Danny DeVito movie quotes

“There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?”
Danny DeVito

“I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret, you just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you've done, and you wish that you had it do over, but you know you can't, because it's too late. So you pick that thing up, and carry it with you to remind you that life goes on, the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Danny DeVito - Phil Cooper

“- Mr. Wormwood: Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished.
- Matilda: Punished for being smart?
- Mr. Wormwood: For being a smart aleck!”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood
Mara Wilson - Matilda

“I've been to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It's a tower, and it's leaning. You look at it, but nothing happens, so then you look for someplace to get a sandwich.”
Danny DeVito

“It doesn't matter whether you're sellingJesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down'. That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other...” (continue)(continue reading)
Danny DeVito - Phil Cooper

“I'm smart, you're dumb. I’m big, you're little. I’m right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“Hamlet's mother she's the queen, buys it in the final scene, drinks a glass of funky wine, now she's Satan's Valentine.”

Danny DeVito - Bill Rago

“- Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?
- Mr. Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.
- Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.”
Pam Ferris - Trunchbull
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“- Matilda: I want to go to school.
- Mr. Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.”
Mara Wilson - Matilda
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“Getting old is a gift. I forget that sometimes, but it is. What more could a guy possibly want?”
Danny DeVito - Eddie

“- Kate Sullivan: Someday, we'll smarten up, change some laws, and put you out of business.
- Lawrence Garfield: You can change all the laws you want. You can't stop the game. I'll still be here. I adapt.”
Penelope Ann Miller - Kate Sullivan
Danny DeVito - Lawrence Garfield

“- Bill Rago: Write why you're here.
- Pvt. Donnie Benitez: This is where they told us to be.
- Bill Rago: No, no. Write about the magical twist of fate that prompted you to gravitate towards this institute of imbeciles.
- Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery: What?
- Bill Rago: Write why you joined the Army!”
Danny DeVito - Bill Rago
Lillo Brancato - Pvt. Donnie Benitez
Kadeem Hardison - Pvt. Jamaal Montgomery

“- Martin Weir: Hey, Chili, is that your car?
- Chili Palmer: Yeah, it's an Insight, it's the 'Cadillac of Hybrids'.
- Martin Weir: A little tight for a big guy like you.
- Chili Palmer: Small price to pay for the environment.”

Danny DeVito - Martin Weir
John Travolta - Chili Palmer

“There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!”

Danny DeVito - Gavin D'Amato

“You're an emancipated woman. Learn to lose.”

Danny DeVito - Lawrence Garfield

“There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“- Phil: Kid, listen to me. She's...
- Hercules: A dream come true?
- Phil: Not exactly.
- Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
- Phil: Aside from that.
- Hercules: The most wonderful...
- Phil: She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap!”

Danny DeVito - Phil
Tate Donovan - Hercules

“I'm fed up with all this reading! You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Now sit up and look at the TV.”
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.”
Danny DeVito - Narrator

“You’re making people happy. That’s no small thing.”
Danny DeVito - Chesterfield

“Always hard to find, like love, Waldo, a good Chinese restaurant…”
Danny DeVito - Chesterfield

“- V. A. Vandevere: Max, I know your type. Charlatan, con man, opportunist.
- Max Medici: New York is that way, in case you need directions.
- V. A. Vandevere: And I know it comes from a deep desire to build something authentic and true.
- Max Medici: I know your game.
- V. A. Vandevere: It’s not a game. Some men cheat the rules, others change them.” (continue)(continue reading)
Michael Keaton - V. A. Vandevere
Danny DeVito - Max Medici

“- V. A. Vandevere: Max, you possess something that’s very rare in life. And the tragedy of it is, is you don’t even know that you have it. Do you know what it is that you have, Max?
- Max Medici: No.
- V. A. Vandevere: It’s mystique.”
Michael Keaton - V. A. Vandevere
Danny DeVito - Max Medici

“- Max Medici: Why me? Why me? A face only a mother could love.
- Miss Atlantis: Sir, many of us find you handsome.
- Max Medici: I was talking about the elephant!”
Danny DeVito - Max Medici
Sharon Rooney - Miss Atlantis