Billy Crystal movie quotes

“- Ellen Andrews Gordon: If you ever use my car, make sure the mirror is back where I put it.
- Mickey Gordon: Ok, I can do that.
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: All right. Do you want to talk about religion, politics, whether you want to have kids or not.
- Mickey Gordon: Nah, that crap will work itself out, we are fine with the big issues.
- Ellen...” (continue)(continue reading)
Debra Winger - Ellen Andrews Gordon
Billy Crystal - Mickey Gordon

“- Jack Lawrence: This kid is a major pain in the ass, he's so damn annoying.
- Carrie: You don't like anything that's annoying.
- Jack Lawrence: Who does?”
Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Carrie Lawrence

“- Danny Costanzo: He's gonna do this!
- Ray Hughes: Alright, then we let him kill us, that's what he wants anyway, there's a certain dignity in that, as long as we keep on our pants!”
Billy Crystal - Danny Costanzo
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- Mickey Gordon: We were great in Paris.
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: Forget Paris.
- Mickey Gordon: Forget Paris? How do you forget the best week in your life?
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: Maybe that's just all we were, just a great week.”
Billy Crystal - Mickey Gordon
Debra Winger - Ellen Andrews Gordon

“What's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is look in the obituary section. You see who died, find out where they lived, and tip the doorman.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- Harry Burns: No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
- Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
- Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns
Meg Ryan - Sally Albright

“- Danny Costanzo: What the hell are we doing in Key West?
- Ray Hughes: It's as far south as we can go without having to speak Spanish.”
Billy Crystal - Danny Costanzo
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“- Harry Block: You're air-conditioned here?
- The Devil: Sure! Fucks up the ozone layer.”
Woody Allen - Harry Block
Billy Crystal - The Devil

Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?". Your forties, you grow a little pot belly, you grow another chin.
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you'll be dating sperm.”
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“- Mitch: Kenny has to go. He's cooking breakfast for his underwear.
- Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn: Who is this?
- Mitch: I'm a pair of his socks.”

Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Bob Balaban - Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn

- Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.
- Ed Furillo: Trusted us? They followed us because we yelled, "Yah". They're cattle.
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Bruno Kirby - Ed Furillo

“- Mickey Gordon: I was thinking of doing some sightseeing.
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: Sightseeing? In Paris? What a bizarre notion.
- Mickey Gordon: Sure. You got any stuff here?
- Ellen Andrews Gordon: Yeah, we got some stuff. Would you like to see the Eiffel Tower?
- Mickey Gordon: That's here?”
Billy Crystal - Mickey Gordon
Debra Winger - Ellen Andrews Gordon

“- Bud: Phil, listen. I'd think twice before going back to that wife of yours, 'cause that'd be like sticking your balls in a bear trap.
- Mitch: And that would be bad, right?”
Pruitt Taylor Vince - Bud
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“- Lisa: Let me get this straight: is he an actor or isn't he?
- Abbie: Exactly.”
JoBeth Williams - Lisa
Billy Crystal - Abbie

“- Dale Putley: I'm an actor. A writer at large. I produce plays, things from my soul. But it's avant-garde, very experimental.
- Jack Lawrence: You mean with guinea pigs?”
Robin Williams - Dale Putley
Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence

“- Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
- Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.”
Billy Crystal - Man in Black
Carol Kane - Valerie

“Humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don'. Doesn't work.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns