Ability quotes

“Joe Haller couldn't find his own ass if somebody rammed it full of radium and gave him a Geiger counter!”

Bill Smitrovich - Andy Fairton

“John's always been able to talk with animals. I used to think it was a handicap, but it's not; it's a gift. Sometimes, daddies are the ones who need to change.”

Ossie Davis - Archer Dolittle

“- Nando Parrado: Between these mountains somewhere there's a green valley. See these mountains over here? There's no snow on them.
- Roberto Canessa: Those mountains must be fifty miles away. You think you can walk fifty miles?
- Nando Parrado: If we have to, we will.
- Roberto Canessa: I can't.”
Ethan Hawke - Nando Parrado
Josh Hamilton - Roberto Canessa

“- Bonasera: Yes. What do you want me to do?
[the two walk into the embalming room, where a corpse lies on a table]
- Don Vito Corleone: [staring at the table] I want you to use all your powers, and all your skills. I don't want his mother to see him this way.
[he draws back the sheet to reveal, to a horrified Bonasera, the bullet-smashed face of...” (continue)(continue reading)
Salvatore Corsitto - Bonasera
Marlon Brando - Don Vito Corleone

“Mr. Williams thinks I am an Uncle Tom, hm? Well, well, well. What does that have to do with your ability to place a comma in its proper place or put a period at the end of a sentence?”

Laurence Fishburne - Professor Maurice Phipps

“- Alfie Byrne: Dancing is neither modest or immodest. It's either well-done, or badly done.
- Christy Ward: Is that a quote?
- Alfie Byrne: Almost.”
Albert Finney - Alfred Byrne
David Kelly - Christy Ward

- Chris Morrow: Well, I was trained to swallow all sorts of things.
- Richard "Ditch" Brodie: Careful, I might just have to marry you.
Nastassja Kinski - Chris Morrow
Charlie Sheen - Richard "Ditch" Brodie

“When I met Faith, she was just another runaway, giving twenty dollar blowjobs to buy crack. Just another lost soul. But she had this voice... it was scary, like she could take all the hurt and rage of the entire world and lift it up to Heaven in one voice.”
Ralph Fiennes - Lenny Nero

“That was ludicrous, sir. You're jumping from an aeroplane, not a whorehouse window. Do it again.”

Jack Watson - R.S.M. Sandy Young

“- Terry Carmichael: Wow.
- Riley Hale: That was a first for me, too.”

Samantha Mathis - Terry Carmichael
Christian Slater - Riley Hale

“Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.”

Doug Jones - Abe Sapien

“- Willy Gilligan: You know, I lived with a guy for years. A real genius. He could take a couple of these pineapples or a couple of coconuts with some strings and wire and make a nuclear reactor. But he couldn't fix a two-foot hole in a boat. Wanna hear the rest?
- Frankie, the Big Kahuna: No!
- Willy Gilligan: Maybe the Midwest is for me.”
Bob Denver - Willy Gilligan
Frankie Avalon - Frankie, the Big Kahuna

"It is estimated that bears kill over two million salmon a year. Attacks by salmon on bears are much more rare". Right, that's got to be true, right?

Steve Zahn - Peter Gaulke

“They're bigger! They're stronger! They're faster! They've got more facial hair!”

Matt Doherty - Lester Averman

“I can talk about farming in Latin. I can read French. I can lace up a corset, God knows. I can name the principal rivers in Europe, just don't ask me to name one stream in this county! I can embroider but I can't darn! I can arrange cut flowers but I can't grow them! If a thing has a function, if I might do something with it, then it wasn't...” (continue)(continue reading)

Nicole Kidman - Ada Monroe

“Any man strong enough to beat the crap out of Sagat is a man I want found.”

Tom Wyner - Bison

“I can carry nearly eighty gigs of data in my head.”
Keanu Reeves - Johnny Mnemonic

“- Tina Harwood: She figured that out on her computer.
- Gen Harwood: Mom, the computer can't make the jumps for you.”

Kim Cattrall - Tina Harwood
Hayden Panettiere - Gen Harwood

“- Ray: Are you still moping over that disgusting guy? Other people always let you down. Why don't you forget them and do something for yourself?
- Molly: Like what?
- Ray: I don't know. Something you're good at. And I don't mean shopping.”
Dakota Fanning - Ray
Brittany Murphy - Molly

“- Ivan Ooze: You forget that I'm a master of disguise.
- Mordant: How could I forget? I never knew.”
Paul Freeman - Ivan Ooze
Jean Paul Bell - Mordant

“- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Dad, you know that weights aren't my thing.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Weights aren't your thing. Fishing isn't your thing. Just what is your thing?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?”
Thomas Wilson Brown - Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr
Matt Frewer - Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.

“- Betsy Faye Sharon: She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven... Claven... there's no agent.
- David Barnes: Find her.
- Betsy Faye Sharon: Well, what if she can't act?
- Burton White: That never stopped us before!”
Carrie Fisher - Betsy Faye Sharon
Robert Downey Jr. - David Barnes

“You're going a little faster than everybody else. I was wondering if you noticed that.”

Sean Penn - Sam Dawson

“To get ahead in this world, you need more than fair looks and a kind heart.”
Mark Rylance - Sir Thomas Boleyn

“- Betty: I know about this house - it's haunted. I read about it in the Sunday Magazine section.
- Jerry: You did what?
- Betty: Well, somebody read it to me... but I know it's haunted.”
Betty Kean - Betty
June Preisser - Jerry