Dan Aykroyd movie quotes

“- John W. Burns, Jr. : Ok, I can handle this.
- Lawrence Baird: What makes you think you're qualified? This time he's jumping, next time he might be pushing others. He is a menace to society!
- John W. Burns, Jr. : Only if he falls on somebody.”

Dan Aykroyd - John W. Burns, Jr.
David Clennon - Lawrence Baird

- Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
- Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
- Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Bill Murray - Dr. Peter Venkman
David Margulies - Mayor
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Raymond Stantz

“- Friday: With the exception of you and canned cling peaches I'd be hard pressed to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition.
- Streebek: It's called a mistake, Friday, but I don't suppose you ever make any of those, do you?”
Dan Aykroyd - Friday
Tom Hanks - Streebek

“- Vada Sultenfuss: Daddy, how come this coffin's so small?
- Harry Sultenfuss: They come in all sizes, honey, like shoes.
- Vada Sultenfuss: Is it for a child?
- Harry Sultenfuss: Of course not!
- Vada Sultenfuss: Then for who is it?
- Harry Sultenfuss: Short people. Very short people.”
Anna Chlumsky - Vada Sultenfuss
Dan Aykroyd - Harry Sultenfuss

- Elwood Blues: You promised you'd visit the "Penguin" the day you got out of prison.
- 'Joliet' Jake Blues: Yeah... so I lied to her.
- Elwood Blues: You can't lie to a nun, Jake. We're gonna go in, and see the "Penguin".
Dan Aykroyd - Elwood Blues
John Belushi - Joliet' Jake Blues

“- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: You may kiss the bride.
- Chris Thorne: Not in front of all these people, your honor.
- Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser: Now!”
Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser
Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne

“I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“- Dr. Keats: Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.
- Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
- Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.”
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Keats
Allen Covert - Ten Second Tom

“- Roman: You wanna cruise the lake in a pontoon boat? Or do you wanna ride the waves in a jet boat?
- Ben: Jet boat!! ... Sorry dad.”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig
Ian Giatti - Ben Ripley

“An alternative lifestyle. Do you know what that is? That's just a phrase deviants use to cover up their sex lives.”
Dan Aykroyd - Fred

“- Friday: Ma'am, what is the approximate dry weight of the average Madagascan fruit tree bat?
- Streebeck: You mean you don't know?”
Dan Aykroyd - Friday
Tom Hanks - Streebek

“- Austin Millbarge: I gotta take a leak. You should go too.
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What are you my mother? Don't you think I'm capable of determining my own time to go to the bathroom?”
Dan Aykroyd - Austin Millbarge
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume

“- Roman: How about the gourmet here, you know what he wanted? Hotdogs! You know what they make those things out of, Chet? You know? Lips and assholes!
- Chet: Hahaha I guess I'm old-fashioned I like assholes.
- Roman: Ha and I like lips! kisses Connie's lips If I could market lips like those I would make another million.”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig
John Candy - Chet Ripley

“Look at the size of the maggots on that meat!”

Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“Do you have any idea how college faculty members eat? On what we get paid, a free meal is like honey to a bear to these people! They're going to want to eat enough to hibernate on! They're animals!”
Dan Aykroyd - Clifford Skridlow

“I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605. 10. 20. 22. 24. 26. 50. 70. 80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them.”

Dan Aykroyd - Friday

“- Vic: Well, I can think of a problem that's a good deal more important and you, as a parent, are ignoring it completely.
- Earl Keese: What?
- Vic: What is Elaine doing about sex? Is she getting probed?”
Dan Aykroyd - Vic
John Belushi - Earl Keese

“Stay away from drugs, gangs, and cyberporn on the Internet and you can be President of the United States some day.”
Dan Aykroyd - Elwood Blues

“Ramona and I haven't eaten all day. We could eat a baby's butt through a park bench.”
Dan Aykroyd - Vic

“- Elwood Blues: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
- Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?
- Elwood Blues: No ma'am, dry.”
Dan Aykroyd - Elwood Blues
Aretha Franklin - Mrs. Murphy

“- 'Joliet' Jake Blues: How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hot Rodder? Those cops have your name, your address.
- Elwood Blues: They don't have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.
- 'Joliet' Jake Blues: 1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.”
John Belushi - Joliet' Jake Blues
Dan Aykroyd - Elwood Blues

“You don't crumple the paper up, ya gotta twist it, ya twist it.”

Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business.”
Dan Aykroyd - Captain Phineas J. Tucker

“- Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.
- Dr. Raymond Stantz: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.”

Rick Moranis - Louis Tully
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Raymond Stantz

“- Sheila Kingston: Maybe if you spiced up your sex life a little you wouldn't be divorced.
- Fred Lavery: What do you mean? I spiced it up plenty. Many's the time I let the wife get on top.”
Rosie O'Donnell - Sheila
Dan Aykroyd - Fred