Bruce McCulloch - Worm pill scientist
Mark McKinney - Don Roritor

“I have to do this or he'll die. It's ok, I've seen it done once.”

Renee Zellweger - Betty Sizemore

“- Jacques: Last request! I have a last request!
- Citizen Official - The French Revolution: What is your last request?
- Jacques: Novocaine!
[the Official confers with the Executioner]
- Citizen Official - The French Revolution: There is no such thing known to medical science!
- Jacques: I'll wait!”

Mel Brooks - Jacques
Nigel Hawthorne - Citizen Official - The French Revolution

“- Judge Francis J. Quinncannon: Don't you believe in medicine, Doctor?
- Dr. Edward G. Armstrong: Do you believe in justice, Judge?”
Barry Fitzgerald - Judge Francis J. Quincannon
Walter Huston - Dr. Edward G. Armstrong

“- Val: how's your health?
- Hirsch: Well, they took something out of me a couple of months ago.
- Val: What'd they take out?
- Hirsch: I don't know. I didn't ask, it's none of my business. But I'm a little more streamlined now, a little more aerodynamic.”
Al Pacino - Val
Alan Arkin - Hirsch

“- Shaun: Listen to me, I need Bob's pain pills!
- Lance: Bob doesn't have any pain pills.
- Shaun: Yes he does!
- Lance: Not anymore, I sold them.”
Colin Hanks - Shaun Brumder
Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“- Dr. Rae Crane: Wait a minute. I don't understand.
- Dr. Robert Campbell: What don't you understand? I found the cure for the fucking plague of the twentieth century and now I've lost it. Haven't you ever lost anything doctor Bronx? Your purse? Your car keys? Well, it's rather like that: Now you have it and now you don't.”
Lorraine Bracco - Dr. Rae Crane
Sir Sean Connery - Dr. Robert Campbell

“Anybody have a Valium?”

Burt Reynolds - Phil Potter

“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
Spike Milligan

“What would you prescribe for a patient about to die of galloping boredom?”
Myrna Loy - Lady Edwina Esketh

“- Birthing Teacher: Quick question before we start, how many of you are planning on doing natural child birth? [everyone raises hand except Angie and Kate] That's a good show of hands! That's so great, you're all so brave! And how many of you are planning on using toxic western medications to drug your baby for your own selfish comfort,...” (continue)(continue reading)

Siobhan Fallon - Birthing Teacher
Amy Poehler - Angie

“- Brad Crane: I have cardio-pep in my van.
- Captain Helena Anderson: Cardio-pep? I've just read an article in the medical journal about Cardio-pep! By some scientist named... Crane, I think.”
Sir Michael Caine - Brad Crane
Katharine Ross - Captain Helena Anderson

“- James: Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid.
- Mollie: You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots!”
John Travolta - James
Kirstie Alley - Mollie

“- Dr. Herbert A. Morrison: Would you like a cup of coffee?
- Claudia Draper: Not unless there's Thorazine in it.
- Dr. Herbert A. Morrison: Sorry, only milk and sugar.
- Claudia Draper: Pass.”
Eli Wallach - Dr. Herbert A. Morrison
Barbra Streisand - Claudia Draper

“- Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
- Osmosis Jones: Wow! I'm feeling better...” (continue)(continue reading)
David Hyde Pierce - Drix
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones

“Those travel sickness pills mustn't be working. I still feel sick and I've taken four already. And I've only travelled up and down the stairs.”
Pauline Collins - Shirley Valentine

“I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!”
Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz

“Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps

“History is full of very sick people, who suddenly, for no reason at all, get better. And when that happens we call it a miracle. From the moment I met you I knew you were special, and that you might be one of those people. You know I'm tellin' you the truth, don'tcha? You can feel that inside ye, can'tcha? So don't let me down, okay? I'm...” (continue)(continue reading)
Bruce Davison - Dr. Stevens

“- Sally Hyde: You like tiger balm? It makes you feel real cool. I'll put some on your back.
- Capt. Bob Hyde: Is that the way you massage the basket cases at the hospital?”
Jane Seymour Fonda - Sally Hyde
Bruce Dern - Capt. Bob Hyde

“- Joe Gurney: Hey, did you hear that, Slick? I'm a moronic type.
- Slick: Yeah? Hey, what's that?
- Joe Gurney: I don't know. Some type of medical name, ain't it doc?”
Humphrey Bogart - Joe Gurney
Charley Foy - Slick