Mike Myers movie quotes

“Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”
Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell

“- Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
- Donkey: Example?
- Shrek: Example... ogres are like onions!
- Donkey: They stink?”
Mike Myers - Shrek
Eddie Murphy - Donkey

“- Princess Fiona: My groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
- Shrek: Let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in short supply.
- Donkey: Though there are those who think little of him!”
Cameron Diaz - Princess Fiona
Mike Myers - Shrek
Eddie Murphy - Donkey

“There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster.”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil

“Prison can be so fucking dull at night.”
Mike Myers - Steve Rubell

“- Wayne Campbell: You're worthless! You're less than nothing! What's keeping you here? You don't belong here! Why don't you just quit?
- Milton: Cause I've got no place else to go!”

Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell
Chris Farley - Milton

- Wayne Campbell: All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat".
- Noah Vanderhoff: What?
- Wayne Campbell: Exactly.
Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell
Brian Doyle-Murray - Noah Vanderhoff

“Workin' hard or hardly workin'?”

Mike Myers - Shrek

“Have you seen a baby lately? All they do is eat and poop, and then they cry, and they cry when they poop, and poop when they cry.”

Mike Myers - Shrek

“- Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
- Austin: I can guess, baby.
- Ivana: We play chess.
- Austin: I guessed wrong.”
Kristen Johnston - Ivana Humpalot
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

- Austin Powers: You really are a fat bastard!
- Fat Bastard: You know, that hurts my feelings! I tried going on a diet, you know. The Zone, you know, "carbs are the enemy", eh?
Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Mike Myers - Fat Bastard

“- Vanessa Kensington: Do you smoke after sex?
- Austin: I don't know, baby, I never looked.”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
- Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Austin: Well, how could you do it?
- Felicity Shagwell: I was just doing my job.
- Austin: No, I mean, literally, how could you do it? The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling.”

Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Heather Graham - Felicity Shagwell

“- Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?
- Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a very subjective word. I mean, what's brutal to one person might be totally reasonable to somebody else.”
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie
Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels

- Donkey: What's your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway?
- Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!". They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...
Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek

“- Shrek: Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends!
- Donkey: Wow! Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!”
Mike Myers - Shrek
Eddie Murphy - Donkey

“- Wayne Campbell: Here we are, at Piccadilly Circus!
- Garth Algar: Wow, what a shitty circus.
- Wayne Campbell: Good call. There's no animals or clowns! What a ripoff!”

Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell
Dana Carvey - Garth Algar

“- Dr. Evil: Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seen that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce!
- Number Two: Prince Charles did have...” (continue)(continue reading)
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil
Robert Wagner - Number Two

“- Sally: Where did you come from?
- The Cat: Hm… How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
- Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from?
- The Cat: My place, what do you think?”
Dakota Fanning - Sally
Mike Myers - The Cat
Spencer Breslin - Conrad

“- Number Two: Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock markets? We could make trillions.
- Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?
- Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numbnuts.”
Robert Wagner - Number Two
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil
Seth Green - Scott Evil

“- Dr. Evil: Using my time machine I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the future. And the best part of this plan is... no one can stop me. Not even... Austin Powers.
- Austin Powers: Not so fast. You're surrounded, Doctor Evil.
- Dr. Evil: Shit.”
Mike Myers - Dr. Evil
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Charlie Mackenzie: I just don't think it's a good idea to rush into spending the night together.
- Harriet Michaels: I wanna spend the night together.
- Charlie Mackenzie: I have no problem with that!”
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie
Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels

“- Felicity Shagwell: I thought you didn't like me!
- Austin: Oh no, baby. You're very shagadelic. I just didn't want to fall in love again, and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. It's not you. You're fab, you're switched on, you're a bit of alright!”
Heather Graham - Felicity Shagwell
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!
- Shrek: Go away!
- Donkey: See? There you are, doing it again! Just like you did to Fiona! All she ever did was like you maybe, even love you!”
Eddie Murphy - Donkey
Mike Myers - Shrek