Chevy Chase movie quotes

“- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
- Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I..
- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: It's a BB gun!”
John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Gail Stanwyk: I didn't know you knew the Underhills.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Yeah, well, I saved his life during the war.
- Gail Stanwyk: You were in the war?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No, he was. I got him out.”
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Clark Griswold: Could I do your back, honey?
- Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back.
- Clark Griswold: Could I do your front?
- Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: Has your father ever killed anyone?
- Rusty Griswold: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.
- Clark Griswold: Hey you can't prove that Russ.”
John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What's she saying?
- Austin Millbarge: H... hair... hairbrush... headrest...
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Jesus, where did you learn your Russian? JCPenney?”
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume
Dan Aykroyd - Austin Millbarge

“- Ellen Griswold: Oh my Lord... Rusty!
- Girl in Hot Tub: Oh, you must be lost. This is Mr. Pappagiorgio.
- Clark Griswold: His name is not Pappagiorgio! His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student! Now out of the pool, let's go young man! Now!”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Hayley Mortison - Girl in the Hot tub
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! YOU know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it!
- Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.”
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Elizabeth Farmer
Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer

“- Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
- Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
- Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
- Clark Griswold: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: Banker?
- Chris Thorne: No, not banker. Financial publisher. "Thorne Weekly"?
- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: Ok, banker.

Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“Where the hell is the damn dam tour?”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Teenager: Are you gonna take me to jail for car theft?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Why? Did you steal the car?
- Teenager: I sure did.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.”
David W. Harper - Teenager
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Alan Stanwyk: You'll be wearing rubber gloves. Do you own rubber gloves?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I rent 'em. I have a lease with an option to buy.”
Tim Matheson - Alan Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“[Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna, flatly]
- Clark Griswold: Oh God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms in the flock in thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he laid its down by the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
- Clark Griswold: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.
- Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
- Clark Griswold: Make that the second biggest.”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Imogene Coca - Aunt Edna

“I finally got it down to the absolute basic essentials: club, ball, swing. The rest of it is just walking around the park wearing funny pants.”
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb

“- Rusty Griswold: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
- Clark Griswold: Nothing to be proud of Russ [pauses as Rusty walks away and then proudly] … 50 yards.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“Pick a number? ! I'm great at that! Coin toss!! Eddie, these are my games!!”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“Being a fake is what I do best.”
Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Do you have any caviar?
- Waiter: Si señor, Beluga, but it is 80 dollars a portion.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, then I better just take two portions of that.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Nico De Silva - Waiter

“[Clark punches the Marty Moose statue]
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing?
- Clark Griswold: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? He owes the Griswolds, right? Fucking a right he owes us!
- Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're scaring me!”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Diane Lightson: How long have you been divorced?
- Chris Thorne: Four years.
- Diane Lightson: Do you still love her?
- Chris Thorne: Nah, been over her for... weeks.”
Demi Moore - Diane Lightson
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“You guys are growing up so fast, I hardly recognize you anymore!”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Carl Spackler: Your place got a pool?
- Ty Webb: We have a pond in the back. We have a pool and a pond... pond'd be good for you.”
Bill Murray - Carl Spackler
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb

“- Ellen Griswold: We can't leave her on the patio!
- Clark Griswold: Would you rather I slipped her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold