Television quotes

“- Michael Burgess: Mom, why do you always put your groceries on the TV?
- Cecelia Burgess: I always put them there and keep them there for a week. The radiation kills the poison that they put in them.”
Alan Alda - Michael Burgess
Lillian Gish - Cecelia Burgess

- Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
- Brennan Huff: I was watching "Cops".
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

- Young Robert: What about "Arena", when Kirk fought the Gorn? That giant lizard monster was three times as big as him!
- Imaginary William Shatner: My boy, that was a TV show. I used a stunt double. I always use a stunt double. Except in love scenes. I insist on doing those myself.

Spencer Klein - Young Robert
William Shatner - Bill

“This is an African lion! I'm in no danger, he's become a Hollywood lion! He's been sitting in this MGM logo for 77 years! Tough job, mate.”
Steve Irwin - Steve Irwin

“I'm sorry ma'am, I lied to you. I'm very sorry about that. That man right there is my brother and if he doesn't get to watch 'People's Court' in about 30 seconds, he's gonna throw a fit right here on your porch. Now you can help me or you can stand there and watch it happen.”

Tom Cruise - Charlie Babbitt

“You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates.”

Jason Lee - Banky Edwards

“Do you know what I saw on the television in my motel room at one o'clock this morning? Films of Hitler! They are showing films about the war! The movement! People are fascinated! The time is ripe! Adolf Hitler is alive!”
Gregory Peck - Dr. Josef Mengele

“It's a pentangle, a five-pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney Jr. at Universal Studios said that's the mark of the Wolf Man.”
David Naughton - David Kessler

“- Martin Rittenhome: Television is gonna go on. The quiz shows are gonna go on. Makes me wonder what you hope to accomplish with all this.
- Dick Goodwin: Don't worry, I'm just getting started.
- Martin Rittenhome: You're a bright young kid with a bright future. Watch yourself out there.”
Martin Scorsese - Martin Rittenhome
Rob Morrow - Dick Goodwin

“- Network Executive: For God's sake, Chris! The whole world is watching. We can't let him die in front of a live audience!
- Christof: He was born in front of a live audience.”
Philip Baker Hall - Network Executive
Ed Harris - Christof

“Spare him, my lord Rayden. American life has enfeebled his mind. Too much television.”
Lloyd Kino - Grandfather

“Why would you want to stay at home and watch a little box? Because it's convenient? Because you don't have to get dressed up, because you could just sit there? I mean, how can you call that entertainment, alone in your living room? Where's the other people? Where's the audience? Where's the magic? I'll tell you, in a place like this, the magic...” (continue)(continue reading)

Martin Landau - Harry Trimble

“- Cindy Campbell: You guys are psychos! You've watched too many TV shows!
- Ray Wilkins: No! Watching TV shows doesn't create psycho killers. Canceling TV shows does!”
Anna Faris - Cindy Campbell
Shawn Wayans - Ray Wilkins

“- Alex: So, ladies, I kind of need to use the televis...
- Grace: Shh! Go read your Playgirl or something!”
Allen Covert - Alex
Shirley Jones - Grace

“You know what that is, television? It's entertainment for people. It's fake! Nothing you think is real is real!”

Susie Essman - Mittens

“- Dr. Michael Reynolds: You have a television.
- Navajo woman: No. I get Good Morning America through smoke signals.”
Woody Harrelson - Dr. Michael Reynolds
Talisa Soto - Navajo Woman

“We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.”
Steve Martin - Gil

“I hate television. Gives me headaches. I heard there's so many magnetic waves traveling through the air, because of TV and telephones, that we're losing ten times as many brain cells as we're supposed to. All the molecules in our heads are all unstable. All the companies know about it, but they're not doing anything about it. It's a big conspiracy.”
Naomi Watts - Rachel

“- Mollie: Dr. Spock does not just want to sell a book! Dr. Spock loves us. During the Vietnam War, Dr. Spock was out protesting in the streets!
- James: God, I'm sorry I said anything about Dr. Spock, okay. [to her son] I can't believe she's getting that upset about a Vulcan. Big ears, no emotions, right?”
Kirstie Alley - Mollie
John Travolta - James

“- Daphne Blake: Those zombies are just the poor souls you drained! They were just trying to warn us so that we wouldn't suffer the same fate they did!
- Simone Lenoir: Pretty smart for a television reporter.”
Mary Kay Bergman - Daphne Blake
Adrienne Barbeau - Simone Lenoir

“We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.”
Brad Pitt - Tyler Durden

“- Bruce Nolan: Is this heaven?
- God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time.”
Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan
Morgan Freeman - God

“- Park Cheol-woong: We put a hypnosis-inducing drug in your water.
- Dae-su Oh: Sodium barbiturate?
- Park Cheol-woong: Ha! TV Man knows it all!”
Dal-su Oh - Park Cheol-woong
Min-sik Choi - Dae-su Oh

“Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.”
Jeremy Piven - James 'Droz' Andrews

“- Zeke: Now that shit is pitiful. I dunno how in the fuck a nigga like that gets some money anyway. This is the dumbest shit - look at this muthafucka. Look like a muthafuckin' ostrich. Look at that shit...
- Caroline Brown: If you hate it so much, why dontcha just turn it off?
- Zeke: Turn it off? Are you kiddin' baby? Took me three years to...” (continue)(continue reading)

Richard Pryor - Zeke
Chip Fields - Caroline Brown