Sex quotes

“- Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.
- Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.
- Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.
- Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?”
Karen Kopins - Robin Pierce
Jim Carrey - Mark Kendall

“- Bridget Jones: You know, I never really understood why you wanted to date me. It seems so unlikely.
- Daniel Cleaver: Come on, Jones, for God's sake. You're sexy. You make me laugh, at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best shag I ever had.”
Renee Zellweger - Bridget Jones
Hugh Grant - Daniel Cleaver

“You're not bi-sexual, Carla, you're omni-sexual! You're like that tornado in the Wizard of Oz, sweeping up everything in your path.”
Karyn Dwyer - Maggie

“- Gerry Boyle: It's not as if you're that hard to please.
- Eileen Boyle: Yeah, that's what they said to me at the orgy.”
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle
Fionnula Flanagan - Eileen Boyle

“- Salvy Batts: I don't want him to fuck me.
- Jake La Motta: I could do that easily.
- Salvy Batts: How ya gonna do that?
- Jake La Motta: Because I'll get youse both in a ring, I'll give youse both a fuckin' beatin', ya both can fuck each other.
- Salvy Batts: I get all full of blood.
- Jake La Motta: You're used to that.”

Frank Vincent - Salvy
Robert De Niro - Jake La Motta

“Trust you? The last time I trusted you, Mookie, I ended up with a son.”
Rosie Perez - Tina

“- Nina Ivanovna Yakushova aka Ninotchka: What have you done for mankind?
- Count Leon d'Algout: Not so much for mankind... for womankind, my record isn't quite so bleak.”
Greta Garbo - Nina Ivanovna Yakushova aka Ninotchka
Melvyn Douglas - Count Leon d'Algout

“Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.”
Jeffrey Tambor - Sid

“- KG: Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project. Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
- JB: What's a cock push-up?
- KG: What's a cock push-up? A cock push-up my friend, is when you lay on your stomach, and lift yourself of the ground with nothing but your boner.”
Kyle Gass - KG
Jack Black - JB

“- Debbie: So you would do sex with me?
- Flirty Hockey Player: 'Do sex'? What are you, Borat?”
Leslie Mann - Debbie
Wyatt Russell - Flirty Hockey Player

“- Elias: You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
- Randal: ...Sure.
- Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait...” (continue)(continue reading)
Trevor Fehrman - Elias
Jeff Anderson - Randal

“- John Gustafson: Nobody slept with anybody.
- Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“- Claude Eastman: Will you miss younger men?
- Daniella Eastman: The truth?
- Claude Eastman: No!
- Daniella Eastman: Younger men are like fast food restaurants. The food is fast, but it's not all that good. But, with you it's like dining in the most expensive restaurant in the world. Of course, the service may be a little slow...
- Claude...” (continue)(continue reading)
Dudley Moore - Claude Eastman
Nastassja Kinski - Daniella Eastman

“- Justin: You can't fight what we had together.
- Martha: Justin, it was one night. It was a massive mistake. I was drunk out of my mind. You could have been a donkey!”
Ewen Bremner - Justin
Daisy Donovan - Martha

“Sandra, we're going to Fort Lauderdale for ten days. All you need is a bikini, and a diaphram.”
Lynn-Holly Johnson - Laurie Jameson

“Are you two gonna have sex with each other? 'Cause me and Paige are.”

Robert Ri'chard - Blake

“He really believed in this girl. Or, else, he just wanted to screw her. I'm still not sure which.”

Keith Hefner - Photographer

“- Charlie Gordon: I'm waiting for my sexual prime.
- Liz LaBreche: And just when do you think that's gonna happen?”
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon
Dyan Cannon - Liz LaBreche

“- Bill Gates: I think I had a date tonight with Ann.
- Ballmer: I thought she was away on business.
- Bill Gates: She is.
- Ballmer: Then how can you have a date?
- Bill Gates: Well, I go to a movie here, and then she goes to the same movie in Denver, and then we talk on the phone about it afterwards.
- Ballmer: Jeez Bill, I hate to see what...” (continue)(continue reading)
Anthony Michael Hall - Bill Gates
John DiMaggio - Steve Ballmer

“Fucking females is for poofs.”
Jason Flemyng - Crazy Larry

“- Joseph Grusinsky: Why don't you go back to your little Puerto Rican girlfriend?
- Bobby Green: I will go back to my fucking Puerto Rican girlfriend!
- Joseph Grusinsky: Yeah?
- Bobby Green: Yeah, you keep thinking about my girlfriend while you're fucking your fat fucking wife!”
Mark Wahlberg - Joseph Grusinsky
Joaquin Phoenix - Bobby Green

- Max: You haven't slept with her, have you?
- William Thacker: That is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment.
- Max: "No comment" means "yes".
- William Thacker: No, it doesn't.
- Max: Do you ever masturbate?
- William Thacker: Definitely no comment.
- Max: You see? It means "yes".
Tim McInnerny - Max
Hugh Grant - William Thacker

“You spent the whole fucking afternoon with him, or should I say, you spent the whole afternoon fucking him.”

Kevin Kline - Nathan

“We will not sterilize every Jew and wait for them to die. We will not sterilize every Jew and then exterminate the race. That's farcical. Dead men don't hump, dead women don't get pregnant. Death is the most reliable form of sterilization.”
Sir Kenneth Branagh - Reinhard Heydrich

“He turned down a blowjob from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better, he likes puppets!”
Da'Vone McDonald - Dwayne the Bartender