Chevy Chase movie quotes

“- Ty Webb: I don't play golf, for money, against people.
- Al Czervik: What are you, religious or something?
- Ty Webb: You might say that.”
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb
Rodney Dangerfield - Al Czervik

“Fun is actually knowing who half your guests are.”
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“- Mitch Weaver: Dr. Farthing, what happened to your arm?
- Dr. Farthing: Well, it was either from sleeping on it the wrong way or bookmakers throwing me out of a speeding car.”
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver
Chevy Chase - Dr. Farthing

“- Max Fielder: I think I caused Darcy's coffee cup to slide across the table and crash. And then everything around was shaking and quaking...
- Brian Stills: You trashed the place 'cause you're mad at this Daisy chick, right?
- Max Fielder: No, no, Brian, I did it but I didn't touch anything.
- Brian Stills: Look, we all think we got some...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chevy Chase - Max Fielder
Brian Doyle-Murray - Brian Stills

“- Jack Hartounian: You think it's safe to hit a ball in a place like this?
- Ty Webb: Of course, it's a ballroom.”
Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb

“We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Clark Griswold: I'll have a Coke.
- Stewardess: Do you want that in the can?
- Clark Griswold: [Clark turns and looks at the bathroom, then turns back at the Stewardess] No, I'll have it right here.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Wendy Goldman - Stewardess

“The other day I was rummaging through your room. There was an odor coming out and I wanted to see if your hamster had died. Turned out to be just your old gym socks. Then I ran across a box of your favorite mementos. A four leaf clover. A vending machine photo of you and Sally. And a partially used box of Mentor condoms. It made me proud to...” (continue)(continue reading)

Chevy Chase - Condom Father

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: John Cock... tos... ton.
- Gail Stanwyk: That's a beautiful name.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, it's Scotch/Romanian.
- Gail Stanwyk: That's an odd combination.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Yeah, well, so were my parents.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk

“Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Russ.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: Irwin, admit that you are a sinner.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Uh. Well, I've sinned. I didn't take any polaroids or anything. But, yeah, I've sinned.
- Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: The Lord forgives ya!
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Amen. What? Other sins? Uh, I parked in a...” (continue)(continue reading)
R. Lee Ermey - Jimmy Lee Farnsworth
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Why'd you let me in?
- Gail Stanwyk: Um, because I'm bored.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: If you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?
- Gail Stanwyk: Well, Utah's not exactly a cure for boredom.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk

“Becky was a good girl and didn't need to be spanked... dammit.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Clark Griswold: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
- Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark! I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Dusty Bottoms: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
- Carmen: And that you have done, now what?
- Dusty Bottoms: Well we really don't have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.”
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms
Patrice Martinez - Carmen

“Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament... again.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Jimmy Lee Farnsworth: You don't suppose I used too many photographs of myself do you?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No, no. Worked for the ayatollah.”
R. Lee Ermey - Jimmy Lee Farnsworth
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Bob Hodges: Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Mine or yours?
- Bob Hodges: Yours.
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Damn!”
James Daughton - Bob Hodges
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“- Gail Stanwyk: What are you doing here?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I ordered some lunch.
- Gail Stanwyk: You ordered it here?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be.”
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it.”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“Look, defenseless babies!”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I saw Alan this morning and you know what I can't figure out?
- Gail Stanwyk: Alan's in Utah.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I... can't figure out what I was doing in Utah this morning.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk

The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, "a flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish". He was a funny guy.
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb

“I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold