Medicine quotes

“Germs make you sick. That is why we give medicine to help kill you.”

Rita Wilson - Beth Wexler

“- Osmosis Jones: Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!
- Drix: I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.
- Osmosis Jones: Excuse me?
- Drix: I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.
- Osmosis Jones: You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

“- Stan Bobcruz: Do the pattern breathing, come on.
- Darcy Elliot Bobrucz: Screw the pattern breathing, I want a painkiller!”

Randall Batinkoff - Stan Bobrucz
Molly Ringwald - Darcy Elliot Bobrucz

“- Raychel: What are you on?
- Meg Kennedy: What am I on? It's just two glasses of wine and a couple of valium. You want some?
- Raychel: Valium? Who the fuck takes valium anymore?”
Mariah Carey - Raychel
Mira Sorvino - Meg Kennedy

“- Molly Jennings: I'm sure you knew exactly what you were doing when you took Margaret off those pills.
- Ross Jennings: Like I knew what I was doing when I chose this town... with the country doctor from hell!”
Harley Jane Kozak - Molly Jennings
Jeff Daniels - Ross Jennings

“- Brennan Huff: I did start taking baby aspirin. To reduce my risk for heart attack.
- Dale Doback: That makes sense. You gotta keep an eye on it.”
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Pepi Katona: I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?
- Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.
- Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?”

William Tracy - Pepi Katona
Edwin Maxwell - Doctor

“She became his responsibility, and he betrayed that responsibility by persuading her to abandon her medical treatment in favor of religious treatment: a ritual exorcism performed by the defendant, allegedly to cure the victim by ridding her of demonic forces. We will demonstrate that this course of action directly resulted in the victim's death.”

Campbell Scott - Ethan Thomas

“Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!”
Thomas Haden Church - Jack

“Viagra don't work for me. I've been taking 'em like M&Ms.”
Eddie Murphy - Papa Klump

“- Dr. Kosevich: You want Anastasia? Drugs, yes? Okay, valium.
- Samuel Faulkner: Valium is no good for her.
- Dr. Kosevich: No, for me.”

Robin Williams - Dr. Kosevich
Hugh Grant - Samuel Faulkner

- Dr. Robert Campbell: I gave Alka-Seltzer to a kid with a belly ache.
- Dr. Rae Crane: You did what?
- Dr. Robert Campbell: Alka-Seltzer. Cured him in one belch. It was the "plop-plop-fizz-fizz" that really dazzled them.
Sir Sean Connery - Dr. Robert Campbell
Lorraine Bracco - Dr. Rae Crane

“Valium, prozac, and ritalin. Breakfast of champions.”
Christopher Lambert - Lou

“About twenty years ago there was this guy. He noticed some mold growing on his bread and he started feeding it to people. Everybody said he was stupid. You know what it turned out to be? Aspirin!”
Brad Renfro - Erik

“I feed them the whole pharmacy. Heartburn, ulcers, blood pressure. They're immune to everything now. The oldest living Confederates in America.”

Nina Foch - Alice Baring

“Swanney taught us to adore and respect the national health service. For it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives.”
Ewan McGregor - Mark Renton

“Lovey, you're giving your mother a migraine. Diet pills. Sleeping pills. Diuretics. Quaaludes. Valium! There you are.”

Beverly Garland - Lillian Barkley

“I remember when I was a kid, there were two medicines: aspirin and Campho-Phenique, that was it. They advertise these prescriptions, and half the time, the side effects are 50 times worse than what the thing cures!”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“- Ophelia: You're supposed to be taking your medication! Your father says please give him his pills!
- Lloyd: I haven't had a pill since we left the house, haven't wheezed once.”
Martha Gehman - Ophelia
Keith Gordon - Lloyd

“- Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink?
- Miles: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
- Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax?
- Miles: And Lexapro, yes.
- Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.”
Thomas Haden Church - Jack
Paul Giamatti - Miles

“I wish they'd teach more about litigation in medical school.”
Colm Feore - Richard Wilson

“- Thurman Rice: There's a cure for syphilis... and it's called abstinence.
- Alfred Kinsey: Penicillin works just as well!”
Tim Curry - Thurman Rice
Liam Neeson - Alfred Kinsey

“- Floyd Pepper: What else do these pills make big?
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: They'll work on anything, but the effect is, sadly, temporary.
- Beaker: Sadly temporary.”

Jerry Nelson - Floyd Pepper
Dave Goelz - Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
Richard Hunt - Beaker

“- Dr. Werner Ernst: If you were comatose would you want to be kept alive for months by machines?
- Dr. Butz: Hell, no! When I go, I don't want to be tortured in some bed. I have this planned out, Warner. I'm gonna be sitting on my back porch, I'm gonna have a Cuban cigar in one hand, and a big glass 'o scotch in the other, and a belly full of...” (continue)(continue reading)
James Spader - Dr. Werner Ernst
Albert Brooks - Dr. Butz

“Medical books aren't written about losers!”
Laurence Fishburne - Thrax