Television quotes

“- Jon Osterman: What is this? Another ultimate weapon?
- Adrian Veidt: Yes. You could say that.”

Billy Crudup - Jon Osterman
Matthew Goode - Adrian Veidt

“Fifteen years sitting in prison is punishment. But 15 years sitting in front of a television set is entertainment.”
James Coburn - John Reston

“- Vada Sultenfuss: Have you ever kissed anyone?
- Thomas J. Sennett: Like they do on TV?
- Vada Sultenfuss: Hm-mm.
- Thomas J. Sennett: No.
- Vada Sultenfuss: Well maybe we should, just to see what's the big deal.”
Anna Chlumsky - Vada Sultenfuss
Macaulay Culkin - Thomas J. Sennett

“- Grandpa: Now, on Wednesdays when the mailman brings the TV Guide sometimes the address label is curled up just a little. You'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't. You'll only wind up rippin' the cover and I don't like that. And stay outta here.
- Sam: Wait, you have a TV?
- Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you...” (continue)(continue reading)
Barnard Hughes - Grandpa
Corey Haim - Sam

“- Jeff Dunham: The White House is where the most powerful man in the free world lives.
- Walter: Oprah?”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“The audience didn't tune in to watch some amazing display of intellectual ability. They just wanted to watch the money.”
Martin Scorsese - Martin Rittenhome

“- Dustin Davis: Oh God, he sucks.
- Robert 'Rabbit' Nurick: Oh, shut up. Get him off.
- Dr. Jo Harding: [about Jonas] He is so in love with himself. I thought it was just a summer thing.”

Philip Seymour Hoffman - Dustin Davis
Alan Ruck - Robert 'Rabbit' Nurick
Helen Hunt Jackson - Dr. Jo Harding

“I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!”
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“That's a very nice hat you're wearing. And I don't mean that in an Eddie Haskell kind of way.”
Matt Dillon - Cliff Poncier

“I'm going on TV... You know, maybe the American people will go with me, even if their elected representatives won't.”
Bruce Greenwood - John F. Kennedy

“Yes, I know a stalker died! It had to happen sooner or later! Well, it is a contact sport, okay? You want ratings. You want people in front of the television instead of picket lines. Well, you're not gonna get that with re-runs of Gilligan's Island.”

Richard Dawson - Damon Killian

- White Demon: A whole world needs to be corrected. There is much work to be done - I trust you will be happy to do your part.
- Edward "Eddie" Tor Swenson: I tried to do my best!
- White Demon: Yes, I know about your work. Now let me be honest, I'm far from pleased. You know what's shown on the screen is a mere reflection of someone's ungodly... (continue)(continue reading)
Kelly Tainton
Johan Rudebeck - Edward "Eddie" Tor Swenson

“This is national TV. So don't pick your noses or scratch your nuts.”

Charles Durning - Coach Johnson

“- Catherine: Are those people ok?
- Jerry Farrelly: No, they're not ok, they're guests on my show.”

Krista Tesreau - Catherine Winicott
Jerry Springer - Jerry Farrelly

“What would I do if I got out? I don’t know the world anymore. They say there are bombs that can reduce whole cities to ash and uh, what do you call ’em, televisions, voices and faces coming from a box. I hear enough voices already.”

Robin Bartlett - Bridget Kearns

“You may not know this, but over the years, the Disney artists have cooked up dozens of ideas for new Fantasia segments. Some of them made it to the big screen this time. But others, lots of others - how could I put this politely - didn't.”
Bette Midler - Herself - Hostess (segment "Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro, Opus 102")

“Holy smokes... 99 channels and there's nothing on!”
Spencer Breslin - Rusty Duritz

“I'm angry. I'm very angry, Ralph. You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bullshit house if you want to. But you do not get to watch my fucking television set!”
Al Pacino - Lt. Vincent Hanna

I learned the facts of life from watching "The Facts of Life"!
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“- Max: Girl, what are you doing?
- Jennifer Caulfield: Watching TV.
- Max: I can see that. Why don't you read a book? You watch too much damn TV.
- Jennifer Caulfield: Research.
- Max: Right. You're gonna be a TV star.
- Jennifer Caulfield: Wait and see.”
Laurence Fishburne - Max
Penelope Sudrow - Jennifer

“I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking
about oneself.”

Stephen Fry

“That box is the biggest thing since Gutenberg invented the printing press, and I'm the biggest thing on it.”

John Turturro - Herbie Stempel

“- Molly Richardson: Monday nights I go to this newsstand to get the new TV Guide for Joe. He likes to get it as early as possible so he can circle everything he wants to watch.
- Frank: Does he circle your ass?”
Olivia d'Abo - Molly Richardson
Phil Hartman - Frank

“- Sly:I think that if you're going to talk so much out of your ass, maybe you should wear a bow-tie on your butt!
- Basil: A bow-tie on her butt? That's disgusting, Sylvester!
- Teddie: Your syntax is interesting.
- Basil: It's because he watches television all the time. Nice language, Sylvester.”
Leo Fitzgerald - Sly
Connor Leggett - Basil
Amanda Fein - Teddie

“- Inspector Gadget: I don't know what you're up to, Scolex, but you'll never get away with it!
- Dr. Claw: Oh, how cliché, Inspector. I think somebody's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons.”
Matthew Broderick - Inspector Gadget
Rupert Everett - Sanford Scolex