Sex quotes

“- Eddie Papasano: Let me tell you people something, no matter what happens here today, if you try to close my joint, I 'll sue the ass off you.
- Dr. Don Francis: Doesn't it bother you knowing that the people who have sex in your bath-house are playing Russian roulette?
- Eddie Papasano: Please just cut out this bullshit. We're all in this for...” (continue)(continue reading)

Phil Collins - Eddie Papasano
Matthew Modine - Dr. Don Francis

“- Eddie Sparks: Look at this. I'm 91-years-old. 50 years I've been waiting for this chance. Dixie, please let's go upstairs.
- Dixie Leonard: What, to your room?
- Eddie Sparks: Yeah.
- Dixie Leonard: And then we get undressed?
- Eddie Sparks: Yeah.
- Dixie Leonard: And then we get into bed?
- Eddie Sparks: Yeah.
- Dixie Leonard: And then what?”
James Caan - Eddie Sparks
Bette Midler - Dixie Leonard

“I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth! Lord have mercy!”
Giuseppe Andrews - Lex

“You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates.”

Jason Lee - Banky Edwards

“The story has it all - death, sex, and God.”

Jack Gilpin - Gordon Bloom

“- Jack Morrison: It's been seven years since my last confession.
- Lenny Richter: Seven years is a long time.
- Jack Morrison: Yes, father.
- Lenny Richter: All right, where do we start; theft, robbery, fraud, taxes?
- Jack Morrison: Well, you know...
- Lenny Richter: Taxes? Always taxes... How about sex? Impure thoughts?”

Joaquin Phoenix - Jack Morrison
Robert Patrick - Lenny Richter

“- Seth Winnick: We agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
- Chelsea Turner: Hate sex.”
French Stewart - Seth Winnick
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras - Chelsea Turner

“22 years. Man, L.A. has changed a lot during that time. The air got dirty and the sex got clean.”
Gary Busey - Pappas

“One day they'll find a cure for AIDS, but they'll never find one for sex.”
Jaime King - Pixel

“Sex was really easy. There was sex everywhere. It didn't really mean too much. Love, love was the hard thing to find. Even if you were looking for it, which not too many people were. And even if you found it, which not too many people did, even if it was right there in front of you. How could you see it with all the sex in the way?”
Eric Michael Cole - T.J.

“- Elvira: Bloody Mary.
- Bartender: No hard liquor served past eight o'clock. Do you want a virgin?
- Elvira: Maybe, but, ah... I'll have a couple of drinks first.”
Cassandra Peterson - Elvira
Lynne Marie Stewart - Bartender

- Walter Lloyd: I hope you're not going to fool around because I have a lot of things to do.
- Donna Lloyd: You mean "Miss Twinkle Tits" in banking?
Gene Hackman - Walter Lloyd
Gayle Hunnicutt - Donna Lloyd

“Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps

“You don't wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you gotta talk to them.”
Sean Penn - Danny McGavin

“- Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
- Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
- Ben Stone: It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.”
Seth Rogen - Ben Stone
Katherine Heigl - Alison Scott

“- Debbie Thompson: Are there gonna be girls at the party?
- Rick Gassko: No... it's a 'stag' party, and that means that the 'does' stay home!
- Debbie Thompson: I'm not talking about the 'does'. I'm talking about hookers.”
Tawny Kitaen - Debbie Thompson
Tom Hanks - Rick Gassko

“- David Shaw: We're in love, sir.
- Steven Taylor: That's it? You steal the crown jewel of a man's soul, and your only excuse is some candy ass Hallmark card sentiment? Even if it were true, that's not good enough!”

Viggo Mortensen - David Shaw
Michael Douglas - Steven Taylor

“- Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?
- Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.”
Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Sir Michael Caine - Nigel Powers

“- Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
- Healy: Who, Rollerpig? Are you nuts?
- Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
- Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.”
Ben Stiller - Ted
Matt Dillon - Healy

“- Christina: I got a penis in my eye.
- Courtney: Let me see.
- Christina: How is it? Is it okay?
- Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.”
Cameron Diaz - Christina Walters
Christina Applegate - Courtney Rockcliffe

“- Uhura: I'm impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.
- James T. Kirk: Well, not only.”
Zoe Saldana - Uhura
Chris Pine - James T. Kirk

“I'm an Aztec warrior!”

Jacob Vargas - Joker

“- Laney Boggs: Screw the dolphins.
- Jesse Jackson: A guy tried that last year, banned from Sea World for life.”
Rachael Leigh Cook - Laney Boggs
Elden Henson - Jesse Jackson

“It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Yes, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word.”
Julianne Moore - Maude Lebowski

“- Pirate King: Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
- Other pirates: Sex!”
Ted Hamilton - Pirate King