Sex quotes

- Russ: Tell us what happened, man! Blow by beautiful blow! Did you undress her slowly? Like first, revealing big lucious "magoombas"?
- Jamie: Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything?
- Mark Kendall: I told you I don't remember! If you guys are so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own?
Skip Lackey - Russ
Thomas Ballatore - Jamie
Jim Carrey - Mark Kendall

“- Harold: What about Dallas? What's his name? What's his problem?
- Taylor: Dallas Woolf. We went to Law School together. He was good in the classroom... I was better in the courtroom. There's no contest in the bedroom!”
Matt Craven - Harold
Michael Biehn - Taylor

“- Frank: I knew a girl that looked just like you.
- To-Bel: Really?
- Frank: I wrote a poem about her. Do you want to hear it? Hey, Chocolate Mama, she's got a stomach like a Hershey snare drum, she's got an ass like a nasty heart, beating on the other side, like a dark globe of every place a man could want to go.
- To-Bel: Oh, how you talk.”
Ray Sharkey - Frank
Arnetia Walker - To-Bel

“There will be sex after death, we will just not be able to feel it.”
Lily Tomlin

“When you sleep with the king it ceases to be a private matter.”
David Morrissey - The Duke of Norfolk

“If you lusted after me so, why weren't you also in love with me? Can the two feelings really be separate?”
Mia Farrow - Ariel

“- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
- Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.”

Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“- Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
- Veronica Loughran: Because I never had sex with him.
- Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
- Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.”
Brian O'Halloran - Dante Hicks
Marilyn Ghigliotti - Veronica

“- Marlene: How about if I just go home with you and we go to bed together?
- Harvey Holroyd: We could do that. Sure.”
Stacey Nelkin - Marlene
Martin Mull - Harvey

“- Dan: Do you have any children?
- Anna: No.
- Dan: Would you like some?
- Anna: Yes, but not today.”
Jude Law - Dan
Julia Roberts - Anna

“- Alden Pyle: Have you had a lot of women, Thomas?
- Thomas Fowler: You start out by being promiscuous and end up like your grandfather... faithful to one woman.”
Brendan Fraser - Alden Pyle
Sir Michael Caine - Thomas Fowler

“- Chris Sanchez: Just because I bought you a drink doesn't mean you're getting laid tonight.
- Jim Street: So, what does two drinks mean?”
Michelle Rodriguez - Chris Sanchez
Colin Farrell - Jim Street

“Have you ever had gay sex? What about sex with a woman? Just have sex with me and if you don't like it, then you can be gay.”
Evan Rachel Wood - Lavender "Popeye" Wolfmeyer

“If we got sex out of the way, we could relax.”
Greta Scacchi - Terri

“You want me here for sex, don't you. I never really did it before, I was always too shy. But I've decided I'd really like to do it with you.”

John Amplas - Martin

“- Igby: Can we go back to your mom's apartment and have sex?
- Sookie: No! You think that'll make you feel better? It won't. It'll just make you feel really empty and sad. You're better off masturbating.”
Kieran Culkin - Igby
Claire Danes - Sookie

“One good hand job deserves another.”
Michael Douglas - Nick Conklin

“Talk to her - in deep whispers. Tell her what you're doing, what you see. Move slowly. Tell her you're inside of her. Tell her how it feels. Touch her. Use your tongue. Your breath. When she's about to come, she'll grab for you. But don't let her come. Make her wait. Tease her. Play with her. Make her feel. She may touch herself. She's so...” (continue)(continue reading)
Sherilyn Fenn - Helena

“- Mooj: It's okay not to have sex. Not eveybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
- Andy: I'm 40.
- Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!”
Gerry Bednob - Mooj
Steve Carrell - Andy

“- Alex McDonough: You know, Larry's heavyset. Is that the kind of guy you've always been attracted to?
- Chuck Levine: Ah no, he's my first fattie.
- Alex McDonough: You guys really seem like you have a lot of sexual chemistry.
- Chuck Levine: I float his boat and he sinks mine.”
Jessica Biel - Alex McDonough
Adam Sandler - Chuck Levine

“- Roland T. Flakfizer: Lillian, I could make love to you right here.
- Lillian Oglethorpe: Roland, let's keep this professional.
- Roland T. Flakfizer: Fine. I'll charge you fifty bucks a pop.”
John Turturro - Roland T. Flakfizer
Nancy Marchand - Lillian Oglethorpe

“- Ann Bishop Mullany: Well, what did he ask exactly?
- Cynthia Patrice Bishop: Well, I don't want to tell you exactly.
- Ann Bishop Mullany: You let a total stranger record your sexual life on videotape, but you won't tell your own sister?
- Cynthia Patrice Bishop: Apparently.”
Andie MacDowell - Ann Bishop Mullany
Laura San Giacomo - Cynthia Patrice Bishop

- Jack Elliot: Any of you guys speak Americano? Jack Elliot here bringing you the best in Major League thrills for the fellas, and free moustache rides for the ladies.
- Hiroko Uchiyama: I have seen "free moustache rides" offered on T-Shirts in America. Always by guys you would not want to ride with.

Tom Selleck - Jack Elliot
Aya Takanashi - Hiroko Uchiyama

“- Dean Adams: Missing? He's not missing! It's the weekend. He's most likely shacked up in some motel with a girl. Or a guy... farm animal... whatever! Weren't you ever eighteen?
- Reese Wilson: Not that kind of eighteen.”
John Neville - Dean Adams
Loretta Devine - Reese Wilson

“I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but I'd kinda like to make love to you tonight.”

Matt Stone - Dave the Lighting Guy