Billy Crystal movie quotes

“- The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?
- Harry Block: No. That I never did.
- The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.”
Billy Crystal - The Devil
Woody Allen - Harry Block

“Either God is in the salvage business or Bigfoot took my car!”
Billy Crystal - Sam 'Sammy' Kamin

“- Abbie: I'm going to lean on you, and you just lean on me. Is this good for you?
- Lisa: This is great.
- Abbie: Look! We're a semicolon walking home!”
Billy Crystal - Abbie
JoBeth Williams - Lisa

“Hate makes you impotent, Love makes you crazy. Somewhere in the middle you can survive.”
Billy Crystal - Larry

“Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- Owen: Larry! I can't breathe!
- Larry: Yes! That's because I'm choking you!”
Danny DeVito - Owen
Billy Crystal - Larry

- Mitch: Eat you? What a lovely image. "Eat me!". Hey, Glen, I'm still hungry, is there any more Phil? Oooh, pass the Phil. Mmmmm, it's even good cold. Great party, thanks to Phil!
- Phil: Alright, so don't eat me!
- Duke: Jesus Christ, what a bunch of little piss pots.
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist
Jack Palance - Duke Washburn

“- Mike: Boo? What's Boo?
- Sulley: That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem?
- Mike: Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it.”
Billy Crystal - Mike
John Goodman - Sullivan

“- Jelly: Sorry, Doc. Nothing personal.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: Don't kid yourself, Jelly, it doesn't get more personal.”

Joe Viterelli - Jelly
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel

“- Danny Costanzo: Why weren't we on that track?
- Ray Hughes: Oh, now you're going to criticize my driving?
- Danny Costanzo: Well, it's just that you get to do all the dangerous stuff, and I get to parallel park.”
Billy Crystal - Danny Costanzo
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“- Anna: You can't be a kid your whole life, you're gonna have to grow up!
- Danny Costanzo: Why? I don't like grown-ups.”
Darlanne Fluegel - Anna Costanzo
Billy Crystal - Danny Costanzo

“- Mitch: It was on the kitchen table.
- Glen: Uhhh!
- Mitch: And an hour later we ate on that table!”

Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins

“One of these days I am really... gonna let you teach that guy a lesson.”

Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Mickey Gordon: When I come home, I'm excited to see you.
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: You're not excited, you're horny.
- Mickey Gordon: Is that bad? Is that such a bad thing?”

Billy Crystal - Mickey Gordon
Debra Winger - Ellen Andrews Gordon

“- Jack Lawrence: He was lying to me, but he made me feel good.
- Carrie Lawrence: What do you mean he lied to you?
- Jack Lawrence: Lied right to my face. Big-time lie.
- Carrie Lawrence: How do you know?
- Jack Lawrence: I'm a lawyer. People lie to me all the time.”
Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Carrie Lawrence

“- Sulley: What was that?
- Mike: I have no idea. But it would be a really good idea if it didn't do it again.”

John Goodman - Sullivan
Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Glen: Phil, when was the last time you were with a woman?
- Phil: Uh, Saturday... Saturday will be a year.
- Glen: Ow!
- Mitch: Gee, if I had known, I'd have gotten you a cake.”
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“- Johnny: Enjoy the attention while it lasts, boys. After you lose, no one will remember you.
- Mike: Maybe. But when you lose, no one will let you forget it.
- Chet: Oh, boy. That is a good point.”
Nathan Fillion - Johnny
Billy Crystal - Mike
Bobby Moynihan - Chet

“We're your fathers.”

Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence

“I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should just marry myself.”
Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Why do you have a girlfriend?
- Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?
- Paul Vitti: That's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Freud believed you're everyone in your dreams.
- Paul Vitti: Fuck Freud. After what you just told me, you know, I'm afraid to call my own mother on the phone!”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“- Dale Putley: $5,000 in cash. What is he doing with $5,000 in cash?
- Jack Lawrence: He stole it.
- Dale Putley: Why do you always jump to the worst possible conclusion?
- Jack Lawrence: Okay, he won it in a hair-whirl contest.”

Robin Williams - Dale Putley
Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence

“It's like Vegas. You're up, you're down, but in the end the house always wins. Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.”

Billy Crystal - The Devil

“- Phil: In case we don't make it and I die first... eat me.
- Mitch: Eat you? I don't even like talking to you on the phone.”
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins