Television quotes

“- Inspector Dave Toschi: Hey, how do we know that this lead is real?
- Inspector William Armstrong: It's very real. How do I know? Because I saw it on TV.”
Mark Ruffalo - Inspector David Toschi
Anthony Edwards - Inspector William Armstrong

“I was on the Johnny Carson show, I believe 114 or 104 times. And aside from those times on the air, I never spoke to him. I never met him.”
Tony Randall On Johnny Carson

- Lelaina Pierce: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the "Brady Bunch" or something.
- Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.
Winona Ryder - Lelaina Pierce
Ethan Hawke - Troy Dyer

“- Cameron: You know, sooner or later, you are gonna have to find out what it is really like to be black.
- Christine: Fuck you man, like you know! The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.”
Terrence Howard - Cameron
Thandie Newton - Christine

“Television is better than it's ever been in history. A lot of stories are being pushed - because of how complicated they are to make - toward Netflix and other channels on cable.”
Leonardo DiCaprio

“- Ma: Where do you think that old Nick gets our food?
- Jack: From TV by magic!”
Brie Larson - Ma
Jacob Tremblay - Jack

“Everybody's dick looks big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick looks big on TV.”
Gerry Bednob - Mooj

“- Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
- Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
- Reno Nevada: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
- Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.”
Lewis Smith - Perfect Tommy
Peter Weller - Buckaroo Banzai
Pepe Serna - Reno Nevada

“- Neal Oliver: What about space? You know, the final frontier!
- Bob Cody: Ah, Star Trek isn't space. That's television - fine fuckin' frontier that is. Besides, how many folks can just pack up and go to space?”
James Marsden - Neal Oliver
Chris Cooper - Bob Cody

“I had the privilege of knowing a small-town girl from the Seam in District 12 who survived the Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell and rose up and turned a nation of slaves into an army! Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this revolution. She will not have died for nothing.”

Julianne Moore - President Alma Coin

“- Jean Grey: [to Mystique] Seeing you that day on TV changed my life.
- Kurt Wagner: Mine too.
- Peter Maximoff: Mine too. I mean, I still live in my mom's basement, but pfft. Everything else is, uh... well, it's pretty much the same. I'm a total loser.”
Sophie Turner - Jean Grey
Kodi Smit-McPhee - Kurt Wagner
Evan Peters - Peter Maximoff

“- Eddie Langston: TV scares me. It makes everything seem credible.
- Hemmings: Why is that so bad?
- Eddie Langston: If everything seems credible then nothing seems credible.”
Lewis Niles Black - Eddie Langston
Rick Roberts - Hemmings

“Well I just don't feel like buying anymore networks this year. There's never anything good on.”
Harrison Ford - Linus Larrabee

“- Mike: I can't believe it...
- Sulley: Oh, Mike...
- Mike: I was on TV! Ha! Did you see me? I'm a natural.”

Billy Crystal - Mike
John Goodman - Sullivan

“Swastikas were drawn backward, indicating either haste or a lack of familiarity with this most infamous of anti-semetic emblems, or perhaps rather more implausibly... that Hindus were involved.”
Tim Fletcher - TV Reporter

“In Beverly Hills they don't throw their garbage away, they make it into television shows.”
Woody Allen

“The funny thing about television is that once you start to do it you never get time to watch it.”
Kevin Sorbo

“- Cop #1: Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?
- Cop #2: Yeah, that uh... thing about toast-fucking.
- Cop #1: ...toast-fucking?
- Cop #2: Yeah - it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast.
- Cop #1: No, the... the show this morning was about that new drug.
- Cop #2: Oh. Must have been a dream I had.”
Mark McKinney - Cop #1
Bruce McCulloch - Cop #2

“- Skye Davidson: No cable?
- Caroline Baxter: I tried get it, but they actually wanted me to pay for 45 miles cable.
- Prof. Lance Davidson: Sounds like a satellite dish would be cheaper.
- Caroline Baxter: Yes, but then the aliens would know where we are.”
Kate Hudson - Skye Davidson
Lucinda Jenney - Caroline Baxter
John Heard - Prof. Lance Davidson

“- Daniel Schorr: There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
- Nicholas Van Orton: That's impossible.
- Daniel Schorr: You're right, impossible. You're having a conversation with your television.”

Daniel Schorr - Daniel Schorr
Michael Douglas - Nicholas Van Orton

“- William Shatner: You spear the knife into the bag... then pick some of the drugs up with the knife... then lightly press it on your tongue. And that is how TV cops taste drugs!
- Det. Mitch Preston: What if it's cyanide? There's a reason real cops don't taste drugs.”
William Shatner - Himself
Robert De Niro - Det. Mitch Preston

“Suzanne used to say that you're not really anybody in America unless you're on TV. 'Cause what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if there's nobody watching?”
Alison Folland - Lydia Mertz

My wife and I, we love watching Dateline, those shows where every week they will feature a disease. I swear to you, every week, no matter what the disease is, my wife has it. There could be three people on the planet that have this disease, my wife is one of them. She just watches it going "I've got it."
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“TV persons are flat and made of colors. But me and you are real.”
Jacob Tremblay - Jack

“I know where Vietnam is; it's on TV. Southeast Asia? It's there, too?”
Will Smith - Muhammad Ali