Old age quotes

“He used to brag to me how he got up every morning at five am to play racketball at 71 years old. You don't hear him bragging now.”

Kirk Douglas - Uncle Joe

“You drive like old people make love.”
Cher - Mrs. Flax

“- Kevin McCallister: No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid?
- Old Man Marley: You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.”
Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister
Roberts Blossom - Old Man Marley

“At my age, I need an hour in the bathroom in the morning! And there's always one of them skinny, titless mannequins in there fluffing up her hair.”
Christopher Plummer - Shitty

“This man is very old. You shouldn't make him work. He looks sad. Do you whip him? The day will come when you'll be free. Go to bed, little father.”

Greta Garbo - Nina Ivanovna Yakushova aka Ninotchka

- Lieutenant Colonel "The Bear" Berrineau: Bubba, when I was a cadet here, back before the beginning of time...
- Will McLean: Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth?
Robert Prosky - Col. 'Bear' Berrineau
David Keith - Will McLean

“- Kevin Myers: You're a hero.
- Steve Stifler: Pussy is pussy.”

Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin Myers
Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler

“- Vince: You've made an old man very happy!
- Edie: You're not so old.
- Vince: Yeah, I know, and I'm not so happy.”

Lloyd Bridges - Vince
Norma Aleandro - Edie

“- Matthew Stewart: Last time you were in London was five years ago for the Chelsea FlowerShow. You can't sell this stuff at a florist!
- Grace Trevethyn: What's your master plan then?
- Matthew Stewart: I was going to go to Portabello Road. With the greatest respect, I'm the young hip one. You're the hip replacement.”

Craig Ferguson - Matthew
Brenda Blethyn - Grace

“- Papa Klump: What I do in my bedroom is my business, you understand that?
- Granny Klump: The only thing you do in your bedroom is pull the lint off your scrotum!”
Eddie Murphy - Papa Klump
Eddie Murphy - Granny Klump

“Watching my parents renew their wedding vows is like watching ambulance drivers push the victims back into the wreck.”
Aden Young - Rick Dunne

“You asked me if I have scars? Yessir, I have my scars.”
Emilio Estevez - William H. 'Billy the Kid' Bonney

“- Eddie Sparks: You know...for an old broad, you're still pretty sexy.
- Dixie Leonard: How would you know?
- Eddie Sparks: I think I'm getting excited.
- Dixie Leonard: Let me know when you're sure.”
James Caan - Eddie Sparks
Bette Midler - Dixie Leonard

“- Kay Bentley: She's an old schoolmate of mine from grammar school.
- Michael Shayne: I haven't seen any old girls.
- Kay Bentley: She's not old - about my age.
- Michael Shayne: And still going to grammar school? She's a little mentally round-shouldered!”
Lynn Bari - Kay Bentley
Lloyd Nolan - Michael Shayne

“This is the crowning moment of my retired life and I’m not going to throw it away like the evening trash.”
Walter Matthau - Mr. George Wilson

“- Scott Calvin: You know, you look pretty good for your age.
- Elf-Judy: Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.”
Tim Allen - Scott Calvin
Paige Tamada - Elf-Judy

“I'm too young to be old and too old to be young.”
Kathy Bates - Evelyn Couch

“Donna's arrived. She'll be a hundred and thirty six next month and she still acts like a teenager.”
Charlotte Rae - Miss Cackle

“- Rat: What's the worst part about being old, Alvin?
- Alvin Straight: Well, the worst part of being old is rememberin' when you was young.”
Bill McCallum - Rat
Richard Farnsworth - Alvin

“It's tacky to wear diamonds before you're 40; and even that's risky … they only look good on the really old girls … wrinkles and bones, white hair and diamonds. I can't wait.”
Audrey Hepburn - Holly Golightly

“- Mike: So Mark, how you doin' old man?
- Mark: Fuck! I'm not old, motherfucker.
- Mike: Oh no, I just... no, I mean... you're older than anyone else here.
- Mark: It depends on how you look at it. I'm young in my heart! Younger then any of these assholes over there.”
Jason Segel - Mike
Til Schweiger - Mark

“- FBI Special Agent Big Johnson: Just like fuckin' Saigon, hey, Slick?
- FBI Agent Little Johnson: [smiling] I was in junior high, dickhead.”

Robert Davi - FBI Special Agent Big Johnson
Grand L. Bush - FBI Agent Little Johnson

“- Dr. Loomis: I feel great! I had surgery, plastic surgery. Skin grafts. It cost a fortune, but at least I don't frighten people anymore.
- Dr. Wynn: Well, don't tell me that the revered Rasputin of Smith's Grove has grown complacent in his old age! I won't believe that for a second.”
Donald Pleasence - Loomis
Mitchell Ryan - Dr. Wynn

“- Anthony: How's it going?
- Frank: How's it going?
- Anthony: Yeah, how do you feel?
- Frank: Well, my parents are dead. My wife is in an institution. My son has disappeared out west somewhere. I feel old and I feel swindled, that's how I feel.”
Keith Diamond - Anthony
George Martin - Frank

“- Finnegan: Like a fine wine, I'm aging gracefully, thank you.
- Mason: Like a fine wine my ass. You look more like a keg of beer to me.”
Treat Williams - John Finnegan
Clifton Powell - Mason