Chevy Chase movie quotes

“- Chris Thorne: Come on, death for running a stop sign?
- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: And for being a banker! That's the double death.”

Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne
Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser

- Records Nurse: Can I get you something?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Yeah, do you have the Beatles' "White Album"? Never mind, just get me a glass of hot fat. And bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're out there.

Loraine Shields - Records Nurse
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Austin Millbarge: Show some balls, man!
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: I think it's too late to try and impress them.”

Dan Aykroyd - Austin Millbarge
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“- Chris Thorne: That's where they buried Flipper.
- Fausto Squiriniszu: Flipper is dead?”

Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne
Taylor Negron - Fausto Squiriniszu

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: You fellas wanna read me my rights?
- Detective #1: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped by him.
[Detective #2 blows Fletch a kiss]
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I'll... waive my rights.”

Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Tony Longo - Detective #1

“- Rusty Griswold: Dad this is not the car you ordered.
- Clark Griswold: Take it easy Rusty... Ed this is not the car I ordered.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Detective #1: Got a gun, creep?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Shamu's got one, borrow his.
- Detective #1: [searching Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher] What have we here?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: That's my dick.”
Tony Longo - Detective #1
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“All I needed now was a computer. And a ten-year-old kid to teach me how to use it.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Clark Griswold: Audrey! What are you doing? Ten years of tap dancing lessons and this is the way you repay us?
- Audrey Griswold: What? You told me to get a summer job.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Marisol Nichols - Audrey Griswold

“- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: You may kiss the bride.
- Chris Thorne: Not in front of all these people, your honor.
- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: Now!”
Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“[looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat]
- Ellen Griswold: She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do, Clark?
- Clark Griswold: Well, we could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your Cousin Normie and he could come and get her, I guess.
- Ellen Griswold: That is the meanest,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Dana Barron - Audrey Griswold
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold

“Alright. Stop right there... and I'll bring back the sun. Okay...
[shows a picture from his wallet]
This is my sister. You can all have her. I hear she's very good.”

Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“Sorry, my pen burst in the... altitude.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.
- Clark Griswold: Rusty take care of Dinkums.
- Rusty Griswold: Dad he bites.
- Clark Griswold: Bite him back.”
Imogene Coca - Aunt Edna
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold

“- Austin Millbarge: I gotta take a leak. You should go too.
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What are you my mother? Don't you think I'm capable of determining my own time to go to the bathroom?”
Dan Aykroyd - Austin Millbarge
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“I'm Chevy Chase and you're not.”

Chevy Chase

“- Pelican Man: I used to be a pelican, what were you?
- Browning: Jesus Christ!
- Pelican Man: Really?”

Albin Pahernik - Pelican Man
Chevy Chase - Browning

- Tony Carlson: What do you say to a bottle of wine and a couple of steaks?
- Gloria Mundy: Well, you could start by saying, "Hello".
Chevy Chase - Tony Carlson
Goldie Hawn - Gloria Mundy

“When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
- Danny Noonan: Everyday.
- Ty Webb: Good.”
Chevy Chase - Ty Webb
Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan

“- Calculus Entropy: Should I be doing anything?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No, not really, um... as soon as you get that trunk upstairs and have finished your nap I guess you could fix that step and jump down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton. And while I'm gone see to it Miss Scarlet stays away from the union army will you?”
Cleavon Little - Calculus Entropy
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Browning: Are you in organized crime?
- Bart: I'm in Parliament.
- Browning: Six of one.”
Chevy Chase - Browning
Omar Sharif - Bart

“I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“Now you listen to me, you son of a bitch. I've lost everything but my soul, and you're not going to take that away from me.”

Chevy Chase - Nick Halloway

“- Judge John Channing: Are you trying to tell me that while every policeman in the state was looking for you, you were serving dinner to the district attorney, his wife and our governor? How is that possible?
- Nick Gardenia: Well... you have to prepare everything in advance.”
Harold Gould - Judge John Channing
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia