Mocking quotes

“- King: So they're blaming me, huh?
- Valet: For everything. They're even telling jokes about Your Majesty.
- King: Are they funny?
- Valet: No.”
George Barbier - King
Donald Meek - Valet

- Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade: How's your skin, son? I like my aides to be presentable.
- Charlie Simms: Well, I... I've had a few zits. Um, but my roommate, he lent me his Clinique because he's from...
- Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade: "The History of My Skin", by Charles Simms.
Al Pacino - Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade
Chris O'Donnell - Charlie Simms

“Okay, once upon a time, there was a very strange little girl named Monica. Her face was very, very white and her clothes were very, very black. Now Monica was so weird that none of the other little girls would play with her, so she made her diary her constant companion.”
Tori Spelling - Stacy Lockwood

“- Cleopatra: Why should they laugh at you?
- Hans: Most big people do, they don't realize that I'm a man with the same feelings they have.”
Olga Baclanova - Cleopatra
Harry Earles - Hans

“What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

Amy Poehler - Leslie Knope

“- Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, looks like this one is suffering from shell shock!
- Donatello: Too derivative.
- Michaelangelo: Well, I guess we can really shell it out!
- Donatello: Too cliché.
- Michaelangelo: Well, it was a shell of a good hit!
- Donatello: I like it!”
Michelan Sisti - Michaelangelo
Leif Tilden - Donatello

“- Richard Lestrange: I could never live here with just you! I don't even like you! You never used to laugh at me! You never used to have secrets you wouldn't tell me!
- Emmeline Lestrange: Well, you're not so perfect either, Mr. Richard Lestrange. I've seen you playing with it, and I'll tell your father, if he ever gets here.”
Christopher Atkins - Richard Lestrange
Brooke Shields - Emmeline Lestrange

- Judy Hensler: Wow, Beaver. You really pulled up your grade. You got a "C".
- Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Really?
- Judy Hensler: Yeah! A "See me after class".
Brighton Hertford - Judy Hensler
Cameron Finley - Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver

“No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!”
Chip Zien - Howard T. Duck

“This is high school. Nothing is for real.”
Julian Morris - Owen

“- Colter Stevens: You seem concerned about the time. What are you late for?
- Max Denoff: I'm on my way to an asshole festival. I hear you're headlining.
- Colter Stevens: Oh, that's funny. What are you, a comedian?”
Jake Gyllenhaal - Colter Stevens
Russell Peters - Max Denoff

“- Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
- Derek: What?
- Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.”
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff
Adam Scott - Derek

“- Dr. Jaquith: I thought you came up here to have a nervous breakdown.
- Charlotte Vale: I've decided not to have one, if it's all the same to you.”
Claude Rains - Dr. Jaquith
Bette Davis - Charlotte Vale

- Billy Ray Pike: I'm not going to sit here and let no one call me a quitter. Or calling me crazy.
- Tyrone Washington: That' not what you got to worry about. What you got to worry about is your kid running around calling somebody else "daddy".
Andrew Stevens - Billy Ray Pike
Stan Shaw - Tyrone Washington

“- Fat Ass: You don't understand! I'm not supposed to be here!
- Inmates: Me neither! They run this place like a fucking prison!”

Frank Medrano - Fat Ass

“- Suzie Simmons: Hey you guys are stretching? I just finished doing that.
- Fred Simmons: You just get back from working out?
- Suzie Simmons: No, I just got back from church you fucking retard!”
Mary Jane Bostic - Suzie Simmon
Danny McBride - Fred Simmons

“They're making a mockery of my words, man. This whole thing is turning out to be a theatrical mockery.”
Mark Borchardt - Filmmaker

“- Meredith: I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want all this calculated artificiality. This dress, these stupid little bows in my hair, they aren't me. I mean, look at you. You... you don't sit around your house in an Armani suit, do you?
- Trent: No. My house is black-tie.”
Gillian Anderson - Meredith
Jon Stewart - Trent

“Horrible thing, to stand with your toes at the edge of the precipice. You can say anything you like, as long as you make it sound like it was a joke.”
Jim Broadbent - John Bayley

“- Claire Keesey: So what do you do for work?
- Doug MacRay: Boston Sanding Gravel, I break rocks. Punch the ticket at the end of the day, slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone, call it a night.”
Rebecca Hall - Claire Keesey
Ben Affleck - Doug MacRay

“- Martha Bellows: Gee, I- I'm so cute! I'll bet they put my picture on the front page.
- Scoop McPhail: I'll never forget the last time you had your picture on the front page. Your mouth was continued on page two.”
Martha Raye - Martha Bellows
Lynne Overman - Scoop McPhail

It's like a barber chair. And when they ask me "You got anything to say?" I'll say, "Sure, give me a haircut, a shave, and a massage, with one of those nice new electric massages".

James Cagney - Rocky Sullivan

“Don't bullshit a bullshitter.”
Roy Scheider - Joe Gideon

- Ramada Thompson: I'm recommending that you be grounded.
- Lt. Topper Harley: You've got to be joking!
- Ramada Thompson: Look, if I were joking, I would've said "what do you do with an elephant with three balls?".
[he shrugs, since he has no idea what the answer is]
- Ramada Thompson: "You walk him and pitch to the rhino".
- Lt. Topper Harley:... (continue)(continue reading)
Valeria Golino - Ramada Thompson
Charlie Sheen - Lt. Topper Harley

“Junior high must've been kind of tough, but it doesn't give you the right to treat your workers like horseshit, Janice.”
James McAvoy - Wesley