Chevy Chase movie quotes

“- Dr. Joseph Dolan: You know, it's a shame about Ed.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Oh, it was. Yeah, it was really a shame. To go so suddenly like that.
- Dr. Joseph Dolan: He was dying for years.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Sure, but... the end was very... very sudden.
- Dr. Joseph Dolan: He was in intensive care for eight weeks.
- Irwin 'Fletch'...” (continue)(continue reading)
M. Emmet Walsh - Dr. Joseph Dolan
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
- El Guapo: You will die like dogs!
- Dusty Bottoms: No, we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions!”

Martin Hayter Short - Ned Nederlander
Alfonso Arau - El Guapo
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“- Norman Robberson: Do you know what smoking does to you? It stunts your growth, it yellows your teeth and blackens your lungs. Is that what you want? To be a yellow toothed midget with lung cancer?
- Kevin Robberson: I'm keeping my options open.”
Chevy Chase - Norman Robberson
Jason James Richter - Kevin Robberson

“- Ellen Griswold: Audrey, don't cry. Your father didn't mean what he said.
- Audrey Griswold: Yes, he did!
- Ellen Griswold: No, he didn't. He's not going to cut off Jack's balls. Aren't you Clark?... Clark?!
- Clark Griswold: Okay, I won't.”
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Dana Hill - Audrey Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Clark Griswold: Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?
- Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“- Tony Carlson: I play detective. You play lady in distress.
- Gloria Mundy: Hey, wait a minute. It's my ass they're after.
- Tony Carlson: I'm sorry. You're right. That was a stupid, glib, chauvinist remark and I apologize. It is your ass they're after, and it's my job to see to it that... I get there first.”
Chevy Chase - Tony Carlson
Goldie Hawn - Gloria Mundy

“Beckett's birthday was 6 months ago, or 6 months from now depending on how you look at it.”
Chevy Chase - Browning

“Remember Danny: two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.”
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb

“- Ray Kasternak: I do not do the good that I want. But the evil I do not want is what I do. Now if I do what I do not want it is no longer I that do it, but sin which dwells within me.
- Eddie Muntz: That's beautiful, Ray.”
Gregory Hines - Ray Kasternak
Chevy Chase - Eddie Muntz

“- Dr. Joseph Dolan: Arnold Babar. Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I don't know. I don't have any.
- Dr. Joseph Dolan: No children?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No elephant books.”
M. Emmet Walsh - Dr. Joseph Dolan
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

- Harry Flugleman: Do you know what "nada" means?
- Dusty Bottoms: Isn't that a light chicken gravy?
Joe Mantegna - Harry Flugleman
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: Welcome to Supper! How 'bout a nice Hawaiian Punch?
- Chris Thorne: Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch.”
Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Can't keep me here, chief.
- Chief Jerry Karlin: Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights.”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Joe Don Baker - Chief Jerry Karlin

“Have you ever heard more bullshit or drivel coming from somebody who is not even the president?”
Chevy Chase - Deke - Channel 4 News Director

“- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Oh. Uh, will you hold my wallet for me while I take the test, please? There's a thousand dollars in there... or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
- Test Monitor: Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test?
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What do you think?”
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume
Frank Oz - Test Monitor

“- Bartender: We don't have no beer, just tequila.
- Ned Nederlander: What's tequila?
- Bartender: ...It's like beer...
- Dusty Bottoms: Is it fattening?
- Bartender: ...Fat-ten-ing?”
Martin Hayter Short - Ned Nederlander
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“- Glenda Gardenia Parks: If you're innocent, they'll never send you to jail.
- Nick Gardenia: Is that how it works, Chester?
- Chester: Not in my neighborhood.”
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia
T.K. Carter - Chester

- Bud Schnelker: Why are you here?
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said... how do you spell spell "Sartre"?
Jim Staahl - Bud Schnelker
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“I should have known. A Brazillionaire never forgets.”
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: We're going to have a serious conversation tonight.
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: I'm looking forward to it.
- Nick Gardenia: Anything special you'd like for dinner?”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia

“- Jackie: What're you doing here?
- Browning: Having cough medicine, what're you doing here?
- Jackie: This isn't cough medicine, it's brandy.
- Browning: So I lied.”
Jane Seymour - Jackie
Chevy Chase - Browning

“You using the whole fist, Doc?”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Calculus Entropy: Our families go back for hundreds of years - your great-grandparents owned my great-grandparents and that's how it all started.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: You ever heard of the emancipation proclamation?
- Calculus Entropy: Well I heard something about it, but I don't recall exactly. It didn't get too much publicity around...” (continue)(continue reading)
Cleavon Little - Calculus Entropy
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Gail Stanwyck: She looks like a hooker. Look at her. Look at her! Could you love someone who looked like that?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: What are you talking about? Of course not! Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.”
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“It's only my second day in San Miguel, and I'll tell ya', I'm ready to hitchhike to Jonestown for a few laughs and a cool drink. This place is hotter than Dolly Parton's minipad. My job takes me all over the world. Lebanon, Nicaragua... Newark. You name it, I'm in there. Always where the action is.”
Chevy Chase - Eddie Muntz