Mike Myers movie quotes

“- Donkey: Where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
- Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
- Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.”

Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

“- The Cat: There is a third option.
- Sally: There is?
- The Cat: Yes. It involves murder.”
Mike Myers - The Cat
Dakota Fanning - Sally

“- Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
- Wayne Campbell: If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset.”
Lara Flynn Boyle - Stacy
Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell

“- Austin Powers: Only two things scare me and one of them is nuclear war.
- Basil Exposition: What's the other?
- Austin Powers: Excuse me?
- Basil Exposition: What's the other thing that scares you?
- Austin Powers: Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.”
Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Michael York - Basil Exposition

“Of course I'm not happy! Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll...” (continue)(continue reading)
Mike Myers - Fat Bastard

“- Donkey: Stairs? I thought we were lookin' for the Princess.
- Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
- Donkey: How do you know that?
- Shrek: I read it in a book once.”

Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

“Listen Missy, would you fancy another go? 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back!”
Mike Myers - Fat Bastard

“- Donkey: I don't wanna die! I'm melting!
- Shrek: It's just the rain.”
Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

“- Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?
- Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a big dope?”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil
Seth Green - Scott Evil

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen!
[laughs, then notices he isn't getting any laughs from his submarine crew]
No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil

“- Vanessa Kensington: Always wanting to have fun, Austin. That's you in a nutshell!
- Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell. [acts as if he were in a nutshell] Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell? Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell! What sort of shell has a nut like this? This is crazy!”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Austin Powers: Only sailors use condoms, baby.
- Vanessa Kensington: Not in the 90's, Austin.
- Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.”
Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington

“Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.”
Mike Myers

- Stuart Mackenzie: We both said "I do", and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
- May Mackenzie: That's true!
- Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.
Mike Myers - Stuart Mackenzie
Brenda Fricker - May Mackenzie

“- Princess Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
- Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
- Princess Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!
- Shrek: Right before they burst into flame!”

Cameron Diaz - Princess Fiona
Mike Myers - Shrek

“- Donkey: What about my Miranda rights? Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
- Shrek: You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.”
Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

“My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”
Mike Myers

“- The Cat: Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
- Sally: S-L-O-W?
- The Cat: Yeah, S.L.O.W. It's better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.”

Mike Myers - The Cat
Dakota Fanning - Sally

“- Austin: Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
- Basil: It is shit, Austin.
- Austin: Oh, good. Then it's not just me.
- Austin: It's a bit nutty.”

Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Michael York - Basil Exposition

“- Shrek: Puss, do you think you could get up there?
- Puss in Boots: No prolema, boss. In one of my nine cat lives I was the great cat burglar Santiago de Compostela!”
Mike Myers - Shrek
Antonio Banderas - Puss In Boots

Me? Why I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fun-diferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're "meline”, ”keylime”, ”turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
Mike Myers - The Cat

“- Austin: Who sent you?
- Mustafa: You have to kill me.
- Austin: Who sent you?
- Mustafa: Kiss my ass, Powers!
- Austin: Who sent you?
- Mustafa: Dr. Evil.
- Felicity Shagwell: That was easy. Why did you tell us?
- Mustafa: I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. It just irritates me.”
Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Will Ferrell - Mustafa
Heather Graham - Felicity Shagwell

“- Charlie Mackenzie: You look like Huggy Bear from 'Starsky and Hutch'.
- Tony Giardino: What do ya mean? I look hip!
- Charlie Mackenzie: No, you look like an undercover cop trying to look hip.
- Tony Giardino: I am an undercover cop trying to look hip.”
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie
Anthony LaPaglia - Tony Giardino

“- Donkey: Don't you worry, I will always be here to make sure no one bothers you.
- Shrek: You're bothering me.”
Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

- Stuart Mackenzie: Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Oh!"
- Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?
- Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!
Mike Myers - Stuart Mackenzie
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie