Irony quotes

“- Jan: I got Twinkies. Anybody want one?
- Marty: Twinkies and wine? Oh, that's real class, Jan.”
Jamie Donnelly - Jan
Dinah Manoff - Marty

“This is all just a bad dream. You're at home, in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably, dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice, you tell me.”
Danny DeVito - Penguin

“There should be a prerequisite, a curriculum for being a parent before people attempt. Don’t try this at home!”
Adrien Brody - Henry Barthes

“- Buck Bretherton: Well how 'bout that, a side we don't have to fix.
- Harry Hogge: [kicks that door panel] I don't want you sto be spoiled, Buck.”
John C. Reilly - Buck Bretherton
Robert Duvall - Harry Hogge

“- Pappas: Listen, you snot-nosed little shit! I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face!
- Johnny Utah: You mad?
- Pappas: Yeah, I'm mad!
- Johnny Utah: You mad?!
- Pappas: Yeah, I'm mad! Whatcha gonna do about it?!
- Johnny Utah: Feels good, doesn't it?”
Gary Busey - Pappas
Keanu Reeves - Johnny Utah

“- Daisy Kincaid: What's your aversion to proper grammar?
- Brady Kincaid: Rhythm maybe.”
Susan Sarandon - Daisy
Edward Norton - Brady Kincaid

Ironically, we were studying "The Scarlet Letter", but isn't that always the way? The books you read in class always seem to have a strong connection with whatever angsty adolescent drama is being recounted.

Emma Stone - Olive

“People are always putting New Jersey down. None of my friends can believe I live here. But that's because they don't get it: I'm living in a state of irony.”
Lara Flynn Boyle - Helen Jordan

“Welcome. This is where the magic happens. And as we all know, by magic I mean nothing.”

Emma Stone - Olive

“It's a small world when you've got unbelievable tits Roy.”
Bill Murray - Ernie McCracken

“- Leigh Ann Watson: There are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
- Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.”
Katie Holmes - Leigh Ann Watson
Helen Mirren - Mrs. Tingle

“I was talking to your father before, and I was telling him that it's ironic I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah, and I never thought that I could love anybody else. And here it is years later and I'm married to you and completely in love with you.”

Woody Allen - Mickey

“- Ben Holmes: Are you going to be here when I get back?
- Sarah Lewis: You know me.
- Ben Holmes: I would not presume.”
Ben Affleck - Ben Holmes
Sandra Bullock - Sarah Lewis

“I am not a crook!”

James Le Gros - Roach

“In just a few hours you can be assured of going down in history as the Typhoid Mary of Oz. G'day.”
Dougray Scott - Sean Ambrose

“They say you think morals are pictures on walls and scruples is money in Russia.”

Julia Ormond - Sabrina Fairchild

“- David Larrabee: Now, Patrick, the debt burden this merger will accumulate will make it necessary to restructure some divisions. I've done a very quick review of last quarter's performance of each division of both companies.
- Maude Larrabee: David, when did you ever?
- David Larrabee: Mother, you've copied me on the financial standings of this...” (continue)(continue reading)
Greg Kinnear - David Larrabee
Nancy Marchand - Maude Larrabee

“- Michael 'Squints' Palledorous: It's about time Benny, my clothes are going out of style.
- Alan 'Yeah-Yeah' McClennan: They already are, Squints.
- Michael 'Squints' Palledorous: Shut up.”
Chauncey Leopardi - Michael 'Squints' Palledorous
Marty York - Alan 'Yeah-Yeah' McClennan

“A scintillating tale of erotic mummification.”
Ben Affleck - Ben Holmes

“- Michael: Grandpa, is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world?
- Grandpa: There are some bad elements around here.
- Sam: Wait a second, let me get this straight. You're telling me we've moved to the murder capital of the world? Are you serious, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Well, let me put it this way. If all the corpses buried...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jason Patric - Michael
Barnard Hughes - Grandpa
Corey Haim - Sam

“- Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez: That's really nice of you, but that ball really is signed by Babe Ruth.
- Mr. Mertle: So is this one...with the rest of the 1927 Yankees.”

Mike Vitar - Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez
James Earl Jones - Mr. Mertle

“- C.D. Bales: You said you didn't want a coat!
- Roxanne: I was being ironic.
- C.D. Bales: Oh, ho, ho, irony! Oh, no, no, we don't get that here. See, uh, people ski topless here while smoking dope, so irony's not really a, a high priority. We haven't had any irony here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only practitioner of it. And I stopped...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales
Daryl Hannah - Roxanne

“Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.”
Fred Willard - Ron Albertson

“What the hell is this, a drive-in movie?”

Jackie Gleason - Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Portague County

“- Jacy: It's ironic you broke all your ribs right before the Adam and Eve skit. I wonder what a psychiatrist would make of that.
- Duane: I din't break all my ribs, I just broke three.
- Jacy: That doesn't affect the irony, honey-pie.”
Cybill Lynne Shepherd - Jacy Farrow
Jeff Bridges - Duane Jackson