Telephone quotes

“Have you ever dialed 9-1-1? It's like trying to get a mortgage.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“What, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my pocket, do you?”
Keenan Wynn - Col. 'Bat' Guano

“Terri likes to talk to me during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel.”
Gary Sinise - Commander Kevin Dunne

“This is not even my desk! [hangs up]”

R. Lee Ermey - Police Captain

“Your cow is calling you.”

Paulina Porizkova - Dallas

“- Chuck: I don't know, I quit wearing a watch when I moved out here
- Peter Bretter: That is so cool.
- Chuck: My cell phone has a clock so I don't need it.
- Peter Bretter: Oh, so it's basically the same thing.”
Paul Rudd - Chuck
Jason Segel - Peter Bretter

“- Abby: Say something.
- Brian: I want to make love to you.
- Abby: Never on the first phone call.”

Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“- Deborah Clasky: So tell me again why I can't call him on his cell again?
- Evelyn: Besides that he turned it off?
- Deborah Clasky: Yeah.
- Evelyn: Forty messages starts to look needy.”
Téa Leoni - Deborah Clasky
Cloris Leachman - Evelyn

- Matt: Maybe it's one of those love numbers.
- Felix Bean: What? Like "I want to be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year"?
- Zach: Yeah, but these numbers are 213147.
- Felix Bean: Oh well, I guess she wants to be with you three days a week, 21 hours a day, 147 days a year.

Paul Soter - Matt
Steve Lemme - Felix Bean
Jay Chandrasekhar - Zach

“- Becky Feder: How long ago was the '80s?
- Keithie Feder: That was way back in the 1900s. We learned about it in school. It was wack. The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end. You had to watch commercials.
- Becky Feder: No way.”
Alexys Nycole Sanchez - Becky Feder
Cameron Boyce - Keithie Feder

“That is a device to summon food.”

Bruce Willis - RJ

- Sissy, Venetia: "Ling-Ling"?
- Venetia: Can somebody answer the phone?
- Sissy: Oh dang, that's messed up.

Tamera Mowry-Housley - Sissy
Tia Mowry-Hardrict - Venetia

“- Toby Hart: It's for you, Mom. It's Uncle Max.
- Penny Hart: Uncle Max. I don't believe it. Tell him that I'm, uh... Tell him that I'm not here.
- Toby Hart: She says to say she's not here.
- Max Devlin: Huh? Well, then you tell her it's somebody else. I have to talk to her.
- Toby Hart: He says to say he's someone else.”
Adam Rich - Toby Hart
Susan Anspach - Penny Hart
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“I swear, the phone companies'd go broke if it weren't for the Italians!”
Pia Miranda - Josie Alibrandi

“Uh, yeah, well, if she calls, just be gentle. You know, like, you're really happy to hear from her. Like you really miss her. Women love that shit.”
Stephen Tobolowsky - Max

“- Fausto Squiriniszu: Wait, I'm entitled to one phone call.
- Dennis: Surely, and you're more than welcome to make one, if we had a phone.”
Taylor Negron - Fausto Squiriniszu
John Candy - Dennis

“Looks like we've got Imperial cruisers on our tail. Oh, look at that one on the left. Get off your cell phone. You are driving.”
Seth MacFarlane - Peter Griffin as Han Solo

“- Jonathan Knox: Tell me something; What would you miss, beside telephones?
- Warren Stantin: Everything!”

Tom Berenger - Jonathan Knox
Sir Sidney Poitier - Warren Stantin

“- Caroline Baxter: Have you tried calling him on that cellular surveillance phone?
- Agent Summers: I've tried, but he's not picking up.
- Caroline Baxter: Well, I was thinking he's been abducted. Of course, it would be an odd choice.”

Lucinda Jenney - Caroline Baxter
Aunjanue Ellis - Agent Summers

“- Enid: Aren't you going to get that?
- Seymour: Let the machine get it. I have no desire to talk to anyone who might be calling me.”

Thora Birch - Enid
Steve Buscemi - Seymour

“- Edward Lewis: I told you not to pick up the phone.
- Vivian Ward: Then stop calling me.”
Richard Tiffany Gere - Edward Lewis
Julia Roberts - Vivian Ward

“The point of having a portable phone, idiot, is so that it works when you need it.”

Gina Philips - Trish

“Here I was, in the middle of an obscene phone call, and I thought of you.”
Elizabeth McGovern - Chloe Allen

“At the beep, please leave your name, number, and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma, and we'll get back to you”

Ethan Hawke - Troy Dyer

“- Susan: My psychiatrist thinks we should break up.
- Philip: What? I didn't know you were going to a psychiatrist.
- Susan: Well I'm not actually going to one. I've been dating one for four months.
- Philip: This is so sudden!
- Susan: I didn't want to tell you this over the phone, I really wanted to fax you. But you don't even have a fax!”
Joely Fisher - Susan
Steve Martin - Philip