Billy Crystal movie quotes

“You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.”

Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel

“It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.”
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- Abbie: He lives in Los Angeles.
- Lisa: What does he do?
- Abbie: He's a professional embarrassment.”

Billy Crystal - Abbie
JoBeth Williams - Lisa

“- Sulley: See that, Mikey? Ted's walking to work.
- Mike: Big deal. Guy takes five steps and he's there.”

John Goodman - Sullivan
Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Sulley: I can still hear her little voice.
- Boo: Mike Wazowski!
- Mike: Hey, I can hear her too.
- Kids: Mike Wazowski!
- Mike: How many kids you got in there?”

John Goodman - Sullivan
Mary Gibbs - Boo
Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Miracle Max: It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
- Inigo Montoya: What's that?
- Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.”
Billy Crystal - Miracle Max
Mandy Patinkin - Inigo Montoya

“- Sam Kamin: That's my job. I find people to be in movies.
- Max Zamphirescu: They pay for this? That's so stupid!
- Sam Kamin: You've been talking to my father, haven't you!”
Billy Crystal - Sam 'Sammy' Kamin
Gheorghe Muresan - Max Zamphirescu

“That face is almost as ugly as yours, Rugs. He's too ugly to be champ!”

Billy Crystal - Joey Gongolong

- Glen: During Prohibition, we ran molasses to Canada. Made a fortune.
- Mitch: "Ran molasses to Canada". You should run some brains to your head.
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“- Mitch: You ever walk in on our parents doing it?
- Glen: No, have you?
- Mitch: Yeah.
- Glen: That's a horrible thing for a little kid to see.
- Mitch: This was last week in Florida!”
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins

“- Dale Putley: Jack, look at this.
- Jack Lawrence: It's money. I remember it from when I was single.”
Robin Williams - Dale Putley
Billy Crystal - Jack Lawrence

“- Duke: 'The hell you lookin' at?
- Mitch: I can't get over it. Curly's twin.
- Duke: Well get over it. Or I'll turn you into twins.”

Jack Palance - Duke Washburn
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“- FBI Agent Steadman: Dr. Sobel, Mam. I'm Agent Steadman, Agent Ricci, Agent Provano, Federal Bureau Of Investigation, OCD.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?
- FBI Agent Ricci: Organized Crime Division.”
Jimmie Ray Weeks - FBI Agent Steadman
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Bob Cea - FBI Agent Ricci

“- Sulley: Hey, Mike, this might sound crazy but I don't think that kid's dangerous.
- Mike: Really? Well, in that case, let's keep it. I always wanted a pet that could kill me.”
John Goodman - Sullivan
Billy Crystal - Mike

“- Sulley: Boo's in trouble. I think there might be a way to save her if we can just get down to that...
- Mike: We? Whoa, whoa. We? No. There's no we this time, pal. If you wanna go out there and freeze to death, you be my guest, because you're on your own.”
John Goodman - Sullivan
Billy Crystal - Mike

- Eddie Thomas: I blew it. I lost her.
- Lee Phillips: Guy goes to his rabbi. He says, "I think my wife's trying to poison me". Rabbi says, "Let me talk to her". Comes back a little later and says, "Listen, I spoke to your wife for three hours. Take the poison". You get it? You and Gwen are over.
- Eddie Thomas: I don't care about Gwen! I'm... (continue)(continue reading)
John Cusack - Eddie Thomas
Billy Crystal - Lee Phillips

“- Captain Logan: That jumper yesterday? Just got a flash from the coroner on the cause of death!
- Danny Costanzo: Oooh, let me guess. Deceleration trauma.
- Ray Hughes: Cement poisoning.
- Captain Logan: He drowned.
- Danny Costanzo: Oh, poor guy couldn't swim or fly, huh?”
Dan Hedaya - Captain Logan
Billy Crystal - Danny Costanzo
Gregory Hines - Ray Hughes

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: I have to say, not being able to perform three or four times...
- Paul Vitti: Eight times.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: ...eight times, is not catastrophic.”

Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“Grab your new best friends, Ben and Jerry, and let's turn your ass into a helipad.”
Billy Crystal - Mickey Gordon

I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named "Sphinxy".
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“- Paul Vitti: People get depressed, they jump. But that ain't my fault.
- Dr. Ben Sobel: So you're telling me it was suicide?
- Paul Vitti: I don't know, he probably left a note.”

Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel

“- Abe: I've lived a thousand different lives in a thousand different places, kid.
- Abbie: Great, but when was the last time you opened a window?”
Alan King - Abe
Billy Crystal - Abbie

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Let me get this straight: You flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?
- Paul Vitti: Don't that prove I'm motivated?
- Dr. Ben Sobel: You know, you can take a pill for that.”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“- Glen: There is something wrong with your cow. I reach under there and I'm pulling, tugging, tugging, pulling, nothing, not a drop.
- Mitch: The cow's name is Norman. You were pulling on his dick.
- Glen: I'm gonna go wash up.”
Jon Lovitz - Glen Robbins
Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins

“They can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... this is an amendment to the earlier rule.”

Billy Crystal - Harry Burns