Chevy Chase movie quotes

“- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
- Clark Griswold: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: It's a BB gun!
- Clark Griswold: Don't tempt me. I could put an eye out with this thing.
- Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
- Clark Griswold: Yeah...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Candy - Lasky, Guard at Walleyworld
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“Here's a little item I think you might go for in a big way - Dragonteeth mines. Made in the US and used successfully in Vietnam, I might add. These little honeys won't kill ya', but they're guaranteed to take a foot off. Take a couple of samples, take 'em home, see if you like'em, let me know how many you need. Okay?”

Chevy Chase - Eddie Muntz

“- Clark Griswold: There's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works.
- Audrey Griswold: Works? What does she do, Dad?
- Clark Griswold: She queens... and vacuums.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Dana Hill - Audrey Griswold

“You picked the wrong guy. Happens to the best of us. When it come to love, there's no accounting for taste.”

Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“- Clark Griswold: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
- Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Randy Quaid - Cousin Eddie

“Yes, I like it!”

Chevy Chase - Max Fielder

“- Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're driving on the wrong side of the road!
- Clark Griswold: I realize that honey. I'm also on the wrong side of the car.”

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“You don't know a thing about writing. You're a Goddamn schoolteacher.”
Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer

“- Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.
- Clark Griswold: He's not gonna pork her, Russ.
- Rusty Griswold: I think he's gonna.
- Clark Griswold: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.”

Jason Lively - Rusty Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Clark Griswold: She wrapped up her damn cat!
- Ellen Griswold: Well, take it to the kitchen and open it up.
- Clark Griswold: Then we'll have a cat running around the house.”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“- Assistant Mechanic: Never heard of no one so shit-all stupid as you drivin' off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
- Clark Griswold: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town.”
John Diehl - Assistant Mechanic
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Man: Uh, sir, this is a secure area.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: Well, I'm very happy for you, son. Most people live in terrible neighborhoods.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Rusty: Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hittin' on mom!
- Clark Griswold: It's all part of the act, Russ.”
Ethan Embry - Rusty Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Rosita: Have you ever kissed a girl?
- Dusty Bottoms: Oh yeah, sure. Lots of times.
- Rosita: Would you like to kiss me?
- Dusty Bottoms: Yeah.
- Rosita: Well?
- Dusty Bottoms: What? Now? Here?
- Rosita: Well, we could take a walk and you could kiss me on the veranda.
- Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.”
Benita Telles - Rosita
Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“I think the three of us make a wonderful pair.”

Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia

“- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: I was curious about something your wife said when we were in bed together.
- Alan Stanwyck: Oh? What's that?
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: That roughly we have the same build. From the waist up I imagine.”
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher
Tim Matheson - Alan Stanwyck

“- Marty: Come on, Griswold, You think that sign is there to hold the table down?
- Clark Griswold: What can I do with five dollars?
- Marty: Gee, I don't know. Buy a bullet and rent a gun?”

Wallace Shawn - Marty
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Ellen Griswold: A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing.
- Clark Griswold: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell, I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
- Audrey Griswold: What?
- Clark Griswold: I said: didn't you think it was real?
- Audrey Griswold: What?
- Ellen Griswold: Oh are you happy now, Clark?...” (continue)(continue reading)

Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Dana Barron - Audrey Griswold

“Do you have anything besides Mexican food?”

Chevy Chase - Dusty Bottoms

“Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?”
Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold

“- Gail Stanwyk: I really should change.
- Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher: No! I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.
- Gail Stanwyk: I mean, put clothes on.”
Dana Wheeler-Nicholson - Gail Stanwyk
Chevy Chase - Irwin 'Fletch' Fletcher

“- Lt. Jake Stone: You arrested a waiter?
- Norman Robberson: Jake, he was rude.
- Lt. Jake Stone: Norman, you can't arrest people for being rude. If you could, all of New York City would be on Death Row.”
Jack Palance - Jake Stone
Chevy Chase - Norman Robberson

“- Clark Griswold: We could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your Cousin Normie and he could come and get her, I guess.
- Ellen Griswold: That is the meanest, coldest...
- Clark Griswold: Well what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?”

Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold
Beverly D'Angelo - Ellen Griswold

“We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes.”
Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer